Is anyone elses in-laws bothered by the fact that you're a stay at home mom?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Tish - posted on 08/17/2009

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I think its a battle not only with in-laws at times but as well as other people. Some people just dont understand staying at home with your children rather than placing them in daycare. If you have to work and put your child in daycare, ya i get that. I just dont see doing it unless after you finish paying for the daycare you actually have enough money left over in your check to make it even worth it. While i did make very good money at my job prior to leaving to be a stay at home mom, my husband and me agreed from day one that i would stay home with our daughter. I still get the question if i am going to go back to work, but not so often from family anymore. Being a stay at home mom is a very hard job, and the most rewarding job I could personally every ask for something that unless you do it you cannot understand. Its not like we just sit on our butts all day and do nothing!!! I do not believe in daycare, for the fact that i feel if anyone should be with my child all day it should be me not some under trained and/or overpaid strangers. Keep your head up, do not worry what other people say whats important is that you are doing what you believe is best for your child.

Annie - posted on 08/18/2009

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The fact is that they are not in your home, they do not take care of your finances and they do not tell you how to control your children, If you enjoy staying home and raising your children and you can afford it, more power to you!! the biggest lesson ive learned is you can NEVER please your in-laws so dont waste alot of time trying to!! Theyre your kids and its your decision!

Rebecca - posted on 08/17/2009

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I have gone from using a day care and going to work everyday to staying at home with my kids. it is great I really love it, and it just works for our family. My inlaws do not appreciate it though. They think it is too hard on my husband because he goes to work everyday and we basically live on his salary alone. I agree that it is tough for us to live on only his salary. but we make it just fine. We do the best we can and if I have to give up some luxuries in order to be able to afford it then i will. I feel it is better for my kids to be happy at home with me being their only caregiver, then for them to be stuck in daycare all day.

Lisa - posted on 08/17/2009

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I stay home with my 6 year old. Everyone says, well once the kids are in school, then I will work. That was me, too. But without also paying for before or after school care (which I don't trust anyway) how are both parents supposed to work? Kids are only in school for 6 hours a day, which doesn't count the time you need to get back to pick them up. And now this year my daughter's school is doing early dismissal every weds! Am I supposed to get a job by telling an employer I can only work from 9 till 2, and only til noon on weds? What do they expect us to do?

Mayra - posted on 08/14/2009

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Oh wow...my MIL is the opposite!. She says that is better that i stay home with my baby, and that no other person will take better care of my child. She didn't have the opportunity to stay home she had to work. Also she had problems with the babysitter.

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Mandy - posted on 08/19/2009

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yeah. his mom has always been a VERY hard worker and from a line of factory workers. i am a disabled stay at home mom. so-yeah-not looked upon in the best of light at all when it comes to the work issue.

Michelle - posted on 08/18/2009

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when i had our son me and my husband agreed i would stay home with him until he started school because we didn't want to put him in day care ,and other family members were either not wanting to help or could not my husband whole family except my mother in law had a problem they all kept asking me when was i going back to work i had alot of fights with alot of them but i did not go back to work until he started school he'll be in the second grade this year i have work at his school since he started and i don't regret waiting to back to work stand your ground

Cheryl - posted on 08/18/2009

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my father and brother in laws think that i shold be working and not staying home with our two kids, but even if i got a job we wouldn't be any better off cause it would just pay for daycare and nothing else, but since i do stay home they think i need to be my husbands slave, that i should clean the whole house my self with no help from him ever, do his laundry, fold it, and put it away, they get upset if my husband is making dinner (he really really enjoys cooking), my father in law complains if he comes over and theres half a load of laundry in the hamper, or a few dishes in the sink, or even if half the trash bag is full, then to him i'm lazy and not taking care of the house! i thought i was the only one who had problems like this, its really encourging to know i'm not.

Yahaira - posted on 08/18/2009

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yes, i feel like a lot of people around me are bothered by it. It might be cultural, growing up it was normal for me to see moms and dads work, I thought I would be the same. But now that I am able to stay home I love it! Even a doctor once said to me: "So how come you don't work?" I said: "You mean, outside the house?" so she said: "Yes of course, that's a very valid clarification" ...

