mother in law, grandmother problems!

Nicole - posted on 07/25/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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OK I love my mother in law but sometimes I'm really irritated because she always tells me what to do with MY daughter I understand that this is my first child but i have been around infants and kids my whole life ill be 21 next month and i have an almost 11 month old daughter, 2 year old niece, 8 year old nephew, 12 year old little brother, and a 16 year old nephew oh and also a 3 month old nephew....we are obviously a big family =) but my problem is that she is always telling me what to feed her where I can and cant take her and something about pretty much everything my fiance doesnt see a problem with it because he says she knows what she is doing but she hasnt had a baby in 21 years!! Is there something i can say or do to get out of this situation??

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Sami - posted on 07/25/2009

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i have the same problem with my inlaws to be honest...i think in their own way they are trying to help or relieve your stress load, but i can fully understand how you would be feeling that enough is enough.
i understand that you may not be the confronting type, but your fiance taking the stance in this situation is going to bare no result as it is his family and (i am sorry to the men out there) they dont always get the stress that their families put their partners under.
i dont always like confrontations when it comes to these tricky situations either but when it comes to my 'enough is enough' point, i calmly thank them for their advice but this is what i am going to do/where i am going to go/how i am going to do it etc etc
if they put pressure on you, or dont take the hint, the best and easiest thing for you to do is calmly walk away from the situation at hand....even if you leave it until they contact you, then they will eventually realise that you are getting a little tired of the interfering.
if all else fails .... tell them straight out.... this child is yours, they need to be the grandparent/aunt etc, let you get on with your job and stop interfering!
hope this helps
good luck :)

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Tashia Ann - posted on 07/25/2009

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my mother inlaw is the same way an even worst since my husbend her son passed away in 08 she acts like shes gotta be her dad......well anyways you just gotta sit down an talk to her i have been throu alot of fights in the 6yrs i have been in this family i have learned its better to sit an talk about it with her

Bridget - posted on 07/25/2009

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Let your mother-in-law know that although you appreciated her help sometimes you just want to take care of things with your children but if you have any questions or need any help you will ask her since she always seems so willing to help!

Nicole - posted on 07/25/2009

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thank you guys all so much this was really helpful!! i guess im just going to have to find the courage to stand up to his mom and say something whether its through a letter or in person it will HAVE to get done because i am really sick of it!!

Jessica - posted on 07/25/2009

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just let her know that some of the ideas are great and go into detail on what you do like she probably just want to help and just does not come across in a way that is always helpful and you will make her fill like she is contributing to the raising of her granddaughter. Most people handle praise better than criticism so it might help

[deleted account]

I used to be all nicey nice about people giving me advice, now that I have three children and one on the way I tell people straight up that if I need advice I will ask. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down, no matter what people may think or how they will react.



Some people need to be spoken to bluntly (not rudely) trust me when I say that it will just cause more stress to say or do nothing. I ended up being a total stress ball when I had my first child as everyone started giving me advice and trying to boss me around. Now most people won't say anything unless i ask them to and i feel so much better since telling people to stop.

Nicole - posted on 07/25/2009

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aww jessica im really sorry to hear that but that is a very good idea i really just dont want her to take it the wrong way you know?

Jessica - posted on 07/25/2009

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my mother-in-law was the same I finally wrote her a letter expressing my appreciation for her advice but I also explained that I was not always going to do everything that she suggested because she was my daughter and that she was the grandma (like in the spoil rotten and send her home). a month later my mother-in-law died and I was glad that I had handled it in a nice way so that there were not any problems that last month of her life.

Nicole - posted on 07/25/2009

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thank you guys i just am too nice of a person to even confront her i might just have to tell my fiance to do it or something because i just feel she would look at me the wrong way like im saying i dont need her help, which sometimes its useful but majority of the time its just irritating!

Naomi - posted on 07/25/2009

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Okay, so although my mother in law wasn't trying to tell me how to take care of my babies it was my sister. My husband and I now have four kids and its still the same thing. Her trying to tell me how to take care of my kids but mean while she has yet to have kids. Just this year over the summer I finally told her these are my children and I know how to take care of them.

Sometimes you just have to tell ppl nicely, "I got this, I appreciate all your help though".

Momma - posted on 07/25/2009

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I had that problem with my fiance's family and it didn't matter how much I expressed to him that he needs to talk to his mother and he was telling me the same thing about how she knows what shes doing. After a while of it I finally told her that my daughter is just that, MINE and not hers and that I don't need a second mother to mother me on how to mother my daughter. While, it didn't go over very well I got what I wanted because they wont talk to me anymore at all which I couldn't be happier about.

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