Marine husband got me pregnant. Has been deployed for 4 months decided he wants divorce!

Brittany - posted on 10/14/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My husband is in the marines. He's been away all but 3 weeks of our year long marriage. We were so happy and he begged me to have his baby so I got off birth control and got pregnant. He will be home tomorrow after 4 long months away. We were supposed to move in together finally and have our family. But after a big fight about a week ago he says he's unhappy and wants to be single. I told him it was crazy how could he leave me with a baby and he says he will support me financially til I get on my feet but if money issues are one of his problems divorce will make it worse. I think he's suffering from PTSD and he's scared about being a father and having a family.im done begging an crying. He claims he doesn't want to talk it out when he gets here yet he's coming over at 10:30 at night to get his 'stuff' (an old toothbrush and a box of shirts) so I think he wants to see me. Do you think once he comes back home he will see what he's really doing and that he has a happy family? Or should I prepare to move on and call his command? (I want to be sure if he does leave I won't be homeless.) also one more thing to add, he's been call long me thinking of excuses to talk/argue an two nights ago he drink dialed me and threatened to hang himself. And then said he wanted make up sex. The next day e canceled my debit card. What am I supposed to do!

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Ashley - posted on 10/15/2012

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WOW, how old are both of you? You've only been married a year how long were you together before you got married? Do you have a job... or family? You should try and work it out almost all military marriages fail... my husband and I have been together for 4 years hes been in the army for just over a year now and about ready to leave for deployment for 9 months. I have a life outside of just him... I have a full time career I can throw my mind into while hes away and Im moving home to live with my family for support. Give him some space... then try and talk it out with him seriously giving up on marriage after 1 year is not trying and your expecting ... be open, honest and trust each other ... my husband and I tell each other everything ... Young pvts always get married for the money and then realise they made a big mistake settling down its hard to be tied down in the military with all the moves and deployments ... you could try therapy? My husband and I did therapy for a full year at one point in our relationship when it was rocky you just have to work through your issues no matter what. Life is hard. Also if he is threatening his life it may be PTSD call his commanding officer turn him in and make sure he gets help. Good Luck!

Cheryl - posted on 10/14/2012

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i would say hang in there wait til he comes back he might change his mind luf he shouldnt be treating you like this but his mind might not be all there i hope for your sake he changes his mind but be careful he not playing you stay strong especially for that baby i hope things work out for you

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Brittany - posted on 10/18/2012

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We're 24 & 25. He came home & came straight over to have a talk with me. He said everything he said on the phone in person. & then went to stay w his mom. It was hard to swallow. The main thing is that he keeps blaming me for everything and for pushing him away while he was gone.

I went with him to file for separation and found out you don't need a separation agreement in this state you just separate. I realized I can't make him stay I have to move on with my life as badly as I don't want to give up.

I have no family alive & he isn't even a pvt he's a cpl about to get a promotion. He is old enough to know better.

After we 'separated' he seemed to change a lot. He was very nice to me & he started being affectionate & caring. He also constantly calls me & makes up excuses to come over. The other night he comes over at 3 am and we ended up having sex. I wasn't trying to have sex thinking itd bring him back to me but I don't like the idea that I waited so long for sex and I don't feel right being pregnant & having sex w another guy just to get my rocks off (lol) so I gave into it & had great sex. Afterwards he started crying! It was so uncomfortable for me. And i think for him too. I noticed he's been wearing his dog tags which he never does. And he grabbed onto them while crying and opened up saying he saw such horrible things in Afghanistan and his best friend went & killed himself after deployment was over. I just let him talk & my jaw was just dropped because I couldn't believe he'd been suffering with this for almost 6 months & never said anything. He says he refuses counseling all he wants to do is finish his last 2-3 years and get out & move far away. He also says he doesn't want to bring me down because he thinks if he goes on one more deployment he will be killed and die. All I could say is 'as your wife I wish you would've told me & I wish you wouldnt throw away our marriage over all this. He hates his job & he somehow equates it to the marriage because of moving around & the whole military lifestyle (the wife, kids all of it) just disgusts him.

So, I backed off & said I'll always be here for u to talk to if you ever need it. But I have a baby on the way & need to think about getting my stuff together and being independent and goal oriented. He doesn't realize I've been depressed myself. But I'm willing to go get help and make my life better without drastic irrational changes.

So now I'm still moving with him, but to my own apartment & getting my own job while he lives in the barracks. We have a long separation ahead of us. He said he wants to help me financially anyway he can. The more time he spends here and with me & his family the more I see the 'old' him i used to know.

We've been having sex & having long talks about life & all. I know it can't work between us unless he gets real help. His plan to end his own PTSD is flawed and obviously his problems will follow him out of the military til he addresses them. I don't mind our arrangement we have going on right now because I do need the sex, but in two days when He leaves to check in at NC it's ending & I'm letting him know when I come down and get into my apartment no more sex. He can't enjoy the perks of marriage of he's divorcing me. Yes I'm going about it in a civil way, but like I said I can't help him at this point & he's going to have to make the choice to get help.

I feel there's a chance when I move & cut him off to start my new life he's going to see what he's missing out on and maybe it will push him to get help so he doesn't completely lose me. Then again he might get bitter & get mad that I won't let him pretend we are not separated. That divorce will eventually come & I'm not going to go through that pain of 'losing' him all over again just because I was desperate for companionship or thought he'd change his mind. I can't let that happen to me or my child.

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