Yolanda - posted on 08/18/2009

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At first my mother in law wanted me to go back to work but now almost a year and half later she hasn't bother me. I guess she wanted to make sure we had a enough money. I smile, and say okay and do my own thing.

Cassie - posted on 08/18/2009

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not my in laws but yes... daycare cost way more then i was making and i had to quit my job now im called lazy and worthless.. taking car of a baby is a full time job in my books plus cleaning up after the dad and cooking being the ONLY ONE that does anything in the house.. i think that i do more then if i was to get a job but the men seem to never understand that

Bernadette - posted on 08/17/2009

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Every one of you moms are very lucky to be at home with your little ones, don't let anyone tell you otherwise....if it were up to me, I would be a stay-at-home mom in heartbeat!

Erin - posted on 08/17/2009

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It's interesting how now it's called "stay at home mom", when years ago it was called being a "home maker". Any woman who has ever stayed home to take care of the kids and the home knows that it's not stay at home and eat bon-bons, it's WORK!!!!! I have 2 girls under the age of 2, and I work 24/7. Shame on your mother-in-law for making you out to be lazy. Taking care of a baby is full time work. Your child needs you. Would you rather your baby bond with a stranger or bond with you? It's a sacrafice to stay home and make a life off one income, and raise and nurture your own baby. You should give your mother-in-law Dr. Laura's book "In Praise of the Stay at Home Mom". And dont ever let anyone make you feel like your lazy because you've decided to take the responsibility of raising your own child.

Tana - posted on 08/17/2009

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my in laws think i should contribute more to the household when they dont even know the situation! i have a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old who is autistic and when he was diagnosed at 18 months me and my hubby decided that i would continue to stay at home and get him intense therapy and besides i would have to make more than the 1400 a month it would cost for daycare.

Becki - posted on 08/17/2009

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I am sure my hubbs mother hates that I am not working but the woman needs to let us live our life that is how I see it.

Shawna - posted on 08/17/2009

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Who the hell cares what they think. Its your family and your decision. You may like them but dont feel like you need to please them. You get to decide whats best for your family and they can just learn to accept that.

Sheila - posted on 08/17/2009

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I don't know about in-laws, but my parents do not like it. But I want to be there and actually RAISE my child and not depend on shoddy daycare, or anything like that, when it comes time for socialization I will join play groups and mommy outing groups. I would rather keep my daughter home with me, as for extra income, I do clean peoples houses and apartments for a few hours a week, but my daughter's daddy is home with her too, so she always has her parents with her.

Maggie - posted on 08/17/2009

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I wish I could afford to go out and work! Being a stay at home mom is the hardest job I've ever had and I used to waitress :) Honestly, you know your situation better than anybody else and if they don't "get it" then maybe you should explain it to them... frankly!

Medusapain69 - posted on 08/17/2009

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I work about 30 hours a week, but that is only becuase we work my shifts around my fiances' shifts and visa versa, if that wasnt possible then i would be forced to be a stay at home mom as i have worked out i would earn about 50 pence an hour if i worked and sent my child to day care... and that is not worth it! In answer to pushy in laws is ignore them, they dont know whats best for your kids, and their insensitive comments only hurt you, i can bet tehy are not loosing any sleep over it... though perhaps they need to find something else in their lives to keep themselves busy, something that doesn't involve passing judgement on others and how they run their lives.

Lin - posted on 08/17/2009

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My husband's bio mom is like that; I'm waiting for the day she asks me what kind of bonbons and soap operas I like, as that is what I supposedly do all day. She claims because she was a working single mother that everyone else can do it too. She forgets that HER parents basically raised my husband until they passed, GAVE her a house to live in, GOT her a job, and made sure my husband had food and clothing. I don't see her trying to do a bit of that for us - all she does is announce loudly in front of everyone at a family reunion how we need to get a new car (she buys new ones for her stepdaughter and her husband all the time).



My husband's dad's side, and my side, however, are great about it. In fact, they go out of their ways to make sure I get a break and some adult conversation.

