Issues with giving child father's last name!

Natalie - posted on 06/14/2009 ( 29 moms have responded )

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I have raised my son on my own and he is going on four now! So I have no idea how it is to have the father in the child's life! Well I ended up pregnant for a guy that I wasnt with but was getting to know should I say! (They tell you to wrap it up and then it breaks!) Well together we made the choice that I wasnt going to keep the child if I did fall pregnant! But I couldnt do it! I dont believe in abortion! He wants to be a part of this child life and I have no problem with that cause we do remain friends! But he wants me to give my child his last name! So he can feel like the child has a part of him! Seeing how it is his first child! I dont know the legal issues on that and wonder if anyone has experience with it! I really need to know all the pros and cons! I have my worrries cause we are not together so I dont want it to back fire on me later on!

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Morgan - posted on 06/14/2009

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Don't feel bad because your child does not have the father's last name, I feel like if he wanted the child to feel like he was a part of him he would've been there from the beginning. My 1st child still carries my maiden name because before I got married I didn't see the need for the her to have her father's last name (even though he was involved), but once I got married he slacked off (ALOT) so it's like he thinks he's been replaced even though we had a conversation that he wasn't because he was there 1st for her. But I haven't regretted not giving her his last name b/c I see it as a reminder to her and myself who has been there since day 1 and beyond. Also his parents (her paternal grandparents) have never had much to do with her so with her having my last name it also gives her a sense of who her family is. I know it sounds evil, but that's how it is and how I feel.

Nichole - posted on 06/16/2009

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Quoting Natalie:

Maybe I didnt explain myself right! He is the father of the one that I am pregnant with at the moment not my son! I am having a girl and he wants to be part of his daughter's life! But even hyphonating the names I am considering! But I heard that if the child has the father's last name, that when it comes to me wanting to cross the border or something that I have to have his written permission and stuff like that! If I hyphonate the name than he wants the main last name to be his! Thats why I am trying to find out all the pros and cons of doing that!


Dont hold me to this but I think because he is the father and is going to be involoved it doesnt matter whos last name he has if you want to do anything with him like moving or crossing the border you would still need to get written permission. I have a girlfriend who just moved out of state and need the father of her son to ok it with the courts. I dont think the name would matter in that case.

Jamie - posted on 06/14/2009

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Does it really matter which name is first when its hyponated? To me honest I couldnt tell you how mine is for my daughter because I never use her dads last name. And hes never bothered to add his name to her birth certificate and thats just fine with me. He doesnt even have a copy of it or her SS card. If your worred about things just get it in your last name. Like I said I did this until I got married and only hypinated it because thats the only way I could get it past the judge. Without consent its harder to change it later.

Kelly - posted on 06/14/2009

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legally you can give the child any name that you want to....it actually doesn't have to be yours or his....but personally i would just give the child your last name, assuming that your first son has your last name than you would all have the same last name and the kids wouldn't ask questions when they get older......thats what i would do, but only you know whats best for your family......good luck

29 Comments

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Jackie - posted on 06/16/2009

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Quoting Natalie:



Quoting Rebekah:

i think if he is willing to step up and be a dad give him that chance if he is on the birth certifcat then leagly he is the father so no matter whos name the baby has he will still have father rights a name is just a name everything may go sour but even if the baby has your name if he wants coustody then he will get it because he is the father. i strongly belive that fathers have just as much right as mother and i get really angrey when people dont include the father the baby is half them as well






I do believe that a father has just as much rights as a mother! My only issue is cause we are not together it scares me a little bit with custody issues later on if we get into a fight or something!






I wouldnt worry about that, the child last name will have nothing to do with a judge deciding in a custody battle.  Its all based on what is best for the child, where they are most familliar. The parents ability to provide a safe and stable home and sometimes income. Whoever thats what child support is for, if say the mother makes less then the father and she is rewared custody he will have to pay child support. A certain percentage of his pay , this is to benefit the child in the sense that they dont loose out on the life they had when their parents were together. If the mother makes more then the father and the mother custody he will not have to pay. Vise versa if the father has custody. Again there are many types of custody arrangements. If you are worried tho, if you are both on great terms maybe you should go and get a custody agreement signed up just so if something does happen its already taken care.

Jackie - posted on 06/16/2009

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In my case i gave my kids their fathers last name. However a friend of mine hyphened the last name with his first then hers. That way when the child is older he may chose to drop your last name or keep the full length. so ex: Matthew Stevens-Beaudry, Stevens being the fathers last name Beaudry the mothers.

I hope that helps. The name has no real legal problem issues, if he signs the birthcertificate then he has all his parental rights. If he does not then he has no claim to the child unless he later seeks it and a paternity test is done to validate the paternal status and then thats really up to you two and if so be it lawyers and etc.. I hope that helps with the last name issue.

