Introducing my new bf

User - posted on 09/22/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and I have been dating about a year now. I want to start doing stuff together with him and my 4 year old daughter. They have met a few times at a mutual friends house in a group setting but never anything with just the 3 of us.

Now this is where it gets tricky. Her dad and I do not have the best relationship because of his lack of maturity. He lives with his girlfriend and has been bringing my daughter around her for over a year. I have not had a problem with this because. I knew this would come after me and him separated. They have been together 2 years. She is very respectful towards me and very kind to my daughter. However, my ex has made it clear he does not want another man around our daughter. He knows I have been dating this guy for over a year and he has made it very hard on my relationship trying to break us up because he is not ready for me to move on (but he's been with his gf over 2 years!). After finally getting over the fact that I am dating, I have tried to tell him I'm ready to introduce my boyfriend in our daughters life and that has just caused unnecessary drama between all of us. I'm pretty much over his BS and controlling ways and am ready to bring my bf in my daughters whether her dad likes it or not. Her dad unfortunately has put a lot of bad things about my boyfriend into her head. She's even told me her dad told her he's "going to beat up mommy's boyfriend". My boyfriend has been very patient throughout everything and has still managed to want to be in my life and is ready to be in my daughters life as well.

My daughter is a very big daddy's girl and I'm scared she is going to have a hard time adjusting to my boyfriend. I'm also afraid she is going to tell her dad and that will bring more unwanted issues between me and her dad, then me and my boyfriend. I have told her that the thins daddy has told her about my friend isn't true (I still tell her he's just mommy's friend). What should I do!? How should I ease her into this? I can't continue to have my relationship be at a standstill because of my ex's immaturity!

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Jessica - posted on 10/02/2013

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kids that age are a lot more accepting than you would think. As for your ex he will eventually get over seeing another man with his daughter. I had an ex like this too, and he did get used to it. I would plan some fun family activities for your new bf and daughter to meet.

Michelle - posted on 09/22/2013

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For starters you don't need to tell him about your life. That's just feeding his controlling behavior. He has no right to tell you how to live your life, you are no longer together.
You introduce your BF and daughter and let your daughter know that Daddy can't do anything to hurt your BF. If you need to, contact your lawyer and get a contract written up that either of you are not to interfere with the other's life. You only need to discuss issues regarding your daughter, not who you are seeing.

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