Losing myself in the process; I NEED ADVICE BADLY

Jaimie - posted on 08/11/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have a great family with 3 kids and a great boyfriend! But i never thought i would be one of those females that ive seen on tv. Moms who give their all to their family, but lose themself in the process. I feel like I have nothing in the world to offer because I dont feel like im Jaimie instead I feel like mom, mommy, and girlfriend. Does anyone feel this way or felt this way before! Help. I have litle to no friends and i badly need to regain myself Any advice

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Lee-Anne - posted on 08/13/2009

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Hey darling, i did the same thing and i watched my hubby go out and enjoy his hobbies when i sat home. Feeling alone i didnt know what to do. One day though at a lil fair in town i was given a paper by another mom. It told me all about a group called MOPS (mothers of preschoolers). this was a group of local moms that come together to form friendships and switch advice, and pray for each other in hard times. I was weary at first but then went to a meeting.. I HAD A BLAST. these women cared for me and made me feel welcome. They invited me on trips i thought i never go to and when my babies were born they were there for me more than ever. MOPS is nationwide and i bet there is a group close to u. Thats where my life began, finding out who i was. There church had a food pantry so me and the kids began to help them. This feeling of being appreciated and needed was great. Someone besides my kids and hubby wanted me in thier life, and i was important. One day, 4 hours a week is all i gave but it was enough for them. Find where u belong, MOPS may not be right for u, but someone/something is looking for u to fill that emptiness. GO find it, pray to god where u belong. If u want to check out MOPS go to MOPS.org, they are wonderful. Goodluck and god bless.

Gretchan - posted on 08/13/2009

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Everyone has been there. I think that you need to be there so you can teach yourself that you need to be your own person. The best thing that you can do is remind yourself that you are worth it. But most importantly that you are a better MOM when you have had time to unwind and regenerate. No one is perfect but it is easy to be great when you have time to reflect.

Valerie - posted on 08/13/2009

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I have been there. You have to give the kids to your boyfriend and go out one night a week. It helped me so much when I started to go out on friday nights. My ex-boyfriend who is my sons father cheated on me twice and I felt like Great now I dont have a boyfriend even now i am just mommy and i have no friends my age with kids so it is hard but i give my son to my ex every friday and I go out with my sister. to have time with out boyfriends and with out kids is one of the only ways to get yourself back. I hope I helped.

Kandace - posted on 08/13/2009

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Hey, I've been there! I think we all have. When I quit working to stay home with our oldest child...he was 6 months old...I was totally lost. I live 20 miles from the nearest town and I found myself going to our little post office for stamps and staying there for 30 minutes just talking to the lady that worked there.

Things will get better if you make time for yourself. Even if you are going to lunch with your sister or your mother, or any woman you know for that matter, it will help. Find a sitter and go shopping.....even for the kids.....by yourself.

Things will start to look up for you and it will get better in time. Good luck!

Donna - posted on 08/13/2009

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as a mum its hard to do the whole "me" thing but thats what you need to do. For the first 6 years og my eldest daughters life, i was the mum you saw on tv, but in the end i too felt i was loosing my identity. for me it was restarting my career at first i felt selfish but than i realised if i wasnt happy than my family wouldnt be happy.

Jaimie - posted on 08/11/2009

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Thank u so much for your advice. I truly needed and i will definately start making time for myself. I havent done so in 7 years! im 23years old and i need to learn that its ok to be a little selfish-Im going to meditate like u said and try yoga again. Thank u again

Marta - posted on 08/11/2009

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Hey, I think we all get there at one point or another. I think the trick is making time for yourself and pursuing something that you are passionate about. If that means reading a fiction novel while having a bubble bath or going for a walk to sit under a tree and read Neitsche or picking up an old hobby then do it. Your boyfriend will just have to pick up the slack a bit so that you can have some personal time to find yourself again. It's definately difficult to make new friends when you're a mom in her twenties or early thirties since most women our age are still partying it up or just starting to settle down, but, it's not impossible. Have you tried joining a "mommy and me" class (like swimming or arts and crafts)? It's a great way to meet other moms in your area and as your friendships develop and grow you can organize a mommies night out and playdates with the kids. But, I can't stress enough the importance of setting aside some personal time EVERY night (even if it's after the kids are in bed). I try to get a workout in during naptime and I try to read at least one chapter from the bible everynight and spend some time meditating on it. It makes me feel new and fresh without having to spend any money on pampering myself. I hope this helps you some and please feel free to message me if you'd like.

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