Mother-in-law trouble

Cassie - posted on 10/02/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My Mother-in-law does not like me, she has made that point many times. But it has gone to my daughter now and it is really bothering me. I am white and my husband is Latino. My Mother-in-law says things like, "Baby girl, I wish you had more Mexican genes in you. We need to get you a tan, your so pale! Someday you'll wish Mom wasn't white." OMG right? Help! What do I do!?

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Sara - posted on 10/02/2009

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My mother-in-law does not have a problem with me but my Grandmother (on my Dad's side) does not like my mom (even after 25+years) and I was still a pre-teen when I became aware of it. Don't let her disrespect you like that because it won't get any better and your daughter, and any other children you might have in the future, will become aware of it earlier than you think they would. It doesn't make for happy holidays.

Nadine - posted on 10/02/2009

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I would tell your mother in law that if she does not start treating you with respect then you will not allow her to have a relationship with her granddaughter. She must realize that the little one is part of you and either she accepts you or she is cut out of your childs life. You married her son, not her and obviously he has no problem with you being of a different race and that's all that matters. If you let it slide it will just get worse and eventually it will start causing problems between you and your husband.

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Shandy - posted on 10/02/2009

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What does you hubby say about this? I would think if its bothering you he would say something to her. Talk to your man tell him how you feel and together talk to her. Does he treat you this way? Good luck!

Erin - posted on 10/02/2009

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oh no..your husband should be saying something about that. thats his child too, and he should not allow no-one, not even his mother, to talk to his child that way. It's okay to teach her to be proud of her Mexican background, but don't try to hide or discourage her from being proud of her white background as well. He needs to sit down and seriously discuss this with his mother, and if she's not willing to respect the opinions of the parents, and not talk that way to the child, then maybe she needs to spend less time with the child and more time thinking about her actions and the after-effects. just my opinion.

Taylor - posted on 10/02/2009

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I understand, my father-in-law hates me. I married his oldest and only child that lived close to home, so now he despises me. I suggest talking to your husband and letting him talk to her about it. It hurts the whole family when one member is negative towards another, and your husband needs to know that it really bothers you.

Jodi - posted on 10/02/2009

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I would definately get your husband involved. It may be easier for her to hear it from him than just from you. If she sees that you two are are in this one together she may see that she has no choice but to oblige your wishes. I would definately consider not letting her see your daughter anymore, she is having a very negative impact on your daughter's perceptions and possibly your future relationship with your daughter. When all else fails, no matter the consequences, you need to do what's best for your daughter! The best luck, it won't be easy, but you can do it!!!

Nadine - posted on 10/02/2009

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Maybe first speak to your husband and then the two of you could sit down and talk to her together. I understand how you feel about not upsetting her but you need to let her know how you feel. My husband is greek and I am white. I am having a similar problem with my mother in law. The greeks view the first born son as everything so I have just said they will not see my kids until she starts treating me the way I deserve to be treated. She doesn't have to like me but she needs to treat me with respect. It's not nice using your kids against your in-laws but sometimes thats the only way to get your message across.

Cassie - posted on 10/02/2009

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Thank you all for your advice. It was all very helpful. It is just a hard subject for me because she has helped us out so much and she gets offended easily. Which I guess she should understand more of why I am offended since she is the same way to things less harsh. There is just a fine line here, between have a conversation about how I feel and what I expect and pissing her off and "hurting" her feelings. I'm not sure why I am so afraid of hurting her, she has done so much emotionally to me. I am just so confused and out of my element. Do you think I should get my husband to sit down with us or should I talk to her alone?

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i would definitely talk to your hubby about this one, and do not let something like this slide.

she is teaching your child to be predjudice/racist. is that something that you want your child to be learning?

you can pick your spouse, but you can't pick his family. keep civil with your mom-in-law, but she needs to know who the boss of YOUR child is.

Jessica - posted on 10/02/2009

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Ask your mother-in-law how she would feel over hearing you tell your daughter you wished she had more white in her??? Your husband obviously chose to marry you and have a child with you. Maybe she should respect her sons choice?

Rachel - posted on 10/02/2009

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I most definitely would not let it slide if she is telling your daughter these things. It is one thing to make comments and pass judgment on you, WHICH IS WRONG, but is even WORSE to be telling those things to a young impressionable mind who is supposed to grow, thrive, and learn everything by you and your husband!! I would let her know that what she is doing is helping her granddaughter to be prejudice and that is simply not acceptable!! I am a teacher and when I was teaching in one class I had a lil girl who was taught to be racist by her grandmother and she had no respect for anyone outside of her race and it was really sad and frustrating because we shouldn't be living like that!! Best of luck to you and hope this helped some!! I am just passionate about these things so please do not take anything I said as disrespect to anyone, lol!!

Rose - posted on 10/02/2009

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thats a hard one, i would let it slide, as you may need her later in life. turn to table a bit and ask her to help out with her up brining. like taking her one day a week? or helping you do food shopping. that way she is seen im public and may get a few looks herself. it wont take her long to stop saying things that hurt you. she may also not know that it hurts you when she says stuff like that so you could let her know how you feel

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