Just wanted to share this

Allison - posted on 08/01/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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I had an experience last night that I felt I really wanted to share with other mothers. My 1 year old has been waking up like he's 2 weeks old again. Every 2 to 2 1/2 hours. ITS MADDENING!! But....last night when he woke up at 11:45, when he had just gone down at 10, I went into his room and picked him up. I got his blanket and turned on the radio very softly. I wrapped him up and sat down in the rocking chair. I was feeling really frustrated. I was tired and just wanted to go to sleep. My husband was dealing with our 3 year old who is also REFUSING bedtime right outside the door. I sat there thinking, "Dammit. I cant do this AGAIN tonight!! I have just got to get some sleep. I wish he would hurry up and fall asleep so I can put him down and go lay down myself!!!"
I had been sitting there for about 10 min. It felt like a freakin eternity. I listened to my Husband put Kinsley to bed and tell her goodnight, let the dogs out and then back in and go lay down himself. It had gotten very quite except for the oldies station softly playing "It too late baby" on the radio. Caleb was asleep and I was thinking "Yes!!". I was just about to put him down when I started thinking.
I looked down at this sweet boy sleeping in my arms and thought "How many mothers out there are sitting awake crying at the devestaing loss of their baby? How many mothers are lying awake wishing they could hold their baby just one more time. How many parents are sitting in hospital rooms praying for there babies, no older than Caleb, to get well and dying themselves beacause they cant help them? How many women are racked with guilt and worry because they have been told they were not able to have any children? How can I be so selfish and self centered to not cherish EVERY moment I get to sit here and hold my son. Every single time I get to tell my 3 year old to go BACK to bed. Everytime I have to get up at 5 am beacause children have no concept of sleep deprivation."
At this point "Caught between the moon and New York city" is playing on the radio and I have worked myself up into a fit. Tears rolling down my cheeks I silentley apologize to the tiny man laying in my arms and end up sitting there in the dark rocking him and listening to the radio until almost 2 am. Sure Im a little tired today and maybe a little cranky, but most of all Im grateful for the opportunity to be so tired and cranky. So many other mothers dont have that luxury.
I just want us all to stop and remeber how LUCKY we all are to have happy, healthy babies that we get to hold and love and even disipline and get angry with. We should NEVER forget how fortunate we are. My heart goes out to every single mom who has lost there baby. I cant even imagine the kind of pain that brings. My thoughts are with you.
Thats about it. Thanks to who all read this and have ever felt the same way!!
~Allison~

15 Comments

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Allison - posted on 08/03/2009

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Thanks to everyone for all the sweet comments! Im glad to know that other mom's share the same experiences!

Laura P: My husband also works 3rd shift right now and my little ones (especially my 1 year old) often end up in the bed with me! =)

Laura - posted on 08/03/2009

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Aww, what you wrote brought tears to my eyes! I too, am so incredibly in love with my 4 beautiful children. I try to cherish every single moment that you can with them! My husband works 3rd shift, so I often let my kids sleep in my bed with me( more for my comfort than theirs). So many nights, before I fall asleep.. I just look at them and think how lucky I am to have the 4 most beautiful, happy,wonderful kids in the world, cuddling up to me in my bed. Thank you for sharing your story!

Amanda - posted on 08/03/2009

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Thank you so much for that. How true it is. I have a fifteen month old and am 32 weeks along. This was beautiful. I can't thank you enough for sharing that. We all get frustrated at times and there are times when it is hard to remind ourselves how fast these moments really go. I try every day to treasure what God has given me. I grew up thinking my mom hated me and I vowed never to make my kids feel that way. As hard as it is at times, they didn't ask to be here and they shouldn't be treated like an obligation. It is moments like these that bring you back to where you need to be to make them feel loved every single day no matter how you feel. You are awesome.

Jess - posted on 08/02/2009

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What you wrote is beautiful. I am due in a bit over a week and I was wondering how I am gonna cope with a newborn as it's my first. After reading this i think that i will be fine. You always need to think about others and realise that there are many people in worst situations such as yourself so thank you for sharing.

[deleted account]

I've had moments like that too. I'm impressed you took the time to put it in words. My Son is now running and more cunning than ever and it's hard to remember he's only going to be a little guy once.

