I really need advice:-(

Loreana - posted on 05/27/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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my ex and I broke up about a year and a half ago it was a bad relationship he did everything from cheat on me to do hard drugs to never work and leave me to take care of the kids by myself anyways when I realize I was a single mom I decided why not be a single mom? It was a bad breakup he really wouldnt leave me alone but his behavior was really erratic n the lying never stopped. He started dating a girl a few weeks ago. Ive known about her for a while as he lives with my family. From what I hear she is nice n a good mom. But he lied to hrr n told her if I ever found out about her I would never let him see his kids. I feel exactly the opposite. I have wanted to keepvthem away from him cuz hr provides nothing only calls twice a week n nevrr keeps his promise to visit them or take them somewhere. But the kids love him n I dont want them to hurt. He has been acting like he wants to b with me an sending me jealous texts but im over him we wrre toxic to each other n my life is much better with him gone. My problrm is that he is lying to this girl and even took my kids out to a movie n pretended she was his sisters friend to yhe kids, my 8yr old saw right through it. Now he asks if the kids can go camping with him n his sis an possibly her 'friend'? I also recently found out hevtold this girl that he gives me all his money cuz im a crazy jealous *itch an has been telling his an my family the same. Even though he has barely given me a hundred in the past few monthes! Im all kinds of angry over the situation but mostly id like t know that my kids are gonna b safe n im worried about them sharing a tent with this girl n my ex? Why is he lying to her? Ive given him no reason to think id b jealous or keep the kids away from him for dating. I dont know what to do n its buggin me enough I cant sleep. N god it bothers me that there is some girl out there thinking im some jealous freak who keeps a goodman away from his kids . She doesnt know how in debt his addictions n lies left me with or all the creditors who call my house or the stuff he stole from the kids the times he cheated the many jobs he has quit justcas we may have caught up. Or that he still texts me in the middle of the nite ( I dont respond ever). But if I tried to tell her she would think just what he has trained her so carefully to think. That im a crazy jealous #itch. Ive thought about just telling him I know n I guess that would b easiest to just tell him my fears. Advice?

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Ess - posted on 05/28/2013

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You don't have to speak on another person's character. Just give it time to unravel, if he's as scandalous as you say he is, it likely won't be long. Don't let the opinion of someone who has no real significance to your life bother you. She isn't marrying him at this point, so why does it matter? Sounds like she's just a season & if she's a quality person then she likely won't bother keeping him around long either. As for your kids spending time with him, I'd tell him that he can have supervised visits with them until he gets it together-- meaning you or a trusted relative of your be present. Tell him that in the company of someone else who can bear witness to the fact that you said, should you need a testimony in court. That's how I'd handle it, but it doesn't sound like he has it together enough to pursue a custody battle anyway. An irresponsible parent is not entitled to solely parent children at any time & as the more responsible party it seems as if their well-being is your responsibility by default. It's not fair, but sometimes that's the reality. Keep taking care of yourself, your kids and being the wonderful mother that it sounds like you are. Things will eventually work themselves out.

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