Tiffany - posted on 06/15/2009

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I have 2 daughters and both of them have my last name. The only thing he has to do is sign the birth certificate or have a paternity test done. The name doesn't matter. I will not give either of my daughters his name because we are not married. My daughters live with me and I feel very strong about US being a family. We will have each other until the end of time, not to say that they don't have him but it's more us than him (if that makes sense).

Dawn - posted on 06/15/2009

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i dont see the big deal with giving the child their fathers last name. What would happen if the father die's will the child get the benefit.if you and the baby father have a good relationship i would go for it. I am not married and all my kids have their fathers last name. i did it like that so if anything happen to me that they will go to with their father. good luck!

Natalie - posted on 06/15/2009

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Quoting Rebekah:

i think if he is willing to step up and be a dad give him that chance if he is on the birth certifcat then leagly he is the father so no matter whos name the baby has he will still have father rights a name is just a name everything may go sour but even if the baby has your name if he wants coustody then he will get it because he is the father. i strongly belive that fathers have just as much right as mother and i get really angrey when people dont include the father the baby is half them as well



I do believe that a father has just as much rights as a mother! My only issue is cause we are not together it scares me a little bit with custody issues later on if we get into a fight or something!

Natalie - posted on 06/15/2009

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Quoting Kimi:

Your talking of course about your unborn baby right?
My brother fathered a child at a very young age and his ex gave the baby his last name because she liked his last name better than hers anyway. Dose his last name sound ok? Maybe make a deal.... if it's a girl she can have his last name.... If it's a boy he gets your last name. Girls don't keep their last names forever like boys do so it wouldn't be a huge sacrifice. Is this really worth lossing a frendship over? What if he ends up being a great dad?



Well that is the thing I have no doubt in my mind that he will be a great father to my daughter! But I am just scared of things like if we get into a fight and he tries to take custody or something then he has a better chance at winning if she has his last name! I really dont want to ruin our friendship over something like a last name!

Megan - posted on 06/15/2009

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if you are that uncomfortable about it, you should just hyphenate his last name with yours, that way the child will have both last names. as for legal issues, there are none, you are allowed to name your child whatever you want. i have a 7 year old daughter who has my last name from a guy whom i am no longer with....and i decided that if i get married to anyone else as the time comes that i would hyphenate my last name so our last names are the still the same. same as any other children that i might have. i hope this helps

Rebekah - posted on 06/15/2009

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i think if he is willing to step up and be a dad give him that chance if he is on the birth certifcat then leagly he is the father so no matter whos name the baby has he will still have father rights a name is just a name everything may go sour but even if the baby has your name if he wants coustody then he will get it because he is the father. i strongly belive that fathers have just as much right as mother and i get really angrey when people dont include the father the baby is half them as well

Kimi - posted on 06/14/2009

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Quoting Juliet:

If you do decide to give the child his last name, the father will have rights to the child and may possibly has to pay child support (not sure though).


If the baby has your last name it will not affect his parental rights at all and he will still need to pay child support if you have the child the majority of the time.  Surely you will have him sign the birth certificate regaurdless.

Kimi - posted on 06/14/2009

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Your talking of course about your unborn baby right?

My brother fathered a child at a very young age and his ex gave the baby his last name because she liked his last name better than hers anyway. Dose his last name sound ok? Maybe make a deal.... if it's a girl she can have his last name.... If it's a boy he gets your last name. Girls don't keep their last names forever like boys do so it wouldn't be a huge sacrifice. Is this really worth lossing a frendship over? What if he ends up being a great dad?

Traci - posted on 06/14/2009

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It's simple...if the father wants the child to have the last name, then he should marry you, otherwise he should have no right to name the baby.

Juliet - posted on 06/14/2009

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Legally, you don't have to give the child his last name simply because you guys aren't married. It's the mother's choice to decide what last name the child gets. If you do decide to give the child his last name, the father will have rights to the child and may possibly has to pay child support (not sure though).

Reshanda - posted on 06/14/2009

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well i think it is ok but my mom told me that going to the court house and getting custudy is the best thing to do when you have a child you have more rights but you should do that or ask how it work. and if you dont you might feel bad later if you do you can always pay to change it.. i have 5 kids and 1have both our last name crazy i know but he is 6 and he tell's, write and love his name

Simone - posted on 06/14/2009

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my son now 7 has his fathers last name he left me when our son was 2 months old and he doesnt see him at all and i wish i gave him my last name cos theres no way he will let me change it. now married and we enrol my son under my married name as long as they know his real name.

