I want some opinions please!!!!

Gabrielle - posted on 08/19/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

7

25

0

Ok so my son whom is 4 yrs old fell off a bar stool today in front of my boyfriend and I ran in the room because I knew something had happened just didnt know what....When i got in the room i saw my son sitting on the floor and i knew something had happened to him so i quickly ran over and started to hold him and ask if he was ok and then he started to cry......

My boyfriend whom is a VERY good father to his 8 yr old daughter got mad because he thinks i am coddling him.

My question is, is it not a MOTHERS INSTINCT AND/OR first reaction to run to thier child when you think they have gotten hurt????????



PLEASE BY ALL MEANS BE HONEST. I would like to know if i am indeed doing something wrong. THANKS

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Christina - posted on 09/01/2009

30

17

4

well this is a tough 1. for starters i think you're right for running to your son because it sounds like when he fell off the bar stool your boyfriend just let him sit there & didnt do anything about it. i always look my girls over then send thim on their way. i have an accident prone 10yr old & her last "accident she was running & ripped her toenail off. i had to take her to the er where they asked me if i did that to her. then they thought i was mean because i made her walk after they stitched a "new" toenail on till 1 grew out. i dont baby my children but i hold them & use my mothers instinct. u were right in what you did. dont feel bad & dont let it get to you.

Kylie - posted on 08/30/2009

143

36

15

hounest debate right ...ok then i think your guys right you can't codle your kids .Being in another room not knowing what had happened i would have run in to..even if my partner had been in the room it is our instinct to protect our young . Next time though try to slow yourself down once youv entered the room don't swoop him up straight away, sure if your son was out to it your boyfriend would have been on the case straight away ,so just try to servey the room first, ask if he is ok, then if he wants a quick cuddle give him one.It is also important for you to remember that guys bond over things like that so if you get to the room and he is ok let your boyfriend deal to it.

Tanya - posted on 08/21/2009

34

39

0

i would do the same, i think its a mothers instinct. BUT you dont know if he had a delayed reaction, or started crying because you held him. i think it might be a good idea to run to them, stop and ask if they are ok, then wait for their reaction and cuddle them if they start crying. my nece is 2 and sometimes she hurts herelf, but gets up and walks away whereas if she got suddled she will cry. with my baby girl when she calls out to me I wait for a minute or so before coming to her just so she doesnt use crying to keep me by her side all the time. i also talk to her or rock her bouncer before picking her up because sometimes she just checks to see where i am. i like clare's advice.

[deleted account]

No I dont think your doing anything wrong but at the same time if you dont make a big deal out of it, 9 times out of 10 they wont either. Of course make sure he is ok and there arent any boo boo's but also tell him he is a big boy and tell him to be careful. I have noticed my if my child fell and I didnt say anything but just watched, they would get up and keep doing what they were doing. I have noticed that fathers see things different when it comes to there boys. They want them to "manish" by time their 2yrs old. Your instinct is right just dont make a huge deal out of all boo boo's and they wont either.

Clare - posted on 08/19/2009

44

19

2

Hi Gabrielle, I think your boyfriend is right but there is a fine line. My daughter falls and bangs herself all the time but she rarely gets hurt or upset about it. I have taught myself not to react in a way that makes her think there is something wrong. I let her know she is okay (in a matter of fact but calm voice) and maybe give it a bit of a rub and have a little laugh about it if appropriate. All kids fall now and then but they can laugh it off because it is okay to make mistakes or be a little clumsy now and then, especially when you are learning. If I panic she will copy my behaviour. If Georgia falls she usually just gets a little suprise but isn't actually hurt. If I react as if she is hurt then she will cry because she is worried. I just have to make sure that if she really is (or most likely is) hurt I don't just ignore her and say 'oh your alright'. She will learn that it isn't alright to show emotion and that could be just as harmful as teaching your child to cry at the drop of a hat.

It is hard to switch off the immediate maternal instinct that runs to your childs aid without question. But just remember you could be training your child to be a drama queen. We all love our babies but sometime that means letting them take a tumble and dust themselves off.

18 Comments

View replies by

Gabrielle - posted on 09/01/2009

7

25

0

Hey Valerie, first I want to say thanks for commenting on my post. I appreciate everyone who commented. Unfortunately I disagree with you. I basically live with my boyfriend and trust him 100% with my kids because he is absolutely wonderful with them in fact probably better with them than thier own dads seriously. Sad but true fact. My kids both look up to him even after all the disciplining he has already done. He is great with them. My point is I moved in with him, my kids moved in with him. This was originally HIS house and if he didnt have a say in my kids lives than he shouldn't be watching them, and they shouldn't be in HIS house. It wouldnt be fair for me to say"sure me and my kids are going to live with you but you have no say in my kids lives". Thats not how it can be. We both have to trust that the other is going to TRY and be the best parent or co parent they can be otherwise there would be no trust, and if there is no trust than there is no relationship. Thanks.

Kylie - posted on 08/31/2009

143

36

15

i would have to say that sounds a little harsh if you ever where to marry this guy all the times you'v been drawing a line in the sand about how he has no say whatso ever in YOUR kids lifehow would you feel if your"boyfriend"turned around and said don't do this or that with HIS daughter....and where do you stop with YOUR FAMILY and HIS family..

for surely you know when and how much input your partner has in your life and your childs..it just sounds like a great way to ruin your relationship and your sons relationship with him.i don't think that he ment any harm in what he was saying to you..

