I think I'm experiencing postpartum depression.

Courtney - posted on 03/29/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I gave birth a little less than 3 months ago to a beautiful baby boy. I'm a graduate student, and I went right back to school since I was afraid that if I didn't go back right away I wouldn't go back at all, as well as my health insurance and a large chunk of my income, at the moment, are attached to my education. Right before I gave birth, my boyfriend (who left just 4 days after our little one was born) told his recruiter that he had a baby on the way, and he was advised to wait until he finished boot to sign the birth certificate as the marines are slowing down on letting in recruits that have dependants. That basically means that I'm not only shouldering the entire load of my son's physical care ( the closest family member on either side is 2 and half hours away)...I'm taking up the slack financially too. And on top of that, since we're hiding the fact that he's a father...I can't send pictures or even talk about our child to him in letters in fear that a superior would read one and he'd get in trouble. The first month or so, I was fine. The balancing act of being single mom and full time student was ( and still is ) an interesting one , but I'm making it happen. Lately, I've been feeling a bit bogged down though. I've suffered from depression for a large portion of my life; I've even been on medication at one point. I know what it feels like to be insanely sad for months at a time. This isn't like that. I'm not sad at all. I find myself a bit hopeless, definitely overwhelmed, guilty(my pregnancy was the cause of a BC mess up), and even a tad angry at myself. My appetite and sleep pattern are weird, and I'm eating and sleeping quite a bit. My son is my rainbow, He's an easy baby... he really only cries when he's ready for a bottle, and he's already sleeping through the night (Thank Goodness!!!!). None of the ill feelings I'm experiencing are about or directed towards him. But because I have a history of depression, I've been on the lookout for signs. I can't afford to be out of commission because of my emotions...if I'm out of the game, there isn't anyone to take care of my baby, and I REFUSE to let that happen. Are the feelings that I am feeling the onset of postpartum or is this just a natural reaction to my recent birth and situation? I honestly can't decipher which is causing the issue. If it is postpartum, what do I do? I need to find some ways to relieve me of heavy feelings I have quickly. Any suggestions?

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Karla - posted on 07/22/2013

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That's exactly how I feel very sad all the time I wanna cry about everything but most of all I feel alone, I just don't understand how I'm not happy about having a beautiful healthy baby girl!

Staci - posted on 04/07/2013

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Hey momma,
first of all, ppd is very very common. I had it with both of my babies, I would suggest you talk to your obgyn as soon as possible, there are a lot of medications that can help you feel better, even if you only take them for a little while.
Depression doesn't always make you feel "sad". Feeling hopeless, overwhelmed and angry are also signs. You should go to the doctor so you can take care of yourself, feeling your best leads to being the best mom you can be.

Meagan - posted on 04/05/2013

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It seems as though you are super stressed out, and it also seems you could have postpartum depression. I had it really bad after I had my daughter. My boyfriend worked long hours, which meant I was home alone with our daughter, which made me depressed cause I felt lonely. I also was depressed because of my body. I was so insecure and self-conscious. Sometimes, I didn't want to get out of bed when my daughter was crying, I felt like doing absolutely nothing. I would talk to your doctor and see what you can do. I was put on anti-depressants and they helped a lot. Hope you get to feeling better hun. :)

Sara - posted on 04/03/2013

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If you have a history of depression then you very well may have ppd. Try and get some help before it all spills over. I hope things get better for you soon!

Desmine - posted on 04/02/2013

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This is a very common thing. I too suffered from postpartum depression after I had my daughter, who is now a big busy 3. Judging by what you have written, it seems you are suffering from major stress and anxiety. You have a lot on your plate right now, with the finances and the lack of presence from the father, I can do nothing by give you major motherly kudos. While postpartum can affect, sleeping, eating and mood, typically, it also affects everything including being able to care for your child in which you seem to be doing beautifully. I'm obviously no doctor, so my suggestion is to ask your doctor. Your biggest support right now is other mothers. Look for local single mother support groups, because the father did not sign the birth certificate, and you are not married, if your income is not too high, you will be eligible to receive government assistance which includes insurance for your child. I know it does not sound like what a " super mom" would do, but being a mother means taking care of your child by any means necessary, and sometimes all we need is someone to lean on to lighten that load even if it is for a brief moment! :)

Sena - posted on 03/29/2013

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Hey miss Courtney, sounds like (to me at least) its just being extremely overwhelmed rather than post partum depression. It still would be a good idea to bring it up to your dr tho. He may be able to help. But in the meantime, all I can suggest (and I know it'll be easier said than done) is to embrace every moment you have with your son. It won't last forever. Babies grow very fast. Since he's a rainbow, let him be the one to bring you joy and contentment. Plan a relaxing outting with him and let all your worries run away for that time. All the stress can be put on hold for a few hours. If you happen to be religious, church always helps. I found myself feeling very refreshed and feeling less lost when I went to my church. Unfortunately I don't get to go on a regular basis, but the times I did get to go gave me the hope and strength I needed to get thru whatever I was having trouble with. Last thing I can think of is to go ahead and have a good cry. You may feel like a whiny baby, but it did help me. It's worth a try at least. Hope this helps. Good luck to you :-)

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