I need advice....

Bailey - posted on 05/13/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

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So im 20 years old and just found out that im approximately 4 weeks pregnant. I told the guy that I was pregnant by who is 21, and he of course, panicked.... He asked me what we were going to do and suggested an abortion and i told him that it was a possibility, he said that he would support me no matter the choice. A couple days later I had made my decision and decided against abortion. And HE FREAKED. HE says im forcing a baby on him and not taking his life into consideration. He pretty much told me that if I didn't choose abortion he wouldn't support me. He said he never wanted Kids and doesn't want it to grow up in a "terrible life" or not having the best of everything in the world and being another statistic of young parents. I think he is just upset and panicking and I want to reassure him but I dont know what to say... because im freaking out myself and dont know if I can do it.... I dont even know how to be a mom

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Leela - posted on 05/20/2014

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Hi Bailey. Whether you're 20 or 16 it isn't easy. The first 4 months of my pregnancy were really hard because so much of my energy was spent trying to get a grown man to be responsible....I couldn't enjoy my pregnancy with that constant stress. When I was 5 months pregnant I decided to hell with it - if he wants to be part of it he will and if he doesn't, then I can't force him. Instead I spent the remaining months just enjoying this beautiful experience. I was really ill at one point but generally I had a blast. No regrets on my end and ironically my child and his dad are now very close and there is very little his dad will not do for him. Keep the faith. Good luck!

Jaimi - posted on 05/13/2014

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I think you need to do whatever is right for you. Keeping the baby, abortion, or adoption. There is NO wrong choice no matter what others might want to tell you. As for the father of the baby he might be just freaked out and need time or he might really not want a baby. And this is were you have to make the choice. Do you want to keep the baby and do it on your own without the guy or try to force the guy to help you. As for having a baby being hard? It will only be hard if you let it be hard and let self pity take over. Just like any other job you do it and you do it to the best of your abilities. You do what you have to do because YOU have to do it. It becomes normal after a while if you don't let the "hardness" get you down. You can so raise this baby on your own if you wanted. Or you can give the baby up for adoption. No wrong choice.

If you don't have a support system I would say find some people in your area to talk to.

There is NO love like the love you have for your children. Whatever you choose will be out of love so don't forget it!

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Bailey - posted on 05/20/2014

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Leela,
Im just thinking that some men just cant be responsible! He is grown enough to be able to have sex he should be grown enough to handle the repercussions. Thank you for your support!

Bailey - posted on 05/19/2014

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Leela thank you for not being horribly rude like some other people are. Ive had some people say, you're 20 you shouldn't be freaking out about this its not like your 16. Blah blah blah. After so many words of encouragement from my friends and my parents calling me an idiot but telling me that they love me and know I can do this ive finally come to terms with it. And I CAN do this. With or without him. Im not going to let him be some part time parent either. He either wants in and stays in or he doesn't have anything to do with our child

Leela - posted on 05/19/2014

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So 10 years ago I was in a similar position. My heart really goes out to you. This is really your choice. You know that. But I'm hoping I can help you based on my experience. I decided to go through with my pregnancy and my child is now 10. His dad decided to become an active father when he was 2 years old. Let me tell you the journey has been a tough one. Going through a pregnancy without a partner sucks. People judge you harshly - in fact no matter what your decision is, they will judge you. Dealing with a father whose immature is stressful and you have to be prepared that he may never change his mind, and if he does the repercussions involved. Taking care of a child is emotionally, physically and mentally draining. It is not about you anymore. So that said, let me tell you the absolutely awesome part. You grow - in fact I never thought my heart could be this big and full. You have this amazing human being who loves you, unconditionally. Taking care of my child, has been more of a joy and blessing than anything else. In fact it has been my privilege. I have no regrets about having him, I regret not giving him the perfect family but as time has shown me, no family is. Along my journey I have met wonderful people who helped. My friends list has shrunk considerably. But my family has supported me and that love is priceless. I had no idea how to be a mom, but somehow you figure it out. Whether you choose to have this child or not, make your decisions with the understanding that YOU have to live with them for the rest of your life. God bless.

Bailey - posted on 05/17/2014

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he won't even speak to me right now..... do you think he'll come around after the initial shock wears off I want him to be in our child's life should I even be worried about this at 5 weeks I'm so confused and all of my friends are giving me advice but theyll be there but I want my child to be raised by two parents and not just one

Sarah - posted on 05/13/2014

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M y suggestion would be to get connected with a crisis pregnancy center or adoption agency that does birth parent counseling. He made the choice to have kids when he had sex. He will need to pay child support....that is all part of having sex...If you want to play then you have to be prepared of the consequences. He might be just freaking out, but sadly many guys just run off and leave the girl with everything to deal with and the guy goes back to living how he did before taking no responsibility for his actions.

Parenting is very hard, but living with the choice of abortion is very hard also. You will never look at a baby the same. Your due date will be a date you will remember forever. Abortion is very permanent. I would encourage you to look at adoption. If you feel that at this time you are not able to provide the best option for your child this gives life to your child and allows you to be involved in your child's life if you choose. Talk to others that have parented and those who have placed. .. Even talk to those that have had an abortion.

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