Valerie - posted on 08/31/2009

77

6

19

I agree with the other moms....you want to comfort, but you also don't wanna over do it. I just want to add one thing. Your "boyfriend" is not your son's dad, or you husband. That means he has absolute zero say in how you raise your son. If my "boyfriend" ever got mad at me because he thought I was coddling my son, whether I was or wasn't, I'd tell him that until he puts a ring on my finger it's none of his business and that he knows where the door is if he doesn't like it.

Meredith - posted on 08/30/2009

48

10

7

you are not doing anything wrong, it is definitely a mother's instinct to run and protect her baby! over time, delaying this reaction to run and comfort (even though it is hard) will teach a toddler that they can get through little bumps/obstacles without mommy and be independent. children crave attention, and when mom comes running even at the slightest whimper, the little wheels start turning that "if i do this, mommy comes to the rescue". if it happens again, just calmly ask what happened... if he really hurt himself, he will run crying to you regardless because you are mommy :)

Betty - posted on 08/30/2009

1,061

7

90

When my daughter get hurt I try to be very calm and I just ask if she is hurt. Sometimes she isn't hurt at all but will cry anyway if I over react. The trick is to stay about 10 feet from them and give them a chance to decide if they are going to get upset over it or not. Soon as they cry you give the hugs and find something to get their attention so they forget about it and move on with their day.

Tamika - posted on 08/30/2009

259

49

4

I have two boys, and while I would have been concered if it was my son, I would not have reacted that way. When my boys fall I ask if they are ok and wait for them to react, because if you make a big deal when they fell and scarpe their knee for example, they will scream like its broke when the skin is not even broken.



Your boyfriend just does not want you to turn you son into a wuss. And too much coddling will do that. Trust me, I did that with my oldest and now he is 8 and crys at the drop of a hat, i dont believe in raising your son to be a macho man, but I find myself telling my oldest son to man up everytime he gets a scratch cuz he screams like he cut a limb off.



My advice is when he falls, ask if he is ok, and leave it at that. If he needs some extra love from mommy he will let you know. I learned that from my 2 year old. He hit his head the other day and it had to hurt cuz i heard the thump, he walked to me holding his head and said "mama kiss". I kissed the spot he was holding and he went on his merry way like nothing happened.

Angela - posted on 08/30/2009

8

30

1

mothers instict...but we cant over do it. We have to raise our children to be strong. But there is nothing wrong with coddling our children as long as we dont over do it

Sarah - posted on 08/30/2009

5

4

0

I have a 7y old and his uncle was sppining him on a computer chair i heard a big boom and i knew my baby was hurt i ran to see and i saw blood paniced and race to the emergency room they put a bandaid on and sent me home mabey i over reacted to when i got home every one was mad and said that i was babing him and i should of just waited to take a look at home ... i said screw all of them that is my baby and i would die if something really happen and i brushed it off. you do what you feel is right in the situation a mother always knows even if they put on a bandaid and send you home

Simone - posted on 08/24/2009

44

35

9

My son is 15months old and i used to run to him n give him cuddles everytime he hurt himself.. now he thinks if he gets hurt he'll get attention, so wenever im doin housework or makin dinner he headbutts walls and stuff till he hurts himself, so now wen he gets hurt i check that its not too bad but leave him n he stops cryin almost straight away

Kristi - posted on 08/19/2009

15

14

0

Hi Gabrielle,

I have 7 wonderfuls kids, a few were accident prone, mostly boys by the way, I have learned that if they are crying it's okay to go see if any damage has been done. You do not want them to see that your upset or panicked, this only makes them cry harder. I have always said, "if there's no blood and it's not broken they are okay."

Jessica - posted on 08/19/2009

157

10

19

I agree 100% with Clare. I have had to work very hard at making sure I dont react when my daughter takes a stumble, which at one she does a lot). She is a very tough kid and majority of the time gets up shakes it off and goes back to what she was doing without a moments hesitation. I also encourage my daughter to come to me if she hurts herself rather than me rushing to her cause more often than not she will decide its not worth walking away from her toys to get a cuddle (she isnt that hurt, more shocked). Obviously if she has taken a serious stumble I react and rush to her but it really is a fine line all round. You dont want them to cry at the drop of a hat but you also dont want them to grow up bottling their emotions. Your son will let you know if he is hurt and needs you, let him lead the way!

Clare - posted on 08/19/2009

44

19

2

Hi Gabrielle, I think your boyfriend is right but there is a fine line. My daughter falls and bangs herself all the time but she rarely gets hurt or upset about it. I have taught myself not to react in a way that makes her think there is something wrong. I let her know she is okay (in a matter of fact but calm voice) and maybe give it a bit of a rub and have a little laugh about it if appropriate. All kids fall now and then but they can laugh it off because it is okay to make mistakes or be a little clumsy now and then, especially when you are learning. If I panic she will copy my behaviour. If Georgia falls she usually just gets a little suprise but isn't actually hurt. If I react as if she is hurt then she will cry because she is worried. I just have to make sure that if she really is (or most likely is) hurt I don't just ignore her and say 'oh your alright'. She will learn that it isn't alright to show emotion and that could be just as harmful as teaching your child to cry at the drop of a hat.

It is hard to switch off the immediate maternal instinct that runs to your childs aid without question. But just remember you could be training your child to be a drama queen. We all love our babies but sometime that means letting them take a tumble and dust themselves off.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms