i need an answer...why do men always go for alcohol when they have something wrong with them selves!!i dont know what to do ...we have 3 kids and the last he a new born...but i am tiered of his crap...i just feel like leaving ...but ...i cant ...i want to help him ..i know hes a good guy...what should i do???


Amie - posted on 04/25/2009




Well speaking from experience with my fiance. Unless he knows he has a problem and wants to change it there is nothing you can do. If he acknowledges it though and is willing to seek help then just stand by him because it will be a rough road. Remind him of all the reasons why he's doing this, help him find AA meetings, etc. Because yes if he's turning to alcohol everytime there's a problem and it's his only way to cope he is an alcoholic. Either deal with it now or leave. It is that simple. Kids do not need to be exposed to it they have a higher chance of becoming alcoholics themselves if they grow up around them. My hubby's parents are ones too and he thought it was normal for people to drink that much all the time until he was old enough to realize oh my family is different.
It's ultimately your choice on whether to stay or not but it's his choice on whether to quit or not.

Shannon - posted on 04/25/2009




I kinda get how you feel. My now fiance would leave me alone around 10pm till 3am when he knew our son would be stayen up the longest to go play video games and drink with his buddies. I would start crying by the time I finally got our son to sleep and he would come home. He'd always tell me to stop cryen because I shouldn't be, there was nothing to cry about but really there was. I warned him lots of times that I'd leave him and he shrugged it off.. Now that he's finally in the military I'm glad he stopped that rude behaviour, I didn't know how much longer I was going to keep our family together.

All I have to say is if he knows there a problem then he should go and get help, if he doesn't and it takes forever just warn him of the consiquence. If he loves you more then the world then he'd go, if not why bother. A gorgeous girl like you don't deserve that crap from a guy, I know you love him a lot, but it's not worth the hurt.

Lisa - posted on 04/25/2009




I know what you are going though. I have a 4 1/2 yr old and a 2 yr old. My husband and I have been married for 5 yrs. He has always been a drinker but it is so much worse now. Two months ago he lost his job because he got drunk at work at 8:00 in the morning. I'm like you, I want to help. I have done everything I can think of, said everything I can think of and threatened everything, too. At some point though, they have to start helping themselves. On Monday he is leaving to go to a treatment center and will be gone for five months. I hope this will wake him up.

[deleted account]

What do you mean by he goes for alcohol? Is he an alcoholic or just a social drinker? I suggest you check out Al-anon if you think he is an alcoholic they will be able to give you tools to help you make your decision whether or not to leave. They can also help you help him (only if he is willing to help himself). Alcoholism is an illness and can be managed (not cured alcoholics are always alcoholics even if they don't drink). You have to think of yourself and your kids first and foremost. What is best for their well being?


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Melissa - posted on 04/25/2009




He can only be helped if he wants help, and that's IF he thinks he has a problem. Many don't! And then in the long run you end up trying for many years and nothing changes and half your life is gone... I know how you are feeling! You do have to do what is best for the children at this point because you can't let them grow up thinking that his actions are ok. Then they may follow in his footsteps... But as always people have to do what they think is right, and only you can figure out what's rock bottom for you... I finally hit it. I also have a 4 year old and a 16 month old.

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