I need some help fellow moms.

April - posted on 07/02/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Ok, so I am looking for a little help. I am concerned about my 11 month old niece, and more concerned that her mother isn't.....My niece just turned 11 months on June 30th. She'll be one on July 30th. She can't sit on her own, pull herself to a sitting position, crawl, pull herself up to walk...nothing. She can roll. That's about it. And don't get me wrong, I COMPLETELY understand that all children progress at different rates. But I can't help but feel like there is something causing this delay. She had a hard time even carrying this pregnancy. She was put on bed rest pretty much right from the start and started to dilate at 4 months. Our midwife and doctor (we use the same office) were shocked that she even made it to 9 months. It just pains me to look at her and my 8 month old next to each other and all the poor girl is doing is laying on the floor while my son cruises around furniture walking. Has anyone else had a child that took until the age of one to crawl, sit and stand? If so, was there some sort of developmental delay? I tried to talk to my sister in law about it, but got nowhere. She took it as me trying to attack her parenting and that's not the case at all. I just hate to see the baby suffer you know... help me out moms....give me your opinions.....

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Christa - posted on 07/02/2009

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She can't talk to her doctor about the other child. It's a HIPPA violation, the doctor won't comment unless he wants to get sued.

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Belinda - posted on 07/03/2009

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The not being able to sit thing worries me a little, not crawling/pulling up/walking etc doesn't worry me as much. My neice was sitting well at 7 months but didn't crawl or do anything else until 11 and a half months then in two weeks crawled, pulled up and cruised around and there is nothing at all wrong with her. She never had any interest on weight bearing on her legs until she started pulling herself up....... she does have a big brother who brings her any toys she wants though so maybe the incentive wasn't there!! My sister didn't walk until 18 months and there was nothing wrong there either. Some really do just develop later than others. Some babies develop things like fine motor skills and mental skills first then the walking and movement stuff later. That being said I think you are justified in your worry, especially because it's family and you love them and care about their wellbeing, and my doc had told me that if a baby isn't sitting well by 10 months - although there may be nothing wrong - it's worth getting checked out because the majority of babies have reached that milestone. She must be due for a 12 month check soon so hopefully even if your sister doesn't mention it, the doctor will pick up on the delay and offer some advice.

Jessica - posted on 07/02/2009

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You mentioned that you have the same doctor as her.... Have you mentioned these problems to him/her? Discuss how delicate the situation is, and make it clear that you don't want to interfere or hurt feelings of family. When she brings her baby in for the one year check up, the doctor can ask about the babies progress, and ask to SEE what the child can do. She will be forced to talk about it then.

Rebecca - posted on 07/02/2009

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When my daughter was younger (3months or so) she wasn't puting any resistence with her feet against hard surfaces. Our Dr. showed me some exercises to do with her to strengthen her leg muscles. IF she has a good doctor (not that she doesn't, but some are better than others) I'm sure he/she has discussed such delays with her. If she is worried offer to go with her to the Dr to offer support and guidence.

Christa - posted on 07/02/2009

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That's hard, maybe someone she trusts should try and talk to her and get to the root of her own problems. It sounds like she thinks she is a bad mom, because she knows her daughter is behind. Maybe if someone reassured her that this doesn't make her a bad mom and that everyone is there to help her and her daughter. Where is her husband in all this? Could he talk to her?

April - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Christa:

MY daughter did progress slowly on all her physical milestones, but I think it's a little weird that she can't sit. My daughter did that about 7 months, she crawled at 10 months, she could walk holding on to things around a year and didn't fully start walking until 16 months. So she was slower, but I think your neice should be able to do more then just roll right now. Her doctor will be able to see the problem even if your sister in law is in denial. I would let the doctor worry about it because if you say something she might look at it as an attack or bragging because of how your child is doing. That's my thoughts. :-)


That's EXACTLY what she did Christa. She asked me to watch her daughters for her for a few weeks because their normal daycare provider was having a partial knee replacement and of course I said yes. Anything to spend time with my nieces you know.  And within a few hours on the first day I noticed there was an issue so I had a friend come over with her three children. Two of her three children have early intervention programs because of their delays so I figured she would be a great impartial opinion. And she was. She looked at her and asked me why she wasn't doing anything. She was literally just laying on the floor while my 8 month old and my friends 8 month old (our boys are a day apart) sat and played with toys and my son crawled around.  And I know how sensitive my sister in law is to any type of advice or constructive critism so I was soooo careful about how I approached her and sure enough she still flipped.  She isn't talking to me now and she also stopped talking to my mother in law because my mother in law told her that she needed to have the baby checked out. And the worst part is that when she flipped out on me she said "I'm not a bad mom like everyone thinks" and that broke my heart. I would never accuse her of that. And I'm sure we would all react differently if we thought our child could have some type of issue.  But you would think that with the whole family telling her that they're concerned that she would step up.  When the baby was like 5 months old the doctors almost made her wear a helmet all the time because of a horrible flat spot. And she laughed and thought it was hilarious....I just don't know what to think anymore. I worry about the baby. I can't bear to watch her fall further behind because her mother is in denial. I just hope that the doctor sees it and says something. Her one year check up is at the end of the month. My mother in law is going to try and go with her to talk to the doctor herself too.

Christa - posted on 07/02/2009

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MY daughter did progress slowly on all her physical milestones, but I think it's a little weird that she can't sit. My daughter did that about 7 months, she crawled at 10 months, she could walk holding on to things around a year and didn't fully start walking until 16 months. So she was slower, but I think your neice should be able to do more then just roll right now. Her doctor will be able to see the problem even if your sister in law is in denial. I would let the doctor worry about it because if you say something she might look at it as an attack or bragging because of how your child is doing. That's my thoughts. :-)

Christina - posted on 07/02/2009

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You're absolutely right!!!
There is obviously something wrong. Even if your sister in law is in a denial, she has to think about her baby. My daughter was 7 months old and she was sitting alone but she couldn't stand very well and the doctor told me to watch if there's something wrong. If her doctor said everything is ok she'll have to take a second opinion...good luck!!!

April - posted on 07/02/2009

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When I had talked to her about it she said that the doctor said she was fine. But I know my sister in law and I can read her like a book...she never mentioned it to the doctor. I totally agree that she's in denial. Her mother said the same thing to me. I just don't understand how she can look at her and think there is nothing wrong when her 2 and a half year old was walking at 10 months. It breaks my heart. I hate to see her suffering.

Crystal - posted on 07/02/2009

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Your sis is most definitely worried and scared too, especially when she sees what your son is doing in comparison... she just doesn't want to face her fears. She is in denial, which is normal, or scared to go talk to the pediatrician about it because then her daughter will be "labeled" something.

I'm not an expert or anything, but maybe your niece has some sort of CP - cerebral palsy. Does your sister take her to her regular check-ups with the doc, and do you know if he's said anything to her about it?

Anyway, she'll have to go in for her 12 month and then she'll see.

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