Emy - posted on 08/16/2009

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Our parents' generation grew up during the sexual revolution, so being a stay at home mom probably means something else to them. Sometimes I think my mom is annoyed that I'm just a work at home mom.

If you feel that being at home is the way to put your kid first, by all means do it! Hopefully your husband will support you and tell your in-laws not to give you a hard time about what they probably consider a luxury.

Amber - posted on 08/16/2009

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Quoting Tricia:

at least im not the only one. my mother in law is constantly making comments about how im not working and how i should have so much "free time" time now. i used to work 50-60 hours a week and was never as exhausted as i am staying home. we have never asked for money as a matter of fact were doing fine and i dont even ask them to babysit since they watch my sister in laws kids like 3 days a week and told us they couldnt help us with childcare the minute i got pregnant. i like staying home but she makes a comment almost every time i see her and its really getting to me. she'll say things like "oh well so and so can't afford to stay home, kinda like you" or "well sandra (my sister in law) has to squeeze in time with her two into two months out of the year because she doesnt have the luxury of staying home 12 months like tricia" its unbelieveable since i just stopped working in january. sorry to rant it is just really getting to me. if my sister in law stayed home it would be ok but im just some lazy bum because i dont see the point of paying for daycare to not spend time with my child. rahh


 

Amber - posted on 08/16/2009

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YES, I HAVE HAD THAT PROBLEM MYSELF, BUT YOU GOT TO ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION, BE THERE FOR YOUR CHILD OR LET SOMEONE ELSE RAISE THEM? I CHOSE TO BE THERE FOR MY CHILDREN AND DIDNT REALLY CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THOUGHT, ITS NOT THEIR LIFE ITS YOURS, AND YOUR CHILDS. I THINK SOMEONE THAT IS A STAY AT HOME MOM TAKES ALOT OF BRAVERY NOT ALOT OF PEOPLE CAN DO THAT 24/7. STAYING AT HOME I THINK ALSO HELPS THE CHILD BE ABLE TO BE MORE THEY'RE SELFS TOO, THEY DONT HAVE SOMEONE THEY DONT KNOW WATCHING THEM AND I THINK ITS JUST BETTER ANY WAY YOU LOOK AT IT!!!

Tibitha - posted on 08/16/2009

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I give props to all you SAHM's. Next month my daughter turns 5 and has jus started pre-k. I was fortunte during my pregnancy and up until she was about 15mths I got to stay @ home and raise her. Due to unfortunate circumstances and suddenly finding myself a single mother and living with my parents. I had to put my daughter with a babysitter. Daycare is expensive and I couldnt afford it but there was a woman who watched me when I was young and she took care of my daughter for 1 1/2 yrs. I wrked @ the hosp in the ER and I wrked 60 plus hrs a wk. I saw my daughter for maybe an hour of the day. I missed out on alot of her growing up and its time I can never get back. I got married a year ago and with my husbands job I was capable of staying home with my daughter for the past year and to watch her grow. My inlaws they always said things to me about getting a job or going to school, but I just told them We were doing fine and if needed I'd get a job. Now that she has started school I picked up a part-time job on the wknds @ the hosp. To have extra money for her. So, forget the inlaws. Stay at home and love your baby or babies. Like others have said its something u never get back.

Jennifer - posted on 08/16/2009

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My mother inlaw had her comments too when i stopped working, luckly my husband stuck up for me. Maybe its resentment because she was single and worked full time to take care of him and his sister....but I know partly its because thats her son...and she didnt think I was good enough. We're pretty close now though. My daughter is almost 7 and my son is 2 now and ive stayed at home for about 5 yrs.



Once they see your kids and what a wonderful job you all are doing they'll come around...and if they dont its their loss! Stay Strong!

Kylie - posted on 08/16/2009

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Exactly Emily Ansell! I couldn't agree with you more. Why should we PAY someone else to raise our children when we are perfectly capable of doing so ourselves? If we didn't want to raise our children ourselves, we should never have popped them out. Then again, the reason some women have children is because of money. For example, the maternity bonus payment from the government. has anyone else noticed that there are more and more younger mother's than before this was introduced???

