I recently divored the father of my children

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

I feel as though I am the only mom experiencing my situation. I am a christian concerned about my children. Sometimes my daughter cries b/c she hasn't seen her father since Sept. 2009. He made a bad decision after the separation which resulted in him being incarcerated. I have made the decision that my 6 yr old daughter will never enter prison doors to see her father (same for my 4 yr old son that has not cried once). I have a roommate that is experiencing this with his son's mother. Is this normal? Should I allow my children to visit their father?

7 Comments

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Terresa - posted on 06/17/2014

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I took my children to see their dad when he was in prison..I didn't ever get the option of what to tell them about the situation because his picture was on the front page of every news paper within 20 miles of our home town an at the time they were 9 an 10..we were the talk of the small town for what seem like a lifetime..I regret taking them to see him, they are now 18 an 19 an he's been in an out of jail since 2004..they want nothing to do with him an of course he still writes me an tells me the same lies from before, which I stopped believing long ago, but I have always regretted taking the kids to visit him, an giving the opportunity again I would not make the same mistake again.

Terresa - posted on 06/16/2014

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I was married to my ex for 13 years. .I left him in 2004 an that's when the nightmare started..He made some very stupid decisions an ended up doing 5 years federal time.I divorced him but he kept writing me begging me to come visit so I did..to make a long story short, we ended up trying again to make it work for our 2 children..it was never the same, I was miserable..2 years later he's back in jail, I've took him back 3 times..my children are 19 an 18 an now an I've washed my hands of him for good...I just can't get over the guilty feeling of not choosing a better role model for my kids, is that normal?

[deleted account]

Yes, I've told them he is in grown up time out. They have not asked what he has done. I don't know, I am soooo against them going to see him. He agreed to not allow it before he went.

Jessica - posted on 03/22/2010

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I think visitation is important...and counseling with your church's pastor. They need the reassurance that their father still loves them, and understand he will not be in there forever, but he was bad and we has to pay the consenquences or something like that...

Alisha - posted on 03/22/2010

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well im not sure really. . .i think both ways. . .you should and you shouldn't. I guess the question is why is he in there. you don't need to say. . but i think they should know their dad, its not their fault hes in there so why do they have to miss out on him. it happens and hes in there why hid it. do they know hes in there or not. . cuz if they do know then they should see him. some sort of bond is better then none.. but at the same point i know were u are coming from as not wanting to take them. . . to tell you the truth i ahve no idea what i would do. . so i wishyou the best of luck

take care

Darcy - posted on 03/22/2010

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it is totally up to you. My friend's husband was i jail for 5 years and she never brought her kids to see him b/c she didn't want them to associate their father with prison. When he got moved to a low security facility, she would bring them to family picnics but that wasn't until he had been gone for 3 1/2 years. Her kids had a hard time at first but did better as time went on.

It just depends on what you and their father are comfortable with. Even if you take your daughter to see him you will probably have other issues to deal with. She might cry inbetween visits or cry when she is there because of the amount of interaction she is allowed or not allowed to have.

Gianinna - posted on 03/22/2010

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I can imagine its hard but honestly i think you are doing the right thing by not taking the kids to prison to see there father, That is something tramatizing for the kids. What reason have you told the kids that the father isnt around? Do they know he is in prison?

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