Intimacy Issues...Anyone else??

Christie - posted on 05/01/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Ever since the birth of my second son, it feels like our sex life has gone down the toilet and I know its my fault. It doesn't seem to matter what I try, I just don't feel the desire for it anymore. I am worried it might be hormonal or that I am just not attracted to my husband anymore. The love is there, just not that physical spark. Is anyone else having this problem??

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Stephanie - posted on 05/05/2009

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You spend all day being a good mommy and by the end of the day, you mostly need a little you time and SLEEP! Ask your husband to play with the baby for 20-30 mins while you run to the store, take a shower, read a book or whatever rejuvinates you. When you get a little time to yourself, and you're husband helps it helps you to really relax and enjoy being a wife again. It took me a while to get back into my groove, just be patient and communicate what's going on so you don't feel guilty. This hormonally is also your bodies way of saying, I've just been through nearly a year of phsyical upheaval and I need a break from being pregnant. It will all come back.

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Tanya - posted on 05/05/2009

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This is normal - Some women just don't feel like themself or just feel UGH after having a baby your hormones are everywhere and you gained some weight and you feel like you are a feeding machine and your tired from little sleep and getting used to a new routine - it's a lot to take on, but you'll see life has a way of working it's self out and these things will come natrual - One thing be honest with your partner! Tell them exactly how you feel and what they can do to help. I'm going to tell you one thing your man thinks you are beautiful you are the mother of his child and you just went through a lot to make him a daddy (again), he's thankful and he will help you get through it. Good luck

(Mom of 3 and gained 65 pounds with my 2nd daughter retaining water like crazy had an emergency c-sction after 15 hours of labor had big time baby blues after her birth and she was colic I was a mess for a while - So I'm speeking from experience, hang in there)

Christie - posted on 05/05/2009

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Quoting Dayna:

I am having the same issue, my son is now 11 weeks and I could definitely go without. Are you breast feeding? If so that will definitely effect your sex drive. It is your body's natural form of birth control just like a delayed return of your cycle when you are breast feeding. I am hoping mine returns to normal as well. Don't feel like you are the only one!


 



You are definately just still recovering from childbirth right now. My son is already a year old or I wouldn't be concerned. If all is well, you should be back to your old self within 3 months of stopping breastfeeding.

Dayna - posted on 05/05/2009

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I am having the same issue, my son is now 11 weeks and I could definitely go without. Are you breast feeding? If so that will definitely effect your sex drive. It is your body's natural form of birth control just like a delayed return of your cycle when you are breast feeding. I am hoping mine returns to normal as well. Don't feel like you are the only one!

Kylie - posted on 05/03/2009

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I thought it was just me that couldn't bare the thought of having sex after child birth, but now that their our other people out their who have the same problem as me,makes me feel abit better so thanks.

I think in time our sex drives will function again,we just need to let our bodies rest for a bit.In the mean time cuddles is just as good.

Christie - posted on 05/02/2009

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It's worse than that. My husband works 5pm until 5am in the morning so the only time for intimacy is really early morning or during the kid's nap, when our boarder is awake in the living room. Unlike him, I feel weird doing it when I know she or the kids can hear. Is that weird?

User - posted on 05/02/2009

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ever since i had my first daughter i lost it, its just apart of being a parent, you get tired after looking after them all day long so come night time u just wanna pike and go to sleep!

Dena - posted on 05/01/2009

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I went through the samething and still struggle with it today..I think this is very normal or at least my doctor says so..I am a stay at home mom and my main thing is when it's time to go to bed that is just what I want to do..I am always so tired when it because night time that i don't want to have sex, but just go to sleep..Don't worry it gets better I think being a mom is just part of it..

Patty - posted on 05/01/2009

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Quoting Christie:

Intimacy Issues...Anyone else??

Ever since the birth of my second son, it feels like our sex life has gone down the toilet and I know its my fault. It doesn't seem to matter what I try, I just don't feel the desire for it anymore. I am worried it might be hormonal or that I am just not attracted to my husband anymore. The love is there, just not that physical spark. Is anyone else having this problem??


that  happened to a friend of mine. she felt ugly, fat and like a mom and not women anymore so she took bellydance classes. After that the felt sexy and it helped her lose those last couple pounds, plus she said it was fun coming home and showing her hubby the new moves. i hope this helps gl

Kylie - posted on 05/01/2009

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to be honest, i am finding it the other way around, my husband is gone off me i feel like it.

Maddy - posted on 05/01/2009

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hey, I have two children also. Brodys 3 and hallie is just about 2. Im in the same position... it sucks because I DO want sex but by the time we get around to it, or I get into bed I have NO desire AT ALL!! I think it has to do with my birth control. Ive lost the 'urge'... Its hard and I dont know when it will get better, but Im sure it has to.. We'll just have to wait and see.

Sarah - posted on 05/01/2009

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Our sex life was weird till I stopped nursing. Something about knowing my milk was letting down just killed it. But the major issue for me, with or without nursing, was getting out of "Mommy Mode." When you're always attached to or thinking about a little one, sexy thoughts are almost impossible. So when I'm really feeling "Mommish," I try to think back to when my husband and I were dating, and remind myself that I'm still the same person, and being a mother didn't transform me into a hippopotamus with messy hair. Also, I found that it's very easy to loose yourselves in "Mommy" and "Daddy" roles, and forget why you're together in the first place. Our son's naptime and bedtime are our opportunity to play games together, have a glass of wine, and just have fun. I don't feel "in the mood" if I don't feel connected.

Megan - posted on 05/01/2009

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yep i feel ya. I felt it with my first son and now i feel it again. Its not that it doesn't feel great its just im never in the "mood". I am still struggling with this and my son is 18 months old.

Jacob - posted on 05/01/2009

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I have the same problem right now, but my youngest is 20 months old. Im thinking about going to counseling. I love my husband, just no sex drive. Keep me updated and I'll let u know as well. Good luck!!

Marcia - posted on 05/01/2009

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I would really blame it on hormones...our intimate life didn't return to anything resembling normal until I was almost done nursing (11/12 months)....hormones are crazy.

Misty - posted on 05/01/2009

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Mmm, Yes When I had my daughter, she is about 20 months. When she was born my whole life turned around, the relationship I had with her father (my soon to be x) our love life, our friendship, everything. I was so drawn from her that I really didn't care about anything any more. Sex sucked and nothing felt the same, nothing pleased me at all. I ended up going to a counselor because I knew it wasn't right. I was 21 not wanting sex (that is not normal) ... Turns out I was depressed, that I had post pardon depression. I'm not saying you do, but maybe that is not the only that is not the same any more... Make a list of what else is or might not be the same, maybe there is more, My next thought is stress..you might not feel it, but your body can, stress kills sex too... Just a thought

Cyndee - posted on 05/01/2009

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I felt the same way.. And I know it was my fault because I just did not feel attractive, or sexy anymore... But my partner kept reassuring me that I looked beautiful and that I was fine but I just did not feel that way..But after a while you will get back in the swing of things... It has alot to do with hormones.. But before you know it you will be back in the sack.. It will all past..

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