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My Mother In Law used to make comments all the time! I don't know if she does anymore or not because I just ignore it and her most of the time...It's not her life, It's mine and my husbands. We do what works for us, our family.

Angela - posted on 08/16/2009

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O.M.Goodness yes, They figure that since they had to work that I should have to too. I've desided to stay at home with my children untill they can speak clear enough if something happens to them, I don't trust anyone with my children and things happen to kids everyday everywhere and my kids aren't going to be statistics. If they can't tell me that someone hurt them and touched them then they stay with me or my mom until they can. My in-laws haven't even called to ask to visit with my son Silas and he will be 5 in April. They didn't show up at the hospital when I had him and now I'm 2 and a half months pregnant again and they probably won't show up this time either. It's okay though because he knows who really cares and who doesn't just by thier actions. It's ashame though.

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My husband's ex-stepmother (EX, hurrah!) used to make comments all the freakin' time! I should have a real job, we couldn't afford for me to stay home, I was too lazy to work, I was a bad mother and a bad wife for REFUSING to work....blah, blah, blah! The truth was, my husband wanted me to stay home with our son, i wanted to stay home, and we could afford it. END OF STORY. Beyond that, what you do is none of their business. I finally got fed up with the woman and confronted her. She 'punished' me by not speaking to me for two years. So really, I got the best possible outcome I could've hoped for. I hope your relationship with your in-laws is not as contentious as mine was, but I do think you need to confront them about it. Do it gently, make sure your husband knows you expect his support, then tell them you enjoy staying home, your family is happy, and you can afford it. Then tell them the subject is closed, and you will not discuss it further.

User - posted on 08/16/2009

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I have really good in-laws. They always said i should stay at home with my kids and i am really lucky that my husband has the same veiws. Do what you think is right and ignore what your in-laws say, nobody can bring your children up better than you, there is plenty of time for you to work when the children start school

Lacey - posted on 08/15/2009

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god i hate inlaws...they are horrible people. i just want to punch them both. i honestly dont know what they think. they probably dont give a crap..just like they dont give a crap about their grandchildren. nice huh? hah

Tracy - posted on 08/15/2009

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I quit working about a month after my hubby and I got married. My job wasn't providing enough hours, especially since we lived almost an hour away it barely paid for the gas. It's been almost 7 years, and we have 2 boys and a baby due in April. I am so thankful for the time that I have been able to spend with my children. Sure, I would love to get a job to help out or to just have some play money, but that's just not possible. My hubby has a good job, but because of his hours I would barely have any time with him if I did go to work. It's definitely not worth it for us to put our kids in daycare. My oldest boy will be going to Kindergarten at the end of this month, but we still have another year before our other LO can go to preschool, and with the baby on the way I anticipate that it's gonna be another 4-5 years before I even think about trying to go to work again. I have been lucky in regards to in-laws though. My MIL was a SAHM and so was my mom up until I was about 13, so I don't have any pressure and it makes our family dynamics really nice. I am very sorry to hear about everybody having these difficulties... I don't understand how someone could not be supportive of their child's decision on being a SAHM.

Jessica - posted on 08/15/2009

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Other than that...lol It's your choice to stay at home! Your extremely lucky to be able to and your MIL needs to understand that this is your child and your life, not hers. If thats the way she does things then that's her choice but there is no need for comments or jibes. If I were you I set her straight on the score!

Jessica - posted on 08/15/2009

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Quoting Nicole:

my in laws feel that a strong woman is one that builds a career and makes alot of money. I disagree with that completely. I believe that a strong woman stays home and takes care of her family. from cooking, cleaning to being the one that is there physically and emotionally for her children and husband . My in laws feel that daycare is ok. I feel that daycare is over used for parents who choose to give birth and pawn their kids off on strangers so they can make money instead of being there for their kids. I listen to and respect dr. laura schlessinger and her ways have worked in my life amazingly. I breastfed both of my children and did not pump so my children were by my side for the first year of their life. Unfortunatly my in laws don't agree with any of that, but its a good thing I am raising my kids so it really doesn't matter LOL


I have to say that I have a big problem with what you have stated as when I returned to work my son started daycare. It's not because I value money over my son! It's because I value my son having a roof over his head, food in his stomach and clothes on his back. I'm extremely offended by your statements and believe them to be ignorant! Not everyone is blessed with a decent partner and steady income! I'm a single mom and I certainly don't intend for my son to be raised on benefits. I will provide the best life and future for my son possible and if that involves 1 day or 7 days of childcare then so be it!

