im 21 and he is 38 dose age really matter?

Alejandra - posted on 01/20/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Im having second thoughts about my sons father... wen i meet him he lie to me about his age saying he was 23 he lie about how meny kids he has.. and now we were doing good but now itslike i cant even go to my cousens house to have fun( fun like with my son and my cousens kids) ... but this past friday she did have a small partty ( yes i did drink)i mean i have not drink or gone out or hanged out with my cousens for the past two years .. now he is telling me im a bad mom and im the one thats doing wrong that he dont want some one like that .... did i do wrong by drinking even thought he was with me andi was with my fam... or is he right i am a bad mom... now im wondering if all this is becuse our age diff.. ?

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Jodi - posted on 01/20/2014

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This has nothing to do with the age difference. This is because he is a lying, controlling asshole, and they come in all different shapes, sizes and ages. I mean, firstly, lying to you about his age (I must say, I also can't believe that you BELIEVED him, but still.....), lying to you about his other kids??? Major red flag right there. How many other kids does he actually have? As I said, nothing to do with your age. There is nothing wrong with going out and having a few drinks once in a blue moon, as long as it isn't jeopardising your children.

And I will add that this comment is coming from someone who is older than your man, so nope, age has NOTHING to do with his opinion.

Michelle - posted on 01/21/2014

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He is abusive!
He obviously wanted someone younger then him so he could control them. Him being like that has nothing to with age, like Jodi said, he's a controlling asshole.
My husband (and myself) is much older than him and doesn't treat me like that at all. My husband ENCOURAGES me to go and catch up with the girls.
You don't deserve to be treated like that and yes you can have a social life, as long as your children are looked after first.

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Leela - posted on 01/22/2014

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A liar is a liar no matter their age. Jodie and Michelle basically have summed it up.

Michelle - posted on 01/22/2014

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That's what abusers do. They slowly segregate you from your friends and family so you can't leave. They also make sure you don't have money or any access to money so you can't afford to leave.
When I left my verbally abusive ex husband I had nothing. I was only working 2.5 days a week and there was no way I could support 2 children on that. I luckily had my Grandmothers house to go to but couldn't take my children. It was the hardest time of my life but I have turned it around.
I am now married to a wonderful man who loves my children like his own. I have a good job and my own bank account. My husband knows that I will never put myself into that position again, even though I have no intention of ever leaving him. I also have access to my husband's accounts and we know what is in all the accounts.
I also had a lot of friends contact me again after I left my ex husband and told me they didn't like him, that's why they stayed away. I now do shared care with the boys but he no longer has control over me. He has made a lot of bad decisions recently and I now have the control. He needs to accept what I choose is best for the children otherwise I can have them taken away from him. I would never stop him from seeing them though but it feels good to have turned it all around.
Good luck with it all and I hope someone can help you out soon.

Alejandra - posted on 01/22/2014

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Thanks ill start with that and no i realy dont have frinds.. and the only cousens that dose talk to me is just one and i have aske her to stay with her but she dont have the space and ita hard wen i cant even get support from my own fam and now its like he tells me something that is nothing to play around with like examppe last night he call me that his daugher had a car crash and that she is not doing well so he was going to take of and idk if i should belive him or not ... i mean its something serious nothing to be playing around with but something like this happen with him while i was prego and he left for 3m and just never came back would never call or anything like that im just so confuse now and im glad that i did find this web site its nice to talk to people that encourage me to just walk away.. thanks

Michelle - posted on 01/22/2014

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Do you have your own money?
If not do you have any friends or family that would be able to take you in for a while? You need to build up your support network and unfortunately, with men like yours they make sure you don't have anyone. They also like to control all the money so you don't have the funds to leave either.
You need to get some money together and find somewhere to move to. See if there are any women's shelters in your area as well.

Alejandra - posted on 01/21/2014

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I just dont know were ro start evryone around me just tell me that just to stay with him but i dont know how to make the first step and idk how to move on ... how do i get started

Alejandra - posted on 01/20/2014

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He has 4 kids and its like i have never ask for much ... and now that i just try to have a social life agen he start telling me stuff ... i just hate the fact that he tells me im being a bad mom for having some drinks ... i mean its been two years sence i been out or social life even with my fam.. and now is more like say if my cousens guy friends stat making jokes and i laught he tells me the next day he says that i was flirtting with them and what something with them ... and that is so not the case

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