Losing a baby to stillbirth

ShaunaKay - posted on 04/18/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am new to circle of moms, and I would love someone to talk to.



I lost my son Andrew on March 12 of this year at 41 1/2 weeks. It pains so much just thinking about it. He was beautiful, perfect, all that I had prayed and hope for and then some. Delivering him still was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I miss him so much. As Mother's Day approaches, I can't help but seem lonely, anxious, depressed, sad, fear, along with so many other emotions because I don't know what to expect. Since the loss of my son, people have been handling me with care and it seems as if I'm the big elephant in the room at family gatherings. The ones who do say something, usually say the wrong thing and I can't help but feel like I'm being forced to get over it. I love my son, I miss him like crazy and the worst part is I don't feel like a mother. My empty arms ache because I have no baby to hold, to rock to sleep or to kiss good night. I am falling off the deep end of depression and I would really love someone to talk to.

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Staci - posted on 04/21/2013

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I lost my son Connor Newton on Nov. 13, 2001 at 28 weeks. It was one of the greatest and yet the worst day of my life at the same time. I understand not feeling like a mother (Connor was my 1st) and your arms aching. But you are a mother! Even though your son is a forever baby in heaven, you are still his mother. It took me quite a while to really reassure myself of that. The aching, empty arms was the hardest part, I think. But it does get easier with time. Even though it has been 11 1/2 years, I still cry most times that I talk about him. But I talk about him often. I also had to deal with two of my sisters being pregnant at the same time I was pregnant with Connor. My younger sister had her son Feb 5 and my oldest sister had her daughter Mar 7. It was difficult to be around their babies when I didn't have mine.

13 months after losing Connor, my second son Holden Ace was born making an early entrance (8 weeks). Holden loves looking at the pictures we have of Connor and talking about him and telling other people that he has a big brother who is in heaven. I tell everyone that I have 2 sons, just one is waiting for me in heaven.

Anytime you want to talk, I'm willing to listen and offer comfort and encouragement.

Cyndi - posted on 04/21/2013

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I am so sorry for your loss. Bur you are a mom! One of the strong ones too, one of the onea who bear the burdon of losing a child. Stay strong.

Stacy - posted on 04/21/2013

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And a quick forgotten side note, even if ur baby isn't physically here with u, you will always be his mommy, no matter what anyone else says.

Stacy - posted on 04/21/2013

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I lost my baby boy , Honor Cameron Von, at 30 weeks. I know what ur going through. I cried, became depressed, withdrawn, and soon my marriage crumbled right in front of me like a bad dream. I soon relapsed onto drugs and alcohol. After losing my job and nearly dying over a $300 rent bill owed to my roomie/drug mate, I rushed back to Kansas and got clean. Started therapy so I could work out my emotions about my son and b a better mommy to my living babies. It took years before I could even say his name without bawling, but eventually, I worked past that stage of my grief and now I'm on acceptance. I know he is up in the heavens with of those I loved watching over my kids and myself and that give me a warm happy feeling. The moral or this story is: It get easier and when the time is right, u will be able to celebrate ur baby rather than mourn him.

Gena - posted on 04/21/2013

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You Are a mom!and always will be! You must take all the time you need,dont let anybody tell you to get over it. My ten year old sister died 7years ago and now that i have a child i can only imagine the pain of losing a child. My mom was also very hurt when another mother told her its been a while ago and she must start to get over it. People that say something like that dont think of what they are saying and they cant understand. My mom always says she has 3daughters if someone asks.Just because my youngest sister died doesnt mean she never existed! You may be sad and angry,but never forget that your little one is in a good place and you are a mom! I send you a big hug!

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ShaunaKay - posted on 04/21/2013

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I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the support and encouragements you've all shared! It's people with kind loving hearts like you guys are what's helping each day be a little less painful. Thank you

V - posted on 04/19/2013

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You ARE a mother. You will always be a mother. I highly suggest finding a support group of some kind. Hospitals sometimes have/host them, and your OBGYN may be able to recommend local groups or other help.
I'm sorry for your loss, but wanted to thank you for posting this. We lost our niece last week days short of 40 weeks.
I am so sorry, and please don't feel like you "need" to "get over it" or anything like that. Grief if very personal and no one can tell you how long you should be grieving for.

Kate - posted on 04/18/2013

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:::hugs:::

You ARE a mother, and don't you forget it. Have you looked into forums devoted to still birth and infant loss? I know there are a couple on babycenter.

Hang in there mama. ♥

Kate - posted on 04/18/2013

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:::hugs:::

You ARE a mother, and don't you forget it. Have you looked into forums devoted to still birth and infant loss? I know there are a couple on babycenter.

Hang in there mama. ♥

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