Rachael - posted on 08/15/2009

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Not to my face but what gets me is it is alright for them... Plus they like to tell me how my kids should be farther along and all and even pressured my husband and I to get my daughter tested...well they said that she was SMART and if we brought her back next year they would probably laugh and tell her to go...I asked for it in writting so they would get off our backs!

Anna - posted on 08/15/2009

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My MIL has said things to me about staying at home, but she has also said point blank that she is jealous that she didn't have the chance to do so. She hasn't been horrible like some other MIL's on here but maybe that is why they are all being so rude? They only wish they could've had the choice to do so? Sorry to hear about all the drama and good luck!!

Michelle - posted on 08/15/2009

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My MIL hates that I'm a stay at home mom. We're barely making ends meet, because my husband has health problems. The thing is, up until recently we've made ends meet fine and have been doing way better. He makes way more than I could and we get free insurance at his job, well...mostly free and because of his heart condition, he needs that insurance. His job is hard to work around, so my MIL always makes snide comments about me putting more stress on his heart by making him work when up until now she thought he was lying to her about his heart condition! Now she believes him because she's trying to make me look bad and since all of our kids will be in school together as of Sept 1st, I've been looking for something third shift but the economy is bad and I've had no luck. So now she's telling him I'm not really looking and it drives us both crazy. Lol...

Emily - posted on 08/15/2009

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I'm glad I haven't run into this yet, although I usually answer "I'll have to see when the time comes" when I'm asked if I'm going back to work. As many people have already said, my income would go pretty much completely to daycare, and I didn't have a baby so someone else could raise him. And, the wait lists for daycares is ridiculous where we live, on average 1-2 years. So I'd have to put his name in right now (one of the ladies at work suggested I do so while still pregnant- yes, its that bad) and hope there's a spot somewhere. Too much hassle for something we don't want to do anyway.

Kylie - posted on 08/14/2009

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Ladies, I am so glad that I am not the only one with inlaw problems. My (future) mother inlaw decided that because she didn't like what my hubby-to-be and I decided to do for our wedding reception (get guests to pay for their own meals 'coz we just couldn't afford it) that she took it upon herself to put herself in charge of paying for not only alcohol which they (inlaws) said they'd pay for at our engagement party, but also the food because she didn't think it was right asking our guests to pay for themselves. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate them coming forth on their own accord but to be so pushy about it. Sheesh! What if my parent's were going to pay for that? In actual fact, they were. But my parent's have now considered paying for our photos which incidently is cheaper than paying for the reception. Sucks to be the inlaws but, she shouldn't have put her foot in where it wasn't wanted to begin with.

My inlaws also ask my hubby-to-be and myself everytime they see us IF I have a job yet. Until recently, it was always NO, BUT SHE'S TRYING! Finally, I got the last laugh with our last visit because this time we were actually able to say YES that I was working. It isn't much but, it brings in a little extra cash each fortnight and so far, I'm actually enjoying myself. I'm a Mystery Shopper! Like I said, it's not much but, it helps.

So, ladies with inlaw problems and not working. Don't sweat it! I'm a stay-at-home mum and I believe that if not for us staying home, our children would be neglected. How would our inlaws feel about that??? Besides, a stay-at-home mum is a 24 hour, 7 day career. It never stops, even with the bigger kid's (husband's and husband's-to-be).

User - posted on 08/14/2009

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You got that right Kim. Your 100% right.We are everything that you mentioned at the end of your post.

