Keep or not to Keep ?

Chantelle - posted on 10/11/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )




I have 2 boys 7 and 10 my partner works 12 hours 5 days a week night shift 7pm-7am he always wants sex but im hardly EVER in the mood ! i also work but when i go to work he is just getting home we hardly have time for eachother and on his first day off which is my day off he just wants to sleep and is unmotivated! i have to pay his bills (with his money of coarse ) or they just won't get paid or he will just spend his money thats left over on SHIT ! he gives me money for shopping and helps ALOT with OUR BILLS ! I feel he does not help me enough around the house and just sleeps !i find it hard because when i get home from work he is still sleeping and nothing has been done even though i have asked him to hang out the clothes or do the kitchen before he goes to sleep but when i get home he is in the same spot where i left him on the couch sleeping ! HE DOES HELP ALOT WITH THE KIDS EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE NOT HIS BIOLOGICAL KIDS, AND BUYS THINGS THAT I WANT but complains that he never gets what he wants which is usually SEX or a blow job(which is ususally what i use to get what i want he he he!) I feel that my job never ends between work and the kids (including him) and the house work that never ends, when he cleans up its like he's done nothing at all ! and he gets shitty if he cant get sex before work so i make him wait a week because im not in the mood ! AM I BEING UNGREATFULL OR SHOULD I JUST KICK HIM TO THE KURB !


View replies by

Ashley - posted on 10/12/2009




no one can really tell you what to do in this situation. i also feel that my man doesn't help enough around the house or work enough but he is great w/ our daughter so i feel like i shouldn't really complain. it's all on how much YOU can deal with and what is too much (or too little) in your eyes..but i think all men are like that about sex! it's so frustrating!

Lindsay - posted on 10/11/2009




Honestly I think it boils down to what you want. To me it doesn't seem like he's done anything terribly wrong but I'm not in that situation. Sex is part of a healthy relationship and I don't see anything worng with asking for it. He's working, paying the bills, and helping out with kids that aren't his. If you're just not happy with him, part ways. But if you do care about him and want it to work, try talking to him and being more intimate with him whenever you get a chance.

Lauren - posted on 10/11/2009




I have a lot of the same problems you do but with my husband. I have wanted to "kick him to the curb" many times. Yet, we have moments where the love is just as strong.

Do you love him? I know it's tough, but you must NOT keep him solely because he helps you pay the bills.

I have come to realize that "men" are never fully grown-up. They need to be told what to do, just like children. But, it's how we do that, that makes a difference...

Try writing down a "honey-do" list for him. Don't exceed 5 tasks per week. It's hard to get them to do anything...but, some men work well when they actually see what you expect from them. And, it's sad, but you must acknowledge when he does do something. I joke with my husband that he earned his sticker--yes, just like a child. But, I have come to learn, that my husband needs that encouragement.

Now, about the sex issue...

I can totally relate with hardly being in the mood. Men don't get it. Is the sex good between you two? When my husband and I actually get around to doing it, it's great-- and I make sure to remind him of that. I always tell him it's not about the quantity but the quality. Now, that does not stop his horniness...but, it does help ease the tension. Plus, once my husband realized sexual activity can't take place in front of our kids(because they notice and mimic), he kinda stops nagging for it. Plus, I have to remind my husband to not ask me for it, when he can clearly see we can't do it(because kids are around or awake).

Trust me, I know it's difficult to live with someone who's tired from work and very horny... it's a constant struggle.

*But, if you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, just communicate as much as possible.

*Try not to use sex as a punishment.

*Be spontaneous. If you want to do it at 3 in the morning, turn him on and get at it. Men don't care when they get it. Try to acknowledge, once it's over, how good it was and that he just needs to be patient and look forward to the next time it comes along.

*And maybe get him to realize, you may actually be turned on more if he helped out more, with the daily chores. You could possibly reward him sexually(every so often). Definitely express to him how happy/relieved/etc you are when he does do something.

Also, don't be too picky...he does something, be grateful. If you complain, he make give up helping.

Relationships are not easy-- no one really talks about that when you're dreaming of "Mr. Right"..... but, good luck!

[deleted account]

To me, anytime a man or woman has children any person getting involved with them needs to be involved with their kids as well. Going in to the relationship they know their are children involved and to continue with the relationship they are agreeing to be involved with the kids at that time. The bills of his you pay, will they have an impact on you directly if you do not pay them? His bills are something he needs to learn to be responsible for. It is okay to help him out, but he should also be making sure they are paid. Truthfully, you just need to sit down and talk to him. You need to find out how he feels, tell him how you feel and figure out if the relationship should continue.

[deleted account]

you dont need another child to take care of, you have your own two wonderful children.. if you're not at all really connected with him i say kick him, but if he's not aware of how you feel like this and you want to be w him, then you need to let hiim know crystal clear, and figure out if he really wants to be with you too

Heather - posted on 10/11/2009




what do you want? are you in love with him? is this something that you want to work on? maybe try a time out and see how that feels. i don't have much advice for you but i sympathize with your situation...

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms