In laws

Shobha - posted on 04/05/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Is it wrong to not allow my MIL to babysit my children. From the beginning she, my FIL and SIL have always been controlling when it came to my firstborn in every aspect. Now our relationship is strained and they do not have a relationship with my boys and I cant help but feel guilty because I see my husband's face sometimes when our kids have such a good time with my parents. I've tried to mend things between them but they do not call, do not ask to visit, nor do they even buy anything for the kids like normal grandparents. Yet, I still can't help feel a little guilty so I was wondering is all of this my fault?

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Anneline - posted on 04/06/2013

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No I don't think it's your fault. It's not uncommon for grand-parents to be controlling, they feel like they know better because they've been there. You have the right to be "possessive" with your children. But you probably told them so in a way they did not appreciate and they feel hurt, they think you don't want them to see your children at all! They probably don't dare call or come, afraid they'll upset you.

I know it's hard but why not try and talk it out? If you feel guilty (and I completely understand that!) maybe you could try and be the bigger person here, pick up the phone and arrange a visit. Than you could maybe find some time to talk and set "boundaries", tell them you'd like to raise your child the way you think fit, but that they are welcome to have a relationship with their grand-kids!
It doesn't have to be a "babysitting" relationship from the start, simple afternoon visits to start with and just see where that takes you.
It might be worth a try!

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