I was raped. Had my daughter cause I would never give her up but now the man who raped me wants to have rights to have custody

Ilovebeingamommy - posted on 05/23/2013 ( 18 moms have responded )

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In 2010 I went to a party and was druged with a date rape drug and now I have my daughter. I love her to death! And don't want something like this to happen to her. We are going through court right now . He has a lawyer and I do not. Has anyone gone through court dealing with a father with sex crimes?

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Anna - posted on 06/01/2013

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I can understand where some of what everyone is saying on here about waiting until now to report it could have a judge wondering but it is more common that rapes don't get reported and I'm sure judges are aware of it and all the reasons behind them but the rapist trying to force visitation rights obviously forced you to get the courage to come forward and the fact is that you got ,one way or another, the rapist to admit to the fact that he was fully aware of the condition you were in and that you were unwilling is amazing. Don't think that it won't hold water with the judge. But yes check into legal aid because in spite of having to possible pay the lawyers back monthly, its going to be worth it. You will have leveled that part of the field and then giving the lawyer the text will give him something to come against his lawyer because it's a confession from his own client. He will have more problems trying to shoot that down because just the fact that it's a confession. A lawyer is going to know more tricks to use then you will be able to come up with and that's what you need. I will be keeping you and your child in prayer.

Christina - posted on 05/29/2013

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the text message will serve as proof of the rape. make sure you continue to save it and show it to the authorities. even though you are reporting it years after the fact, it doesn't erase what he did. yes, it will look like sour grapes, but with the text showing as proof you can argue that you didn't choose to report it at the time for whatever reason but you are reporting it now to protect your child.

you probably should get a lawyer to even the playing field. you can do it by yourself, but if his lawyer is sneaky it will make things difficult. when i had to go to court against my daughter's father his lawyer was very sneaky and under-handed, so i eventually had to get representation for myself. my parents lent me the money for the retainer and then i had to pay $250/month after that. it was well worth it though. everything came out in my favor, and i have my lawyer to thank for that. it's a great investment, and they can usually work with you on making affordable payments. mine even let me skip the month of december "in the spirit of christmas". i was a full-time student at the time, living primarily off financial aid, so that really helped me out.

Aurora - posted on 05/29/2013

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Be prepared. They will make the case more about your character and vilify YOU to make you look like your as bad as possible.

Jodi - posted on 05/24/2013

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Well, it's not unheard of that a rapist has gained visitation rights to the resulting child. So I wouldn't rule it out. It may not seem fair, but it is possible. As yet, he has not been convicted, so unless he is, he may have rights.

Here is an article written that addresses some of the legitimate questions you may have.

http://www.mollybkenny.com/library/child...

You should get a lawyer - a lawyer would be much more qualified to decipher the laws in your state, and is more likely to be able to present a good case on your behalf to the judge.

Ilovebeingamommy - posted on 05/24/2013

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I also have text msg from him saying he knew I was druged yet still had unwanted sex with me

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Amanda - posted on 05/31/2013

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First I am amazed that you have been this strong. If you can not afford a lawyer then go see legal aid or talk to a lawyer. You may find a lawyer willing to help you for a smaller fee then others. Also if any of your friends were there that night make sure they are willing to testify if need be. If any of his old friends know and want to help then get them on your side. Chances are he wont get her alone. He may get supervised visits which means he would have to go to family services to see her and someone would be present at all times. You have proof that he raped you and a judge will take that into account. A judge will also look at the fact that he hasn't been around for three years. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there and God bless you and your daughter.

Lauren - posted on 05/30/2013

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First, what an amazing mom you are for giving your child life and love. If you are interested in sharing your story with others who have been raped, let me know, as there is great counseling for women who choose both abortion and life for their babies--and we want more to know that abortion only results in more pain after rape.

Back to the topic ... I agree that you should get a lawyer. For something this important, it will be well worth it. Also, while I wouldn't want a rapist anywhere near my child, I hope--for your sake--that he's wanting to be in her life because he's realized his mistake and wants to be a better person. That would make things very tricky, but I would be happy knowing your daughter isn't spending time with someone who is the same they were when the rape occurred.

Stay calm throughout everything. You can be passionate about your daughter's protection but don't go over the top and appear emotionally unstable. As others said, it will also be based on YOUR character. I wish you the best!!!

Judith - posted on 05/28/2013

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Hi, it is wonderful that you had your child and love her. Please get legal help to sort this out. Keep every bit of evidence that. Shows you were raped. You will need it if you go to court. I understand yur reluctance to report the rape. I was raped many years ago and never reported it. I was afraid of being blamed for leading the guy on, but remember, it is never your fault. Get counseling and work through all your issues about the rape. Apparently, things have not improved greatly over the years with help for rape victims.
I am glad you have a wonderful husband who is, in every sense except biology, the true father of the child. protect your child by getti g a lawyer. Many will work for free . It is called "pro bono." others will work out a payment plan. Best of luck. My prayers are with you. Judy

Kyrie - posted on 05/26/2013

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Take the txt message with you to court! A judge will be all over it. I once got an ex in trouble with a judge because of a single letter he wrote me. They won't listen to just words. Just facts supported by hard evidence.

User - posted on 05/25/2013

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First off I really look up to your bravery, expecially in the aspect that you kept your daughter and love her unconditionally. I dont wish that on no one or myself, but its awesome to see that someone can make such a negative event into a positive one.
I am sorry you are having to deal with this mess. I dont understand why he would want such a thing when he knows what he put you through. I wouldnt imagine that the court would allow him to have any contact, but I guess sometimes some how its possible if he wasnt charged.
Definently get a lawyer as soon as you can it will really help your situation. They know exactly what you need to do and have and I have heard of many that will work with you financially

Shauna - posted on 05/25/2013

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Well, my sister in law was raped and got pregnant and had the baby. He is five now and mom is married to the man that he knows as his father because he was around before he was born. Anyways, the man that raped her was convicted and went to prison for quite a few years and has no rights whatsoever because she was a minor when it happened. If you were a minor I would definitely look into that.

where are you from?

Ilovebeingamommy - posted on 05/24/2013

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I have a decaration from my therapies from 2011 just before I had my daughter.

Jodi - posted on 05/23/2013

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But you didn't report it at the time? Did you report it before or after he indicated to you that he wanted custody rights? It just doesn't look good that you only just reported it this year as a rape, right when he has decided he wants rights. Can you see why that might look bad to a judge?

Jodi - posted on 05/23/2013

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Does he have criminal charges for raping you? Because if he hasn't been charged with the rape, and it wasn't reported to police as a rape, then saying now that it is rape looks like sour grapes. That's the only reason I ask.

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