Kimberly - posted on 08/14/2009

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I am a stay at home mom and when I talked of getting a morning job just to get out and get some adult conversation lol my mother in law made a remark to me that there are jobs every where and she could not understand why I could not find one even though she has two adult children who live at home don't paty rent and neither of them could find a job for like two years because the economy is so bad. She just made it like jobs are every where and that I should have found one by now. But I just want to work when he is not working because why would I have some else raise my kids just to give him/her/daycare all the money anyway. I would rather not bring home a pay check and raise my own kids instead of giving someone my whole check to raise them for me. So if I can't find a job when he doesn't work ( in the morning because he works 11or2-11 most days six days a week) then I won't work at all and she thinks it's bad of me to have him work all the time while I stay home. But you know what I say don't we already have a job where we are on call 24/7? Because even when he is off sleeping at night if someone wakes up throwing up I am the one to answer the call. So our job is harder than any paying job. We are nurse, doctors, repair ladies (toys), chefs, laundry mat workers, dish washers, maids, and anything else we can think of... we are it isn't that enough?

User - posted on 08/14/2009

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While I am at work my husband is home with the kids. And, so when he goes to work in the evening which he has a cleaning business I stay home with the kids or the in-laws stay with the kids if I go to work with him.

Malissa - posted on 08/14/2009

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if anyone opposes you staying home with your child, which is really the best thing to do, screw them sounds like your mother in law (tricia) is an asshole...

Melissa - posted on 08/14/2009

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My mother-in-law hates that we choose for me to stay home with the kids and because of this she will come over and check everything in the house and is always telling me that the house is not clean enough. She makes me crazy and I truly dread when she comes over.

Donese - posted on 08/14/2009

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I think it is great if you are able to stay at home and your inlaws should respect your choice to do so, but in response to some of the posts on here I do not believe being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world. I work full time and I take care of my son full time I am lucky enough that with my schedule I am able to do so.

User - posted on 08/14/2009

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My in-laws were getting on my nerves up til this past spring and I am now working 4 times a week at a hair salon plus cleaning with my husband and cleaning the salon too.

Tiffanie - posted on 08/14/2009

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My mom is bothered by it! My husbands mom loves it! My husband and I decided that I would stay home because of the money issue, safety, and my son would get better care from his mother than some teenager making min wage. Plus think of the bonding experience.

Jane - posted on 08/14/2009

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love all stay at home moms and working moms! so i just lost my job, my 5 year old girl will be starting school in two weeks and my 4 year old boy will be going to day care at the same time.(going to day care because he will miss his sister too much and he needs some friends) he don`t have to go every day and i can pick him up at any time.It`s only 7$ per day. So all my friends and family are stay at home moms. The problem is my boyfriend he wants me to get a job to pay for the daycare bill. o.k i can get a job i think that would be great...new friends and a life...but who`s going to get the kids ready for school pick then up for lunch feed them and then take them back to school and then pick them up at 3:00.and what about super,cleaning and washing clotheing,bathtime and homework... ya my boyfriends not thinking about all that! i guess my boyfriend needs a wake up call...

Katy - posted on 08/14/2009

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Oh, my mother and father in law don't like it most of the time, and constantly bring it up to my husband. We both decided when we got married that I would be a stay at home mom, and only work if I absolutely HAD to, which I have once before when we needed the money, and it didn't work out for either of us with me working. My husband just listens and explains that he wants me to stay at home just as much as I do, so that puts an end to it... for a week or so @@

Nicole - posted on 08/14/2009

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My problem wasn't with my inlaws it was with my own parents. My parents thought I should work full time and send my kids to day care. my husband and I have tried it with me working along with him but we end up making less in the end because we were paying for the daycare I was basically working to pay for daycare and nothing past so I quit because what was the point in working, it wasn't helpful in anyway. The way I figure as along as we are doing what is best for our family and taking care of the kids no one should have a problem. As long as the kids are taken care of. That is what I started telling my parents. That i know no one will take better care of my kids than me. No one can disagree with that one. And grandparents should have what is best for the kids in mind not what is going to make your family the most money. That is not as important as the kids.

Alita - posted on 08/14/2009

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If the problem seems to be that you're not helping with paying the bills, you can do what I do and work from home. If you're interested in learning more about what I do, I'd be happy to tell you! Just visit my website www.MyMommysDream.com

This is one of the best decisions I've made in my life. Now I can stay home with my kids and have the income too! It's a win win situation!

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