ISOLATED Finding it hard to make new friends SEEKING SUGGESTIONS

[deleted account] ( 9 moms have responded )

Hi girls



I just read the "Does anyone else feel like they've lost friends?" convo and can totally relate. I was hoping for some suggestions on how to make new friends from other mums out there who've successfully found and made new friends since having children.



I'm living in the Far North Coast NSW (Ocean Shores) and am originally from the Central Coast NSW. All of my friends (some with kids some without) are like a 9 hour drive from me and any of the new friends I made up here just "disappeared" when I got pregnant.



My son and I are feeling super isolated and are so keen to get out and socialise. We resort to the park most days. But I just end up envying all the other mum's happily chatting over their t/a coffees.



We have tried the playgroups around here but one has "a puncher and a kicker" and the mum's in the other group are very "clickly" so I seem to come away feeling even more isolated :(



I'm also finding that the few mums I've come across, say their keen to catch up but never follow through when I try to organise somethin. Do I have "REJECT" written across my forehead or somethin (lol)



All suggestions welcome and much appreciated x

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[deleted account]

Hi Ashley.

Your post was very encouraging. I do understand what you mean, these things take time and I guess you just have to keep working at it and not take things so personally. Which is a lil easy to do when you're so run down, but not too useful in the bigger scheme of things.

You've definately given me the inspiration to keep trying.

Thanks heaps. Amz x

Ashley - posted on 09/20/2009

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After I had my first child I felt isolated. Eventually I was tired of it and decided to just invite people to everything I did. I got a book for my area of things to do with kids. Then I just emailed all the moms I knew and started inviting. At first turn outs weren't great. Then as our friendship built everyone started coming out. We ended up having mom nights out, etc. It took a lot of rejection at first, but I had to look at it like... everyone has a life and things come up. I don't care if everyone goes I just care that I get out of the house and my sainity somewhat there. Also not everyone is comfortable with a new person so it takes them awhile. I dropped some people off my list since they never came, but once I found those that were up to doing things it was great. We ended up having moms nights out.

A lot of the moms I met were through church. I am now in a new area and back again to not knowing anyone. I plan to try the play groups, and dance class for my daughter. There will always be a kicker and hitter, but I am willing to have my daughter learn from these experiences, since my little one is not perfect either.

Dale - posted on 09/20/2009

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Yeah we are kinda close to everything and i don't mind walking, keeps me fit, it takes about 25 mins to slowly walk to the main shops. We found a place, did have a bit of trouble with real estates, a lot of stuff arounds when they were processing applications, but, we move in in 2 weeks so thats good.
i hope you have fun on the central coast

[deleted account]

Cool. I know wot you mean about the dogs. My brother has 2 cats that live inside and I hate visiting their place with Cobz, they are all over everythin, and very aggressive!

That would suck not having a car, somedays I can't stand being at home. Sounds like you must be close to town tho, so that probly makes a huge difference. There's not much in walking distance to us, except a local park that has some really annoying "swamp hens". (lol) They get pretty angry if anyone shows up, tho their doesn't seem to be as many there lately.

We're going on holiday for 10 days to the Central Coast. So I get to catch up with all my old friends from school. Most of them have kids too so it should be a lot fun.

Well, good luck finding a rental, i've heard its pretty hard their pretty hard to find these days, or maybe thats just in Byron?!

Amz xx

Dale - posted on 09/16/2009

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we usually get out at least every second day at the moment, even if it is just on a walk up the street. For the last couple of weeks we've been looking for a different place to rent, where we are now we live with another couple who own 2 dogs and their dogs are like their children so the dogs have to live inside (the dogs were here before we were so there isn't much we can do about it) which means there is dog hair all over the floor so i'm kept busy sweeping the floor whenever i want to put Sarahs play mat down for her to have tummy time. Thankfully we found a place and get to move in just over 2 weeks. Sarah isn't a big fan of being in the pram and i don't have a license so whenever we have a big day out and about we usually have a quiet one the next day where we spend the day playing together and reading stories etc. Her daddy works at the RSL here and so some days we go down there to have lunch with him on his lunch break or to meet him for dinner after he's finished.

[deleted account]

hi dale



nice to meet you. my son Coby will be one in october. i know wot you mean about waiting. i tried a few groups when coby was around your daughters age and found that he was a little young. he is very eager now tho to follow the other kids around and start interacting with people in general.



its also hard to give people your full attention when they are so young, you could be half way through a great convo and then your baby wakes up or wants to play with you or wants to walk over there. and the person you were talkin to seems to just fade into the background. by the time your ready to pick up the conversation again the moment has passed.



so wot do you guys get up to most days?



Coby and i try to get out atleast once a day, usually for a few hours to the park, library or into byron to visit his dad for a coffee (his a chef at Mokha). i get a bit stuck somedays on wot to do or where to go, Cobz is so eager to get out and about, home just doesn't quite cut it anymore (for either of us).



thanks for the encouragement. would love to keep chatting if that suits you.



Amz x

Dale - posted on 09/15/2009

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hi amy, i kinda know what you mean about feeling isolated, i live in ballina (small world i know) and i've only been living here for just over a year and all my friends here are childless and work and don't really have time to socialize in a baby friendly environment... i haven't tried the playgroups around here yet, i had been looking for a mothers group only to find out there isn't one in thew area, i wasn't going to take my baby girl (who is 3 months old) until she was a bit older.... i highly doubt you have "reject" written on your forehead, these other mothers probably all grew up together and have probably had these same "clicks" since school so don't stress about it too much.... i don't have any advice because i'm mostly in the same boat as you, but i'm guessing your kid is a little older than mine, and was wondering how to improve my social life with my baby at the same time as getting her used to interacting with other babies....

Dale - posted on 09/15/2009

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hi amy, i kinda know what you mean about feeling isolated, i live in ballina (small world i know) and i've only been living here for just over a year and all my friends here are childless and work and don't really have time to socialize in a baby friendly environment... i haven't tried the playgroups around here yet, i had been looking for a mothers group only to find out there isn't one in thew area, i wasn't going to take my baby girl (who is 3 months old) until she was a bit older.... i highly doubt you have "reject" written on your forehead, these other mothers probably all grew up together and have probably had these same "clicks" since school so don't stress about it too much.... i don't have any advice because i'm mostly in the same boat as you, but i'm guessing your kid is a little older than mine, and was wondering how to improve my social life with my baby at the same time as getting her used to interacting with other babies....

Dale - posted on 09/15/2009

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hi amy, i kinda know what you mean about feeling isolated, i live in ballina (small world i know) and i've only been living here for just over a year and all my friends here are childless and work and don't really have time to socialize in a baby friendly environment... i haven't tried the playgroups around here yet, i had been looking for a mothers group only to find out there isn't one in thew area, i wasn't going to take my baby girl (who is 3 months old) until she was a bit older.... i highly doubt you have "reject" written on your forehead, these other mothers probably all grew up together and have probably had these same "clicks" since school so don't stress about it too much.... i don't have any advice because i'm mostly in the same boat as you, but i'm guessing your kid is a little older than mine, and was wondering how to improve my social life with my baby at the same time as getting her used to interacting with other babies....

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