Is it wrong to have my daughter involved in my relationships?

[deleted account] ( 15 moms have responded )

My name is Perrinique Horton. I'm 21 years old. I'm not married but i date. Please can somebody give me advice on this please

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Dugo - posted on 10/31/2017

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Lena - posted on 09/15/2017

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depending on how old your daughter is and what is meant by having my daughter involved in my relationship???

Porsha - posted on 01/16/2010

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I personally dont let men meet my girls. For personal growth reasons, emotional reason, and because they shouldnt be worried about grown up business. it should be serious before your kids are involved because your choices also affect them and you have to remember you dont want them to have an impression of some many different men coming in and out of their lives. Children learn by example

Michelle - posted on 01/15/2010

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as long as you have been with the person for a while its ok but its hard on the child if your bringing guys in and out of their lives

[deleted account]

I think you have to be very careful who you let her meet. Definitely let every guy you date know up front that you have a daughter, and how important she is to you, so they know the situation up front. But you don't want her to get attached to someone and not have it work out. It can really lead to emotional attachment problems in the future, and she could believe that every guy will leave her, because kids take everything so personally. Even if you try to explain to her that it's not b/c of her that he doesn't come around anymore, she could still convince herself that it's her fault.

Raquel - posted on 01/15/2010

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I agree with everyone here, you should wait until you know for sure the relationship will work. I am also single with a 2 year old and I date. I do not allow my date to see my son or my son to see my date.

My son goes to bed every night at the same time and wakes up very early. When a date comes over he comes when my son is already in bed and he leaves before my son wakes up.

My date also do not want to be involve with my son because he too wants to make sure this relationship will last before making such a move. Besides I don't want to confuse my son with having strange people in his life today and within 1 month they are gone.

Another thing is...any guy who wants to get serious with me have to also be ready to act as a father to my son. They say its better when the guy also have kids because if he don't it becomes an issue between him, your kid and you. I'm not sure if that's true but it is something to consider.

LaRhonda - posted on 01/15/2010

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I was in your situation at 18. I had my daughter at 17 and I realized during my pregnancy that her father and I could not be together. He just wasn't in a place that I thought was appropriate for the responsibility of raising a child. I only allowed 2 men to meet my daughter. One that I thought would become something more. It didn't because he couldn't seem to stay on the "straight and narrow". I was happy that she was only 1 and has no recollection of him. The next man I let around her became my husband and has been in her life ever since (she's 10 now).

I thought it was important for any new guy to be aware of my child, but I didn't give them the priviledge to meet her unless I thought our relationship would be long term. It is important not to let different men in a child's life unless you are confident that they will be around long-term. Of course, we all know that what we thought would last could end. Listen to your instincts when it comes to a man. If he gives any signs or signals that he may not be the one, take those seriously and don't allow your child to be around them.

Lisa - posted on 01/14/2010

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i have a child from a previous relationship,when i felt it was time to start seeing people again i made it clear from the start that i came as a package, you can tell from their first reaction if they are a keeper. I only met up with this one guy maybe twice a week after about 3 months i decided to let him meet my son, but as i said you can just tell, 7 years later and were happily married and have two beautiful daughters. I no your probably afraid trust me i was to but you have to take a chance. Its not like your going to move a stranger in and insist that your daughter calls him daddy, if she sees your happy and you involve her in your life it make the whole acceptance of your relationship alot easier

Sarah - posted on 01/14/2010

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Here would be my suggestion. I would not introduce your daughter to any of the guys you date until you have become very serious and it is becoming close to the relationship being a marriage. So most likely the engagement period. On one side you want to make sure any guy you pick works well with your daughter and your daughter with him, so you do want to give that some time. But you also don't want men coming and going in her life acting like a father and then leaving. That will create A LOT of problems for your daughter. That will become the father image she will learn thus it could lead to wanting to attract guys as she gets into her teens for the attention she lacks from males. It can also lead to her picking a guy that will be in and out of her life. There are also those guys that are very charming and nice and seem like the sweetest guy in the world and you wonder where he came from that are really truely perverts. They know how to charm and how to make you not even suspect them, so keeping your child away while you are in the dating process may help weed them out. The longer and harder it is to get to the child the less they will hang around.

