Letting Go...Please

Mommie_Pumpkin - posted on 12/14/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I'm depress almost all the time...i need help letting go of grudges. I know its not good to hold them but i can't help it. I'm upset. What i am Upset about? Well i still can't seem to forgive my boyfriends parents! I know i got a pregnant at a young age. There's times i wish i should of never told anyone and run away if i knew bad things came out of it....I know ur still wondering what happen....I'll begin, I got pregnant at 17 n right away they wanted me to get abortion!...i cried for weeks...cause i was already 2 months. I felt like no one liked me and no one wanted my baby in this world...So everyday my boyfriends will tell me when am i going to get an abortion?...i know he didnt mean to say that because everyone in his family told to us get rid of the baby...As for me i almost did the same and listen to them. His uncle was the worst he told us we will never make it and it hard and just get a abortion. I had the courage to tell my mom...She cried and yell NO! that she would take care of the baby. Why would i never think and say things like that. She open my eyes and i decided to keep it...One problem my dad! Mom was gonna help find a place to live cause she thought my dad wasnt going to be FURIOUS! I almost moved into a stranger house cause i need to leave fast cause my tummy was growing..n my boyfriend decided to leave his family's house and move with me once they told him to just give me money and let me be on my own. My bf SAID hell no! They got upset their son was leaving and they decided to help us find a place to live...I couldnt help but still be upset cause no one ever talk...as for me i felt the worst pain my heart....i knew no one was happy just looking at me and feeling the hate...i remember hugging my tummy sitting on the bathroom floor crying that the baby has me and i'll always be here no matter if they still hate him. when the baby shower came my mom made it n i invite them out of kindness. In most baby showers you open the gift...i was nervous i couldnt do it, i just wasnt use to doing that and they left the baby shower. They were gonna give us a crib but they decided no cause they were upset....i again ran to the bathroom crying....because how can people be like that to me...they never knew well i never did anything wrong! My boyfriend called them and told them "FINE! we will buy a new crib"....they changed their minds n gave it to us. My appointment came and i turn 37 weeks..was told i was having contractions. the next he was born. I name him angel because to me he was a angel that was sent from the heavens and nobody wanted him. They came to see the baby. I was worried and i just heard the comments "he looks nothing like you" they told my boyfriend. While my boyfriend was the happiest father in the world!....a few days later....They wanted a DNA test. That crushed me into pieces....i couldnt take this heart pain...i was hurt! i realize now they really didnt want my baby...i cried that night...all i told myself "my poor angel....my poor baby has no love only from his mommy n daddy"...i was depress for days even though it hurt i agree...i have nothing to hide its his baby but i cant let go of the pain. my boyfriend called it off cause he knew the pain i was going through. My son is now 1 year n 9 months. Its been that long yet i cant forgive and forget...I try but i cant seem to do it...my heart doesnt forgive them...My son looks like his dad and they accept him NOW but they didnt for a year cause he looked like me...my son got lighter skin and his curly hair now just like his dad. I feel like letting it out and tell them "i know im not perfect i knoe you want him to be with someone better who looks pretty and isnt poor like me...i know deep down in my heart u wish he never met me...i know!....No one even said sorry! if could could change it i would! i would take my son somewhere he would be loved"....well that its....thats wat i need help letting go...i need help on wat to do...im just stressing out cause i know im not good enough for them n i cant forget thoses horrible things. its funny cause a few months later his uncle was having a baby...i just cant forgive them...i know they will never say sorry....i just need advice please i know its alot to read n trust i was crying while typing it. to the moms who read this thank u...so much

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Desiree - posted on 12/16/2012

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I sincerely apologize for you having to go through all that. Nobody should. Even though they may never say sorry to you for treating you the way they have doesn't mean you can't let go of the past. I'm sure it's a lot easier said than done, but you will be a lot better off if you just continue moving forward rather than looking back on it all. You can't change the past, you can't make the outcome any different than what has already become of things. Don't live with any regrets just because of how someone else feels about the situation. It's yours and your babies life, not theirs. Do what's best for you two, and what you want to do and what makes you happy. Don't let others control your happiness by bringing you down with their negativity. It sounds like they have control issues and want to make you make the decisions that THEY want. It's not about them though, and it's very important to have support from your boyfriend too since it is his family that's making you feel this way. I have a lot more I could say, but I hope this helps you out at least a little bit.

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