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More for me than my children, But did any of you go through a stage where you were'nt sure if being a mom or a wife was right for you? I feel I am going through a certain

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Angela - posted on 01/20/2009

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I did, and the advise that I can give is, its too late. you are. deal with it. LOL. Really though. Yeah, i felt like everything I did was wrong, and that I needed time to myself. My husband is very shovanistic (Spell?) so not only was I working full time, but cleaning and cooking, and bathing everything. I did everything and I really thought that I may as well be single.



 



Regarding the not sure about being a mom... thats where the too late part comes in. You love your child yes? then NEVER do anything to make him feel abandoned. Maybe it is his age, that is making you feel like you hate it. (I have a 4 & 5 yr old. I cant stand this age. Give me a baby or a teenager, I am fine, but a toddler, and i just want to rip their head off)



 



every mom needs time to herself. My time is in the shower, and at the gym (which I have not been for a few months, but damit i am going again) and if you work. other than that, be grateful that you have a child that thinks the world of you, and loves you-- unconditionally! There are those "supermoms" out there who like to degrade and make you feel like less than a mom because their kid does something that yours doesn't, don't let it get to you. If you are doing whateer you can to make your child happy, then you are fine. (along with hygene and education)



 



the marriage part... i can specifically attest to that one. there was a time that I actualy HATED my husband. I hated the way he treated me, he made me feel inferior, and not good enough. he got to do whatever he wanted as I stayed home, like his built in baby sitter. it has been very difficult for me to stay with him, but through good and bad right?



 



I don't know if I am being any help. But, I do think it is a stage. when your just tired of it all and you need a break. so long as you are not thinking of hurting your child or husband, then i think it is completly normal, if not, i think i might need to go to therapy. LOL. try to do what you can to make it work. You will get through it. just really take some time to think about what you need, and make it happen.

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User - posted on 01/27/2009

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wow you explaination of your husband being in the military and being an ass and than turning around saying sorry and then turning right back into an ass again was MY life to a tea! my husband is in the military ( i hate the military) i have 2 kids, 3 and 19 months, And we never get any time together, Being a mother is Very hard when you know, no one and have no time alone, I'm working when he gets home from work, and have the kids all day cook clean, and do all the laundry. And when his schedual interfears with my work, i have to change my dates because the military is NOT flexiable!, and when i mention something to him about it he gets bitchy and i get my head ripped off, and some how im the one that wrong in the end and should stop my "bitching". I dont know how many times now he and i have said we would go our seperate ways, yet dont. we say were sorry and move on but so how i wish we would. i wish i was single and didnt have kids some days, i wish i could sleep in, i wish i could go running alone, i wish i could travel, i wish ididnt have anyone to answer to, i wish i could be alone in a room for 5 minutes with out worrie or thinking or hearing mommy mommy, or the husband blabbing on about something that didnt get done or w/e.

I wouldnt give my life up for the world because it could always be worse, but i do wish i could be my own person or have a Romantic relationship or have some sort of happiness in life, find joy in SOMEthing.

Melissa - posted on 01/27/2009

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I know how you feel and I am just now pregnant... though I don't know if I am in the exact same boat... I am 19 weeks and it seems last week wasn't a good one... I was just so depressed and didn't know what I was getting myself into... My hubby and I were fighting all the time, I was still feeling a bit icky and just didn't know what the deal was.... We tried for 2 years to get pregnant and finally it happened naturally... I found though that I was spending all the time I could at home, feeling sorry for myself... best advice would be to get out and about... you know with your close friends or family... I had an outing on Saturday, still feeling a bit blah, and crying almost all morning because I HAD to leave the house the end of the day, was a new beginning and all has been better since... and let me tell ya.... 3 days of better may not seem like a lot, but it is totally night and day... I'm 25 and feeling that way and you have every right to be feeling it too, but like I said, make time for you... hopefully that will help!

Megan - posted on 01/27/2009

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I totally get where you are coming from. I'm 26, I have a 5 year old girl, a 2 1/2 year old boy and I just had my 2nd son, he's 2 1/2 weeks old. My husband is a wonderful, hands on father who treats are children like royalty, he can have the great attitude and the patience with them. Me on the other hand, I am not so patient and I am the disiplinarian it seems most the time. I guess I am uptight about things. i am sort of in the preventitive maintenence buisness of "Put your skirt down" "don't wrestle with her that way" "don't talk like that" and my husband feels I am always on my kids for something. I just want them to be good people and whos going to teach them if I don't?



So that leaves me feeling like the bad parent constantly. I get aggrevated quickly about a dirty house and my husband gets in verbally when he doesn't help. It's annoying to pick up after someone who can do it themselves. To top it off my daughter, she's 5 , is getting mouthy and back talks constantly. I don't know what to do, I am just always mad at her it seems because she doesn't respect me.



Oh my Lord this is so mummbled and jumbled and you all probably think I'm horrid. I love my kids so much, I just want to figure out why I get so aggrevated so fast. I want a healthy happy family...

