I'm pulling my hair out!

Katchya - posted on 09/05/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have a 6 year old boy who has adhd, reactive attachment disorder, odd, pdd, and the list goes on. He found his way into my life this past march. He is in special classes. Such as speech, ot, and special ed. He is in 1st grade and he is just lost. He will not do anything I ask him. He will not do his home work. He fights to take his meds. Women are bad and wrong to him. (thak you rad and odd) My husband works 60-80 hours a week and does not have a choice to spend more time with him. I can not have a job. he needs 24 7 care. Any ideas? I know the love him, fight for him, and take time for you. What do you do?

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I wish my step son was getting the services he needs. From the sounds of it i think that for your son its more about the fact that he is having difficulty attaching. The more he wants to get close to you the more his mind is telling him he cant, so instead of having a child who can easily show you he needs you its like hes grabbing in the wrong directions.



Instead of working on getting him on your side try working on you being on his side, it will help to show him that no matter what he can throw at you you will still be there for him. An example would be to compliment him (even if its as simple as how well he is playing, or how he didnt fight you during breakfast)



After he has done something, try to put a positive spin on it "i know it was hard for you when you broke this rule but now that you are calm again we can do something fun that you like"



My step son ended up being pushed into the 2nd grade. he has ODD ADD and PDD, just taken off his meds except for a sleeping aide (thank goodness or he'd be up till 2 in the morning! eek!) Unlike your son ours actually demands his meds, he hears his doctor state how important they are and then freaks out when we talk about it not working for him!



Try to set up a very simple routine for him and make sure to tell him well in advance that something new is going to happen or a routine step is going to happen (switching from playtime to mealtime)



I had to get used to "well my mommy lets me do this" he went from being allowed to get away with everything to living with a new mommy that actually has rules (I had two kids before moving in with his father so I was prepared for other kids to be around)



Try to find out what he is good at and try to get into it yourself. I already loved to do art so it was kind of easy for me, but I noticed that my stepson would get increasingly more interested when I painted during the day when the kids were up. When he is good i try to keep art supplies in the house just for him.



In this sense you can "bond" with your son even though you both will be working on your own thing, he will feel as if you are getting close without the actually being close issue. it may be a bit tricky since he may have boy likings that you may not prefer. If he really likes cars you could take a trip to the library and pick up books on cars, let him see but explain that you would like to learn about cars and that they are your books. Its a way for him to grasp at attaching to you without too much pressure.

Kylie - posted on 09/06/2009

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well it sounds like you have your hands full at the least..i would suggest that you find an outlet for yourself so you don't go mental first as i'm sure that it must be very trying and frustrating at times constantly fighting..also i would look in your area for some sort of respite or if you don't like that some sort of in home care osr support program..where they come to your house and help him there...i have a sister in=law tanya her son has asperges disorder as well as some other problems and he also can have his moments.She says routine is always important and she has a reward based program for her son..i don't know if that would help in your case .other then that find people who have your circumstances or simillar there should be group somewhere in here if not start one,its always good to talk to those in the same situtaion

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