Thank you for sharing this, it's making me tear up tonight a bit too.

Amy - posted on 08/01/2009

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I've had that "WOW" epiphany as well (well, a similar one) it's always so warming to hear of other moms moments. It's sometimes easy to forget the awe of it all when all the stress and sleep deprivation get a hold of you.

Jen - posted on 08/01/2009

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Very nice story. How amazing it is when we have those moments that we stop to think of other instead of ourselves and our own families. I look at my own daughter every day and thank God for my little blessing. My brother passed away 2 years ago, a week before we found out we were pregnant, and I sometimes try to put myself in my mom's footsteps. What would I do if anything ever happened to my Savannah or any of my future kids? It's scary to think about, but we don't know what the future brings. For all those mother's out there who have lost a child, you are in my prayers.

LISA - posted on 08/01/2009

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WOW,I CANT IMAGINE EITHER. BUT I HAS MINE AT 17 AND EVEN BEFORE I GOT PREGNANT I KNEW THAT WAS PART OF THE PACKEGE SO WHY GET MAD AT SOMETHING U DID. EVERY THING THAT HAPPENDS W/ KIDS HAS HAPPEND FOR YEARS AND YEARS !!! SO WHY SO NEW MOMS FEEL TIRED ... EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT JSUT LIKE UR DAYS AND NIGHT EVEN WHN U DIDNT HAVE ANY KIDS.

Ashley - posted on 08/01/2009

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i happened to be one of those mothers that had a child in the hospital for 2 months when he was 2 wks old. i used to think to myself this isnt fair. why me? what did i ever do wrong to deserve this? the first 48 hrs were crucial, we werent sure if he was goin to make it. my sister has two healthy boys and my brother has a healthy boy and the whole time he was there i wished for a healthy boy. we were lucky he pulled threw and was never so happy to hear we were finally going home! he is 14 months and still gets up once a night. i hear him crying and know that he needs me so i go get him and he goes right back to sleep. some of those nights i think why are u doing this but theni think back to that time where we werent sure if he was going to live and i cant get angry at him. i have a 4 wk old and yes i'm exhausted but when he wakes up for his feedings every 3-4 hrs i cherish those moments because i didnt get to with my first son. you are def right we all should remember how lucky we are and never forget how fortunate we are to have healthy children and having a child that was so sick has really made me open my eyes to it all!! thanks for sharing that i think sometimes we need to be reminded of it! :)

Tatham - posted on 08/01/2009

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i have those moments as well..jacob is in the teething stage so he is not sleeping that well..and i have the "why won't you just sleep,so that i can" thoughts. but the other night he woke up at 4:45am and i nursed him and he dozed off with the sweetest smile on his face and i laid him down next to his father while i went to the bathroom and when i got back into bed to change his diaper he must of sensed me because he opened his eyes and got the biggest smile on his face and i couldn't help but pick him up and just give him lots of kisses and just cuddle him and think about how blessed i am that i have a wonderful happy and healthy baby ( even if he wakes me up during the night).

Tori - posted on 08/01/2009

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thank you!! i feel that way too! sometimes i just sit there and think what a horrible feeling that has got to be! i couldn't even imagine that ache and pain!!! i love my daughter with all my heart she is my everything and world i dont know what i would do without her. so thank you for me think about how lucky i am!!! how lucky we all are!!

Kylie - posted on 08/01/2009

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I'm so thankful for all the hours of night time parenting i did with my daughter...shes 4 and a half now and i look back at those precious baby years and feel they passed by far too quickly. now shes riding a bike, going to kindy, fixing her own breakfast which is lovely but i do get teary when i see her baby photos and movies knowing she will never be that tiny or need me much as she did back then.
thanks for sharing Ali

Charlie - posted on 08/01/2009

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Thank you for sharing that Allison , i am sure many moothers have felt the same way at times i know i have ! and i often catch myself out and see what a beautiful son i have and all the little things that get to us disapear .

Claire - posted on 08/01/2009

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i love my son to death inthe day he is the greatest but at night i hated him with a vemen he didnt sleep though the night untill six months old six months of getting up three times a night treading the boards for an hour it killed me then 8am came and he would smile at me and all would be forgiven i know i am amazeing lucky to have him and wouldnt change him for the world just let me sleep and all is goodx

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