Teanna - posted on 01/27/2009

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I love your enthusiasm! I feel like doing that every once in a while. My husband is in the Army so he really can't just stop and stay home...but still that is no excuse. I just feel like sometimes I try and tell him what I am feeling and he turns it into I am bitching about something. Then he says he's sorry and goes right back into being an ass all over again about whatever it may be at that time. I am going to school full time, take care of my two boys (whom are 13 months to the day apart- 2 and 1) and I run a household! I don't want to come home and clean and be perfect any more than he wants to come home and give the boys a bath for me. Like I said he is in the service and leaves at about 8 and mostly comes home about 8:30. We are about three states away from my closest relative so I can't just up and leave like you did...although a nice plane ride sounds fun! LOL. I am trying to keep busy with little organizations I can be in wiht school so that will be good for me later on and it helps give me an excuse to get out of the house for a bit...But thank you for your words and I truely enjoy hearing from you! Keep in touch...My name is Tea BTW! Talk to ya soon

Jennifer - posted on 01/20/2009

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I really wasn't sure about being a wife in the begining and i have my doubts if i'm doing a good job in raising my daughters. BTW i'm a 26 year old mother of twin 9 moth old girls and expecting my 3rd in August. As for my husbund he got the drift very early on that i was not going to stand for bull shi*. He used to leave everything for me to do ( cooking, cleaning, laundry and still take care of our kids and put out for him). I just decided to stop everything one day and when he started complaining that he was tired of coming home from work and still have to cook for me and him and help with the girls i grabbed a suit case and started to put his stuff inside it he asked what my problem was and said he didn't understand why i was causing such a fuss. He said that taking care of our girls was alot easier then working construction for 10 hours. I laughed first then cried. At last I started lauging again dumped his stuff out of the suit case and packed a few things for my self and told him he could reach me at my mothers place (this was at 6:30pm). Needless to say he was calling me back at 2am and i didn't go home for 2 days. Although it killed me not to see my girls when i got home the house was even worse then when i left my kids had just run out of diapers and he was getting them ready to go and buy them but couldn't manage. I just sat down on the couch and laughed at him he couldn't do it for 2 days but yet he did nothing then take care of the girls. When I asked him if he even tried to do something else he said he was too tired cause he hardly got any sleep. (most children eat every 3 hours at first and my girls would take about an hour to eat and burp if not longer so my girls would feed an hour apart and by the time you are done feeding one the other is starting to want to feed and by the time you get back to bed the first one you fed is hungry again so sleep was a privliage for me. Once i got home and made my little remarks he cried at my feet asking for forgivness while i told him that construction was easier. Let me tell you after that he helps out in every way every day! He would help by getting up 2 hours earlier to feed the kids so i could get some sleep, when he gets home he showers and then feeds the kids and makes dinner for us while doing some laundry. On the weekends he takes the kids to the living room so i can sleep and cleans the house form top to bottom.Since then I have never second guessed my marriage or kids!



Hope this helps! and please feel free to contact me if you ever need to talk

Angela - posted on 01/20/2009

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my husband is like that (5 years now) you just have to thik of them as another kid, really! AND i have recently developed a new trick with my husband. K so we just moved (out of his moms) to our own place. I have been VERY particulat about where everything goes. and how clean and tidy my house is. we have lived on our own before, but then, i was not this way. He actually takes his shoes off at the door, makes his friends do that., he will atleast get his dishes to the sink, although, i would LOVE it if he could atleast rince it. But, i think it is because, for example, his friend, and his dauighter were over this sunday. the bous were playing that damn xbox all day, while of course I took care of breakfast, lunch MAKE UP WITH THE GIRLS, laundry etc. for real, i did not sit down once. then we went to a stupid car show (i say stupid because they were not cool cars they were cars for sale) then we came home and i made dinner for everyone. then they left. I WAS PISSED my house was trashed. So, i started cleaning, but I was NOT quiet about it. i wasn't bitching, i was stomping, and sighing, and when i was doing the floors, i was doing them right infront of him (and he makes me do them by hand, apparently mops are dirty and grose) so that he can see me and i was grunting and just making it seem like i was working SO hard. LOL. anyway that was just an example, but i have been doing that EVERY TIME THAT I CLEAN since we moved in. I think there is this little button or something that associates noises to work with them (havent you noticed them doing it? think about it) So anyway, he really has made more of an effort not to leave his own mess. and he is just a little more respectful. LOL... sorry, i do blab, i know... but it worked for me.

Alexis - posted on 01/20/2009

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For me I can't wait to be a mother, It's the partner part im having issues with. To me he seems selfish but he thinks I am. He works 10hr days and when he comes home I have to do everything. Cook, clean, pick up after him. It's like I already have a child!



It's driving me insane (see sadness posted 20/01/2009)

Angela - posted on 01/20/2009

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BTW, I am 25 and have a 4&5 yr old. I will have been married 5 years this may.



 



feel free to contact me to talk

Amber - posted on 01/20/2009

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I dont think I've ever thought that being a mom wasnt right for me, but I've had feelings that I should've waited longer and not had them so early.  I get really stressed out sometimes too and I feel like I need a "break".  Taking a Hot bath by myself with no interruptions or just getting out for a few hours by myself helps sometimes.  Maybe those can help you.  You may also want to talk to your doctor and see if he or she has some more tips!

Teanna - posted on 01/20/2009

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"mid-life crisis" and I am not even 23! My husband is older than me and pretty set in his ways and my oldest is 2 so it isn't like I had kids super young...but I guess I am just a little bit too stressed out...any advice?

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