Losing our son

April - posted on 08/28/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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We unexpectadly lost our 4 1/2 yr old son sept 10, 2008 due to complications from his metabolic disorder. obviously im struggling daily but his one year heaven date is coming up and im dont know what to do on that day. its not a "celebration" day for me as some people like to put it....i just dont know what to do on that day for him...please help. thanx and ps i need to include his 10 year old sis and 12 year old bro

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Kylie - posted on 08/31/2009

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hello, i have not lost a chil of my own and its something i never want to do ...i feel for you although i can't say i can imagine the pain I;m hoping that i can help to ease it in giving you an idea.On you sons"heaven date "maybe if you could go a place that he liked or that you were all at before he passed , or maybe plant a friut tree something that he liked get the kids to write a message or say something funny that they remember about him something along those lines and tie it to a branch on the tree..i cannot say enough how srry for you i am...

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Leah - posted on 08/28/2009

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We lost my older brother to suicide five years ago. My mother asked us to go to his grave and write messages on small slips of paper. We tied them to balloons and let them go on his first and second year anniversaries. Watiching them float was like a release for that one moment.



Love & Light and Godbless :)

Adrienne - posted on 08/28/2009

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I'm sorry for your loss. I only had 38 hours with my son before he passed away I could never imagine 4 1/2 years with my child then have him/her pass away. But it still hurts.. Every year on my son's heaven date comes I get a stuff frog, a birthday card and write something inside. One year I had his actual footprints tattooed in between my shoulder blades blown up 20% with his name over them. My father told me that maybe I should plant a tree every year. Again sorry for your loss and I hope you find a something that means a lot to you for that day.

Nikki - posted on 08/28/2009

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I'm really not sure what to say but I'm so sorry. I lost my mom in 2006 and it is still very fresh. Instead of doing something on the day she died we still celebrate her birthday. that helps me...

Cortnie - posted on 08/28/2009

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I'm so sorry to hear about your baby.



A remeberance ceremony might be an idea. Just getting the closest people in your life together. lighting a candle, saying a prayer and maybe a few people say something nice that they loved and remember about your son.



My heart goes out to you and your family.

Rosa - posted on 08/28/2009

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I am so sorry to hear about your loss! I know it is hard! I have not lost a child after birth myself but both of my brothers have, I have only lost them before they were born. One was still born(Lived 1 minute) and the Other was 26months old when she passed and she was very health so to this they they say it was SIDS. However I know with the one that was still born the day he was born and lost and on any special days they go to the grave sight bring a ballon to let away, some flowers or put a small toy on his stone. With the little girl who was 26 months old was my niece she was my pride and angle even though she was my niece she was my little girl. It was heart breaking. Every year on any special day and on the day she passed I go and say a prayer and bring a little something to her sight. Her mom & dad live out of state and can not do any of this. However my Heart goes out to you so much! I hope you find something that works for you. I like to bring flowers to her sight. I help keep the grave site clean. It is painful I do agree by far!

Destiny - posted on 08/28/2009

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I'd let your younger sibblings and you and your SO let balloons go with your DS's name and DOB-DOD on it.

Sara - posted on 08/28/2009

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*hug* many people find it soothing to do something like release balloons in the child's favorite color, or float a flotilla of paper boats made from notes or things with your child's name down the stream. Or even simply spend the day telling stories or reading books that were their child's favorites. Others find lighting a candle and saying a prayer to be helpful. Make it personal. Something that reminds you of the joys that he brought to your life, and how much he was loved.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine losing a child at that young age. *hug*

Pat - posted on 08/28/2009

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hi april Im sorry for ur loss I sort of know how u feel,u could get a plant or some thing like that,Im not sure what else to say.if u want to talk either here or on facebook I will be happy to try and help.pat xx

Jacqueline - posted on 08/28/2009

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I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy....I cannot imagine how it feels...Please know that you are in my wishes.

[deleted account]

i think everyone has good idead also sometimes if you go to chruch they have memorials or masses ... also maybe donating something that reminds you or him

Amanda - posted on 08/28/2009

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I miscarried my first pregnancy sept 3 2007 that day and some things around it are really tough on me. Last year i spend the day with my husband small things cozy time at the park we released balloons for our baby. This year i have my son and on the 3rd it will be a family day we are going to go to the zoo and probably do the balloons again i'm not tryin to make it a celebration of death as much as a celebration of life of our family and how it started with the death of my first pregnancy i plan to make sept 3rd a day we all will always hang out no school no work just time to reflect on the importance of having one another hope this helps

Sarah - posted on 08/28/2009

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I have never lost a child, but I wanted to say I am sorry for your loss that would be hard.

All I can say is after I lost my grandpa, I started to light a candle ever year on his "birthday" and on the day of his passing as a though he will live on like a burning flame.

Hope that helps

Stefanie - posted on 08/28/2009

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I knew a woman who lost a baby and had all her family, especially her other children, write letters to the child that had passed. Then they put them into envelopes and tied them to balloons and at her time of death went outside and set them free. It was their way of "sending" their letters to Heaven. It helped her other children deal with the loss much better.

Amanda - posted on 08/28/2009

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I have not lost a child and I can only imagine the pain and heart break that you are still going through; but my Mom lost my brother at age 2 one week before his 3rd birthday. This was 21 years ago, but still on the day that he died me, my Mom, and my older brother go to his grave plant flowers, wash his stone and then go back to my Moms house and have a nice family dinner without any interuptions(phone, computer). Every year there are tears, smiles and laughs; but every year the conversation always turns to happy memories and now that my brother and I have children of our own we like to watch them play and reflect upon how lucky we are to have them. What ever you do remember that everyone dose things different and what ever you and your family dose it will be nice as long as you are together.

Michelle - posted on 08/28/2009

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What about planting a tree or something like that? That's what the school I work at did when we lost a kindergarten student due to cancer. It's "Ella's Tree" there are special painted rocks by it in her favorite colour-pink. Or making a donation in his name, if that's an option.

Danielle - posted on 08/28/2009

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anouther good idea is to have a huge family dinner and everyone just sit and remember and talk about him. I know its very very very hard to talk about but if you dont it gets worse trust me. talk about and remember all the joy and laughter he brought. and always remember ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG!!

Danielle - posted on 08/28/2009

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Im so sorry to hear that. I lost my daughter when she was 9 months old from complications as well. She passed away 9 years ago now. Not many people can say this and mean it to you but I know ecaxtly what youre going through. Its not easy at all! And you will never forget. Trust me. Its the worst thing in the world and to this day I talk, think and remember her everyday all day. But when he heaven date comes around I write notes in balloons and blow them up then I go to her grave site and release them. You could have each kid write a note and you write a not then let them go. Write anything you want to say to him. And it lets everyone get it out. If you ever need anything feel free to write me. Trust me it doesnt get any easier no matter who says it does. Like I said to this day Im still dealing with it. I hope I helped. Again Im so sorry. Write me for anything. Its a million times worse trying to get through it alone without someone who really knows what youre going through

Tiffany - posted on 08/28/2009

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Maybe you could have a memorial type thing. Light a candle, say a prayer. Something like that. Just a small ceremony to acknowledge his passing and remember him.

Jennifer - posted on 08/28/2009

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My son passed away 2 yrs ago when he was 1.5 yrs old. On the Anniversary of when he passed, we let balloons go. His twin brother (who is now 3.5 yrs old) gets to pick out a special balloon to let go. We also have a garden for Logan that we add a new lawn ornament to every year. I am sorry for your loss.

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