I NEED help

Rose - posted on 08/13/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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So this may be long as there is 7 years of history! I would seriously appreciate any help and guidance I can get! So my boyfriend and I were together since we were 15 and I got pregnant when I was 17 and had my son when I was 18...everything was perfect until my son was about 3 months old. Little things I should have noticed like him going out a lot and texting other girls. We always made it through our issues. About 2 years ago he left me and dated someone else...it was the hardest worst thing I have EVER gone through. He put me through hell for 2 months...after about 2 months with this girl as soon as he saw me moving on and happy he came back and stupid me took him back too soon. Since than I have dealt with him texting numerous girls, he is addicted to pot and start smoking a pack of cigs a day (something he never smoked before) he is so behind on his bills he has collectors coming after him and he just ignores it...its almost like responsibility and family mean nothing to him. He moved out about a year ago and 45 mins away with a friend who was recently single...I feel thats where things went very wrong. He wouldnt come here as often and he would ignore texts/calls.I always threaten breaking up but its to the point where obviously he doesnt take me seriously. I live in his parents basement suite I was a stay at home mom and now Im at the point where he cant even tell me if he wants to move out with me or not let alone be with me...he has mentioned to me before he doesnt think Ill ever leave him. I just dont understand why he wouldnt want to be with us. It breaks my heart to think of breaking up as the best possible solution. I dnt know why hes so distant lately and we dont live together so the only thing I can think of is anoher girl but I seriously doubt that. I just think Ive let him go too long thinking that he can see my son and I when HE chooses and he can go out and do as he pleases with whoever and in the end I will always be there. I know its so easy to say leave him but we all know its easy to say but the hardest to do. Im just so lost

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Emily - posted on 08/13/2012

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You absoultely need to put your foot down. It is hard and there will be tears shead but you can't let him do this to you. He is the father of your baby and if he can't put time and effort into that then it's his loss. The love you have could be the love created by the two of you having a baby together. We all want for our children to grow up with both their parents still together but if he's not ready then you need to move on and do what is best for your baby. My son's dad and I are not together, I had my concerns but I recently married the most wonderful guy in the world and he provides for us and takes care of us like a father should do (we do have a daughter together). My son's dad is still jumping from job to job; home to home and girlfriend to girlfriend. It is hard to decide whether to stay or not but looking back at my decision I now see it as being the best choice ever.
My advice is put your foot down, and do what is best for your baby (a pot smoking dad really isn't the best role model for your child). Make him understand that you will not tolerate this and if he still continues with his selfish ways then it's time you did some serious thinking about what needs to happen next. I'm here to talk, message me if you would like. Good luck and I really hope the best for all of you.

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