Nichole - posted on 06/14/2009

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OK the same EXACT thing happened to me well I was very very decided that he would have my last name well when insurance and stuff started going through he put his last name as Logan's last name well...... Logan did not have his last name he had mine sooo the argument began and then his mom was like with hyphenate the name and I was like no because then what if he has a daughter then she will have like five million names so then I talked to my dad Logan got my dad's name as a middle name and I wanted him to have his last name also to carry on our name.... then my dad says well what happens when you get married then Logan will have noones last name so after thinking about it I finally decided to give him his last name.,,, but with him being over a year old I believe you have to go to court and have the judge approve of you changing his last name... another thing you can do that my boss did and I am thinking about doing is making his last name as your middle name so that people don't question you as much!!!

Christa - posted on 06/14/2009

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It doesn't matter what name you give your child. He will have a legal claim on the child no matter what, it is his. If you want to set things a certain way you better get it in writing and make it legal.

Jill - posted on 06/14/2009

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When I got pregnant with my oldest I was only 17. I gave my son my last name, and the father refused to sign the birth certificate because he said "how do I know the baby's really mine if you won't give him my last name?" My thought on that was, I've carried this baby for 9 months, I gave birth to him, and if something as simple as that is going to make you not legally claim him, then you probably would've walked out on us anyway (which he did, by the way!). It's up to you, whatever you feel most comfortable with.

Tiffany - posted on 06/14/2009

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My son has his dad's last name and we didn't get married, were not even together. His dad is active in his life but doesn't make any important decisions. I haven't had any problems with our last names being different. He will be starting kindergarten and there were no issues with our last names being different. I have a friend that has 3 kids with the same guy and they aren't married or together. The middle child has the dad's last name (the dad rarely sees the kids). She hates that one of her kids has his last name and she's dreading the day that she'll have to explain why the last name is different for one in the family. Also, this guy say's he'll be there but you never know. Besides your daughter can have your last name and he can sign the birth certificate. That way your family has the same last name and if he leaves, there won't be any explaining to your daughter. Another thing to consider, is he's on the birth certificate he is entitled to certain rights just like you will have certain rights. It all boils down to what you want for you and your family. What you feel is best is the way to go.

Natalie - posted on 06/14/2009

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The fact that he says that he wants to be a part of her life now and whether or not he is going to be there later on, doesnt bother me! I feel bad cause in a way I feel like I forced him into having a child in a way! I told him that I was gonna get rid of it and never told him that I kept it! It was the fact that his cousin seen me and must've went back and told him that I was still pregnant! If he didnt call me or make the effort to talk to me, I probably would pf never told him that I kept the baby! He has so much going for him at the moment and I didnt want to be the one to interfere in all of that! He is on me about being in my daughters life when he really didnt have to care or call me! I guess it is kinda just my own guilty conscience getting to me, why I am even considering even putting his last name! I just dont want anyone to have any kinda rights to my daughter when worst comes to worst! Well I appreciate all the feedback ladies thanks alot!

Jennifer - posted on 06/14/2009

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You know he says he wants to be a part now but that doesn't mean he will stick around. in the end she is your daughter and you have every right to give her only your last name.

Francesca - posted on 06/14/2009

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oh right!!! i have 2 stepsons and when ever their mum takes them out of the country she never ask for permission.not like we would stop her but it would be nice to be asked. they have my husbands name although she keeps hyphonating it which my husband has not given permission to and has told her not to add her husbands name.

its a hard one, but if you do add his name make sure yours is the main surname.

Natalie - posted on 06/14/2009

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Maybe I didnt explain myself right! He is the father of the one that I am pregnant with at the moment not my son! I am having a girl and he wants to be part of his daughter's life! But even hyphonating the names I am considering! But I heard that if the child has the father's last name, that when it comes to me wanting to cross the border or something that I have to have his written permission and stuff like that! If I hyphonate the name than he wants the main last name to be his! Thats why I am trying to find out all the pros and cons of doing that!

Francesca - posted on 06/14/2009

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what name is on the birth certificate?has he been there and been apart of his sons life? if he's been there from day one and has contact put it to him about having both your names. why does a father not have as much right as the mother?

Devon - posted on 06/14/2009

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there is no law stating that you have to give the child his last name. if he wants to feel like he has a part in this child's life, then he can always sign the birth certificate and come and visit his child. my children's father and i were never married and i wasn't about to give them his last name even though he wanted them to have his. i gave them my last name because we weren't married and i was the one that pushed them both out of me. my opinion is if your not married then the child should have the mother's last name. i would do what you think is best for you and the baby. if you decide to give your baby your last name, let him know that he can always sign the birth certificate instead. good luck :)

Jamie - posted on 06/14/2009

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You dont have to give him the dads last name. My husband and i werent married when we had our son and I gave our son my last name. Once we got married we changed it. I think its silly to give a child a dads last name if you arent married. Right now the father says hes going to be there but you cant guarnatee it. Only other thing I can suggest is hyponatine the name like smith-jones. My daughters is that way because thats the only way I could change her last name to my husbands want to hyphonite his last name in there. I just dont every write his part down only mine.,

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