is ok for me not to let my sons father take him?

Amanda - posted on 12/21/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My son is 4 years old. the only real time without cuting his time short he spent with my son was for a week a few months ago. and now he wants him furing the summer. for 3 weeks. and my son barely knows him. also i dont fully trust him, and my son has told me he didnt wanna go he wanted to stay with me. i told my sons father that and that didnt seem to care. he said i told him to say that when i didnt. he doesnt understand how smart he is and how aware he is. also he a very disrespectful person. but im just wondering would it seem like im beeing a B* if i didnt let my son be with him for that long without me? i would really like some advice on this please.... i dont know what i should do

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Jodi - posted on 01/02/2013

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So if you've already checked into it, and already know where you stand legally, why did you bother asking a question about it? There is no need to be snitchy in your response just because you didn't put half of the information in your OP. We can only work with the information we have.

Just for the record, where I live, if you don't have a court order, you do NOT have sole physical custody, married or unmarried. Without a court order, it is automatic joint custody. Have you checked that one out legally where you live?

Jodi - posted on 12/22/2012

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"hes your baby boy, you get to say if he goes or doesnt "

Actually, he isn't HER baby boy, he is THEIR baby boy, and she doesn't have all the rights. Children have a right to get to know both parents. Unfortunately, at age 4, he is not old enough to make that choice.

Do you have all the say? No, that's what the court system is for. No parent should be able to make that choice for their child. Just be warned that if you start denying him access, he could take you to court for court ordered visitation (and he will get it), and your withholding will not look good.

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hes your baby boy, you get to say if he goes or doesnt if you are worryed about him being away from your for so long then follow your heart and keep him with you thats what i would do as i am the same with my son i really dont like him staying out and being away from me mums know best hope you make a desision soon but what ever you decide is your choice :) xx

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Amanda - posted on 01/06/2013

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jodi- fl i do. in the florida statue it says everything on that... so for dove that means i will be able to do something about it if he ever did take off with him. which if i would think hes that kind of person to just take off with him no way in hell would son be going with him. im very protective of who is around him. father or not. if i dont trust them my son wont be alone with that person.

Amanda - posted on 01/06/2013

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jodi- i wasnt beeing "snitchy" maybe it came off that way. but im not talking to you differently then i would to anybody else. thats just me. sorry if you felt that way.

Amanda - posted on 01/06/2013

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thank you for everyones advise... but ive made my desicion. and NO JUDGE will let my sons "father" take him to another state without my permission and without me when my son is just 4 years old and doesnt know him. ive already checked into it. but the way i see it if he really wants to step up and be involved with my son then he can take me to court for visitation rights. that is not my reaponsibility. i let his father see him whenever he wants if its before hand that he asks me. and i do compromise believe me I DO. but anyways thank you for the advice..

Lacye - posted on 01/02/2013

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Think of it this way Amanda:

Reverse the roles here. What if it was your ex that was making all of the decisions and was telling you that no you can't take your own son for 3 weeks. It would be hard on you wouldn't it?

Also, you need to take him to court for visitation to be set up. It's not fair to the father for you to be able to tell him when and where he can see the child he shares with you. And no, the father's treatment of you has nothing to do with how he treats your son. A judge will tell you this in a heartbeat.

From the sounds of it, your ex isn't the only one who doesn't want to compromise. You've shown this when you said you don't have to let him see his son if you didn't feel comfortable with it.

Amanda - posted on 01/02/2013

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jodi: um no i dont, we never been to court. so leagally im not obligated to have my son be with his father if i dont feel comfortable with it. especially since its out of state and my son just turned 4 he doesnt know his father. no judge would tell me that that s the right thing for him. for him to go out of state with him for 2 weeks at age 4 when he doesnt know him. ive checked into it already. and if i think its not whats best for my son. thats thats whats NOT BEST for him. and no he wont compromise ive already asked. and YES it does affect how he talks to me because i dont want my son to act that way towards me because he sees his dead beat father doing it.

Dove. thank you for your input and no there is no court order visitation. ive already asked him what if he comes here to see him and he wont do it when he has time off those weeks and he wont do it. so that right there tells me that he doesnt wanna work at the relationship. he just wants to make it easier on HIM and not my son

Jodi - posted on 12/22/2012

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So you have a court order saying he has no right to visitation? That's why I said that's what the courts are for. To make those decisions. If the courts have said you have all the rights, and he has none, then that's different, but you didn't mention anything about court orders or visitation orders in your OP.

And just for the record, how he treats you has no bearing on whether he should spend time with his son.

I can see why you might be hesitant about a full 3 weeks, will he compromise and maybe split it into 2 lots of 10 days or something like that?

Amanda - posted on 12/22/2012

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thank you everyone for the advice.

JODI :: actually i do have all the rights... i have sole full physical custody.

and yes i do let my sons father see him as much as he wants. but the thing is he doesnt ask a lot. and when he does its always for long periods of times. hes one of those people who i cant sit down and talk to. its either his way or im beeing a b* and thats when he starts to get really really really disrespectful. i mean its horrible some of the things he says about me and to me. but thank you for the advice

Danielle Kimberly - posted on 12/22/2012

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I understand that you are very attached to your son and that the father has not been around much (thats what I understand from your story), but he is the father. He does have some right to see his son too. You say he is disrespectful, but has he ever done anything criminal or dangerous?? Maybe you can negotiate with the father, he can have your son for 3 weeks during the summer but not 3 consecutive weeks. I really think you should let your son go either way. You should encourage your son to have a relationship with his father and once he is of legal age, he can decide whether or not he wants to see him.. Unless the father is a danger to your son, you should let him go.

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