kind of personal!!!

Samantha - posted on 06/02/2009 ( 23 moms have responded )

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hey everyone I have a private question and none of my girlfriends know what I am talking about since they are ok........... so here it is. After I had my first child who is now 3 I lost my sex drive(libido) I went back to my Ob Gyn doctor and she cant figure out why.. Its so frustrating the fact that I dont get horny or ever want to have sex cause I now think its a waste of time, I just do it to please my husband, dont wanna make him mad..lol.. So when I got pregnant with my second child someone told me that it might come back but nope it didnt he is now 3 mths old and still nothing. I have read that my thyroid disease could play a role in it but I am to the point where I feel less of a women cause I dont have the feeling or urge to jump my husbands bones;-) ... I have tried a number of things and nothing works, my doc. also said I can go talk to a therapist, but damn I know whats wrong with my I am broken I dont have a sex drive" duh!! So I was just wondering if anyone out there has had or is going through the same thing as me..... p.s. I also had 2 c-sections which sometimes I wonder if that has something to do with that. thanks:)

23 Comments

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Sarah - posted on 06/04/2009

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Hi Samantha! I think the most common thing is that you are not alone. Being a mom can take so much out of you; most of us want to be Wonderwoman! I think if you really think there is a problem, maybe taking more time out for yourself and doing things that are more sensual, like taking a hot bath with candles and soft music. I think also having the support and help from your husband will greatly help. I know that when my husband takes the reigns on the kids and putting them in bed, I can spend some time alone to regain my "sex brain". :D If you have a poor self-image, try working out and doing some cardio. They say it helps stress, helps you feel better, and maybe losing weight and getting toned will help you feel better about yourself. Have you talked to your husband out it? Maybe he can help you and be supportive in how you feel. If anything, to make a connection with him and not lose sight of each other. I am only 25 weeks along with our third, and sometimes I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of having sex, but the next day Im initiating. Its still frustrating. Even with the basketball tummy. I have to admit, this is the lowest my drive has ever been with him. I physically can't do the things we did before cuz my stomach is getting in the way. :P



Also, when you talk to your husband, maybe you guys can come up with more creative ways to do the deed. I know that most women need to get mentally prepared and it may take them, for instance, a whole day to get in the mood when your hubby might only take a few minutes. LOL! If all else fails, see a different OB/GYN to get a second opinion. I know that some women just lose their libido and there may be a hormonal imbalance, or something medical that isn't their fault at all. Or, like the others are suggesting, see a therapist and maybe talk out some stress and tension in a safe environment. She may be able to suggest your next step in getting your drive back.



Good luck with everything!!

LaCi - posted on 06/04/2009

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you know, you're young and you have 2 kids to take care of. You might just be tired, stressed, anything along those lines. I wasnt terribly interested when I had my son. Poor body image, stress, sleepless nights. But what I figured out about me is that the less I have sex, the less I want it. The more I have it, the more I want, so I just have it every given opportunity. and it works for me.

Mikey - posted on 06/04/2009

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Could be hormone, they do had medication to help with sex drive. It culd very well be your tyroid disorder as well.As far a s a theripist what are they really gonna do . unless your are depressed or stressed out.

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Thanks for asking this guestions i have 2 kids now and one due in 18days and I havent wanted to have sex since the last one was born 16months ago I dont know y people say its cus im prego now but that doesnt tell me y i never wanted to b4 i got prego i allso have tyroid probs. and i thought that had to do with y i didnt want to but the doc says it doesnt... thanks for asking i hope we both get some answers and everyone else allso who is wondering y!!

User - posted on 06/02/2009

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I have had 2 c-sections and will be having another in 21 days and 8 hours. My sex drive came right back after I had my sections. I think you should talk to the thearapist, you know what the problems is but dont know why or what caused it to happen. Good Luck and I will be praying for you

Suzanne - posted on 06/02/2009

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Hi, great question! I've only had one child and not by c-section, but lost my desire as well. I went through hormone testing and even talked to a therapist and still I have no sex drive. My end result was my obgyn telling me that "some women just have a low sex drive" I too have sex with my hubby just to make him happy. If you ask me in time it will come back. I'm still waiting though

Amanda - posted on 06/02/2009

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know what you mean.got fixed after our last babies, and now i have 0 need of anything. i also had two csections, but i think it is because i am toooo busy with my kids. try getting rid of the kids,putting in movie that has great love scenes, and see what happens.

Holly - posted on 06/02/2009

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my son is 21 months old i still have no sex drive you may want to talk to your dr about your potourity gland ..i know this is personal to how are your menstrals ?heavey or not at all ?have you looked up at all on line ?you proubly have nothing wrong .u are proubly tired ,worn out ect .if you have a mom or mother inlaw or any one u can really trust ,make a date with you and your hubby plan for it and do dinner movie and get a hotel for the nitr i know honney eaiser said then done ,i have had 3 c sections ,i know i dont like the way my bell is eaithe rso i started to loose some weight stomach crunches ,walking put that baby in a stroller and get some good exercise i have lost about 25 pouns my flappy is almost gone (u look good in yur pic im sure your not over weight tho )you might want to take some prenatle vitamens if you have any left !or get some from the drug store ,those will help with energee..

