Is my boyfriends ex making this up?

[deleted account] ( 10 moms have responded )

My sons father and I broke up when he was two. He has still been seeing him on a regualar basis. He got his then girlfriend pregnant but he ended up leaving her. He was still seeing the baby and helping her out. When the baby was 5 months she just uped and moved and told him to f off because she was using the the kid as a pawn to make him do whatever she wanted and he finally said no i will help you with child support and taking him whenever you need me to. He would pay child support and buy things for him but then she would call almost every other day asking for money for diapers and such and he wud tell her that he has those things at his house and he wud bring them over for her and she would say no she wanted the money. so he felt she just wanted the money for other things. long story short we have recently gotten back together and ever since she heard that she keeps trying to contact him again when before she wanted nothing to do with him and then today she decides to call and say that the kid is mentally handicapped with either downs syndrome or cerebral palsey. Ive read up on both and down syndrome seems to always be diagnosed at birth but i saw that cerebral palsey usually isnt diagnosed until the child is 2 or 3 but doctors can usually see signs before that. I dont have a problem with her we were always friendly when i dropped off my son at their house but the kid is 8 months now and was fine before this. so im jsut wondering if maybe im wrong in thinking that she may be using this as a ploy yet again to get him to feel guilty and either come back to her or do whatever she wants again. She had completely cut off contact and wanted nothing to do with him until she heard we were getting back together.


Jane - posted on 11/13/2011




"the kid is mentally handicapped with either downs syndrome or cerebral palsey"

You might suggest that your boyfriend insist on a written report from the child's doctor or a face-to-face meeting because:

1) Down's Syndrome, often diagnosed even before birth, is indeed a form of mental retardation. It may not be much, though, but Down's kids often have heart and intestinal problems requiring surgery, as well as eye and ear problems. It is caused by an extra copy of a chromosome, giving the child 47 of them instead of 46. It is easily diagnosed by a chromosome test.

2) Cerebral palsy is a physical impairment, not a form of mental retardation. Thus, the child would not have a mental handicap from cerebral palsy, but instead problems with walking and controlling his body. Cerebral palsy is thought to be the result of lack of oxygen at some point, affecting brain cells. A chromosomal test would show the child to have the normal 46 chromosomes.

I doubt that any doctor wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a chromosomally-caused mental handicap and a physically-caused physical handicap. I suspect she is not telling the full truth, or possibly any truth at all.


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[deleted account]

thank you for your opinions. Helps me feel like I am not crazy for thinking that. I havent said anything because i dont want to cause a fight. But at the same time if she is lieing then i think he needs to know. im just not sure how to approach the subject or i should at all becuase its not my kid.

Mommy - posted on 11/16/2011




I don't understand how she can call and say the kid has downs or cerebral palsey. Two different things, and if she went to a doctor they wouldn't say that it's either downs or CP, they would tell you one or the other. They aren't interchangable, as his ex appears to imply. The whole thing sounds fishy.

Stifler's - posted on 11/15/2011




I would ask for a doctor's report to determine what the kid actually has if she can't actually tell you whether it's Down syndrome or cerebral palsy. If she can't produce that she's probably making it up. Down syndrome and CP aren't much alike in symptoms at all.

[deleted account]

thank you. im really not trying to just say shes lieing beause if its true that is realy awful and of course i expect him to help.she just has used ploys in the past and it was sucspisious that it was all of the sudden . its just a gut feeling. I have not said anything to him since i dont want to upset him more. I think he was just so in shock and feels so guilty that he did not even stop and think about how this was just an overnite thing she started saying. so im not really sure how i should broach the subject or if i just need to keep my suscpsion to my myself or try and find out for myself. like i said she moved but only a few hours away and wont bring thekid or let him come see the kid.

Charity - posted on 11/15/2011




Jane- Cerebral Palsy can be a mental retardation! I know usually a child with cerebral palsy has physical handicaps, but they can also have mental handicaps as well. My sister has Cerebral Palsy. She can walk & can control most of her body. She's able to feed herself, dress herself, wash herself, etc. She isn't able to speak very well (She can say a few basic words; Mom, Dad, baby, my name, her name, bed, juice, etc), she has to have constant supervision, etc. She's mentally handicap! She's been tested & we were told mentally she'd never be able to develop over the age of 3-4, if we were lucky. My youngest is 3 & truthfully he's mentally developed at a higher level than my sister. It took my Mom until the time she was 4 to get an accurate diagnosis. I love my sister very much & would do anything in the world for her!!

Sonia- It truthfully sounds to me like the ex is making all this up. I've never heard of a doctor telling someone they think it's either cerebral palsy or downs. There are different characteristics for cerebral palsy & downs. I've worked with child with downs & with my sister having cerebral palsy I can tell you from experience they are very different handicaps. If the ex is lying about the child having a handicap, that's completely awful! To make up something like that is horrible!! I agree with Mavis, there needs to be a custody & child support agreement in place. This will also give him full access to the child's medical records, etc.

Mavis - posted on 11/15/2011




Sounds like he needs a formal custody & child support agreement, so things are less ambiguous. Legal aid can help with that kind of thing if money's an issue. Usually medical info & costs are required to be shared in a formal arrangement.

[deleted account]

thank you that was my thought as well especially since she still refuses to bring the kid over to see him

[deleted account]

I support him being in this childs life but dont want him feeling so guilty if shes lieing.she has a history of doing this or else i would not doubt her.

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