Ashley - posted on 01/14/2010

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ok well.. my daughter was 6months old when i met my husband and well i met him at a friends house and she liked him right off the bat.. she went right to him.. and i thought that was great.. i didn't see anyone else other then my first daughter's sperm donar.. before my husband but i seen it as if my daughter didn't like him there i wasn't even going to bother with him.. so that was my first steps because i came as a package.. but that is just my thoughts..

my store is that i walked by my husband in walmart and feel in love but kept walking because i thought i was young and so was he and i had a baby no guy at my age wants a woman with a baby.. well 3 days later he ended up at my friends house*a grandma like friend* so i sat down and put my little one on the floor and with all the people in the house she went striaght for him.. like she knew i seen him the other day.. lol so that gave me the go ahead and he was great with her within the time i was sitting there.. now NOT right off the bat did he watch her while i had to do something that took a few weeks.. but we were always together... so i knew how he acted with her.. we got together Feb 14th and married April 7th.. lol i know not a long time.. but i'm pregnant with my 4th and we have been married almost 5years now.. sooooo..

Carolee - posted on 01/14/2010

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Make sure you know him first. My sister did background checks at work (they work for the same company, but in different stores) on my now-husband when we first started dating. Talk to those who have known him the longest, and then decide if you would want your daughter to know him... if you don't it's probably going to be a safe bet to end the relationship right then.



Once you find someone who you would like your daughter to meet, introduce them as friends (i.e. - this is mommy's friend from work/school/mutual friend/etc.) for a while first. Let him come over and spend time getting to know her slowly. I did once every two weeks to begin, then once a week, and worked up to him staying over twice a week and coming over for a "play date" with my son once a week on top of that.



I know a lot of this sounds paranoid, but you have to honestly think about what your daughter is thinking/seeing. Not only is your safety with these guys a concern, so is your daughter's. I hope you find somebody who deserves you! It's not easy being a single mom, and it's not easy dating... so to find someone who respects you for doing both is a wonderful find. I hope you find every happines my husband and I have (it still fells odd to say "husband"... we have been married for two weeks!).

[deleted account]

I am not in the situation, however, I would be so extremely cautious. Not like everyone out there has bad intentions, but there are soo many stories where the child gets treated differently because he/she doesn't belong to the partner by blood. There are also situations though where the new partner loves the child as their own genuinly. You just have to date someone and really get to know them, know their personality and what they will be like when you're not home. I wouldn't have my child meet them until I was sure there was a very good chance they'd be a part of my life, but that's my take. Just do what you feel is best for your child first and then you. Good luck!

Jess - posted on 01/14/2010

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I think its great that your getting out there and moving on from your babies daddy. But I would be very careful on who she meets. Its always good to make sure your relationship is going somewhere before you bring home a potential "step father figure".



And its always good to find out what kind of man your dating before you expose your daughter to him too. Predators find their way into homes all the time and I would hate to see you be targeted by one as a means to getting to your daughter. Its such a horrible day when you have to consider that when accepting a date from someone :(

Tiffany - posted on 01/14/2010

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It's tough to say what works for you and your child. I would be cautious of who she meets. For me I would wait till I know that there is a relationship there is the first place. If you are finding yourself often with a new guy you may want to hold off on her meeting him. Remember your daughter is learning from what you do. If she grows up seeing new guys constantly in and out of your life then she may grow up with the wrong idea. You will also subject your self to a lot of hard questions from her.

Jamie - posted on 01/14/2010

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I dont think she should be involved until you have been seriously dating for 6 months to one man. You dont want to have guys coming and going in her life.

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