Kimberly - posted on 06/02/2009

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maybe a combination of several things. Stress, baby weight, feeling like you failed as a woman because you had a c section. Did your hubby pay attention to you right after your c section. I had no sex drive at the very end of my pregnancy and my cousin told me what happened to her after she had 2 c sections. her hubby stopped paying any attention to her and would get sick if he looked at her or anything and i was afraid that would happen with me but my fiance saw me naked the day after my c section and commented that he had never seen such a beautiful woman. Even tho i had alot of extra skin and was still hunched from the c section and not in any kind of shape to think about sex but it helped give me peace of mind. Try to relax and just let all the stress go away

Kat - posted on 06/02/2009

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my son is 13months old and i still have no desire... i have over the last week take those WYLD tablets though and saying this there has been some improvement....

Mel - posted on 06/02/2009

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ok so ur not on birth control well maybe other medication? anti depressants can do it, and i do think the therapist is a good idea they may be able to help you figure out why

Marcia - posted on 06/02/2009

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I didn't get my drive back until my son was about 11/12 months old...I had a c-section and I seriously think this may have had something to do with it, but I mostly blame hormones. I completely agree with Jessica...if you can get your hormones checked that would be hopefully eye opening. As you say you have thyroid issues and I know this messes with your hormones a lot...I know you've tried a ton of things for your thyroid issues, but I'm just wondering if you've tried a natropath? Many people swear by them for thyroid issues, especially if your doctor tests your hormones and he/she knows something is up.
Wishing you get your drive back really soon!

Amanda - posted on 06/02/2009

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hey samantha.... this is a really good question... unfortunately i dont have an answer for as i myself have the same problem.... and i am only 24... i also have a 3 almost 4 year old and a 10 month old and after my first i lost all of my sex drive i have talked to doctors and tried a few things as well and nothing worked and when i got pregnant with my second nothing came back i was really hoping it would lol..... its hard for me too i dont understand it at all... so i completely know how u feel... i will keep up with ur post as well and see what happens... im sorry i cant help but if i find something that works i will definitely let u know... good luck hun hope it works out for u.....

Jessica - posted on 06/02/2009

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Have had any hormone testing done? That can have a huge affect on your libido. I understand the weight issue I'm on my 5th pregnancy but even big and prego I still get in the mood. Have you had any problems with depression? That can also have a huge affect on your sex drive.

Samantha - posted on 06/02/2009

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thanks! I had forgotten to mention that my L4 & L5 is ruptured in my back, I asked the doctor if that could be why but they said no, but I think it could. who knows maybe one day i will be happy with my situation again

Samantha - posted on 06/02/2009

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really! well I am not on any birth control so thats not it, maybe a therapist is the answer. thanks

Samantha - posted on 06/02/2009

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thanks i hope something works, I know carrying the extra pounds from pregnancy is unattractice but last year i looked damn good before I got pregnant and still I didnt feel anything. who knows maybe and hopefully it will come back

Lauren - posted on 06/02/2009

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first off great question! im 26 and had reached the point that i thought i would never get it back after two kids i felt like i was dead (well from the waist down) first thing that didnt help the baby weight chubby is not sexy second i was always worn out two kids and a full time+ job i was in the navy i was super stressed out and my husband was not happy that i never was in the mood so he never wanted to do anything for me. while i was underway 3mo on the ship i started working out hard dropped two sizes and all the sudden the guys i worked with that used to call me mom were calling me momma! lol i started felling damn good about myself! when i got home my hubbs was resenting that "left him with the kids" like i had a choice but instead of feeling bad about myself and treating myself bad i let him know that their was nothing wrong with me and if he wanted me he need to show me and i dont mean flowers or romantic dinners that man had to do some dishes and change diapers! i was so stressed and tired and worked and mommied out that i just wasn't happy with myself i was way to worked up and worked out to sleep let alone be in the mood for sex. women need support from husbands or boyfriends to feel sexy men need to feel sexy to want to give support. its an evil wheel of viciousness. take control. and take care of yourself.
good luck

Marie - posted on 06/02/2009

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i have had 3 c-sections.... i lost my sex drive after my first child then it came back after my seciond, and my 3rd child is 6 months now and my sex drive couldnt be better so i dont think it has anything to do with that.! try checking wit your ob about the birth control you are on if you are on any, some birth controls will effect your sex drive.

Samantha - posted on 06/02/2009

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I had a c-section in march and I feel the same i don't know what it is I feel bad too. I dought it has anything to do with the c-section at least thats what i keep telling myself. I felt like i had to blam it on something. I thought it just might be a mentle thing so I started thinking about all the fun things we did in ben with my husband and jumped him one night it made everthing a bit better I do that once a week to start and I've been feeling sexier and hornier . I think it just might be your mide playing games with you. Hope that helps...

Crystal - posted on 06/02/2009

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Trust me I've been there and I feel your pain. I've only just recently got it back and it's wonderful to feel like a woman again and actually find my husband sexy and desirable. For me I found that it was stress that built a wall for me in my bedroom. Also my hubby got fixed just over a year ago. At first it messed with my head but now I love it cuz I don't have to worry about bringing more stress into my life, I can just enjoy being with my man. As far as the c-section goes I think you are onto something cuz it wasn't until I made peace with mine that I felt free to be me sexually. What I did was write a letter to my son (the one I had the c-section with) and poured my heart out about his birth and even my recovery, then I burned it. I felt such a relief that I jumped my husband that night. It was amazing! Now when I feel like I'm getting stressed I just pencil in some sex on my calendar. I hope this helps!

Jamie - posted on 06/02/2009

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I dont think having 2 c-sections has anything to do with it. I had 2 and my sex drive didnt change. I do still think the therapist is a good idea, you know whats wrong but you dont know why its broken, a therapist may help you figure it out. Other then that not sure what to tell you. If your on any type of birth control that could be it.

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