MOTHER IN LAWS!!!!

Jessica - posted on 07/10/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I have the mother in law from hell....everything i say she does the opposite. I feel like pushing her into the river and then laughing at her lol I know it awful but Mike doesnt support me in anything...for instance on forth of July we went to a boat yard with the baby for a bbq now keep in mind he was 8 weeks last week well I told mike to tell his mother that the baby is not to leave the netting we put over his stroller (BOAT YARD IMPLIES BUGS duh its on the water) well there is also this abandoned house on the property with cats lots of sick nasty wild cats and smells like cat piss its awful not very good for little kids....Well After i said the baby was to stay in the netting they poo pooed me off and said theres no bugs and just continues about their business with MY SON!!!!! Michael tells me all the time dont start with her I'll handle it I'll talk to her well nothing ever changed but our relatioship becasue the more we decide something and he changes his mind and leaves me out to hang the more I find myself wanting to smother him in his sleep lol I just dont know what to do shes very passive aggressive and constantly taking jabs at me but jabs that can be taken one way or another and Mike keeps saying oh she didnt mean it that way...Im at my witts end and Im going to leave Mike if it doesnt stop I'm just soooo over whelmed and dont know how to make jabs back at her without starting a screaming match between the 2 of us (which has happened on more than one occasion even before I had the baby) Shes just a controlling person...how can I live with this I dont know how anymore. We visit with the baby once a week at her house becasue she wants him at her house (WE FOUGHT LIKE CRAZY OVER THIS) becasue I dont feel that an infant should be packed up when your an able bodied adult who can just bring her self to our house but I bent once again and pack him up once a week to take him to visit her. Any advice will be greatly appreciated I could go on for hours with stores theres a whole library full of them (I could write a book, maybe that would relieve some stress HAHAH) Thanks for reading :)

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Felicia Neikolle - posted on 07/11/2009

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One thing you can rest assured that you NEVER have to feel badly for is taking care of YOUR child ... in this country ONLY the mothers rights to a child is absolute ... so you are right that you don't have to prove that you are his mother ... if she continues politely walk up and take your son back. If she tries to fight you on it look at her and say, "We can do this my way or we can do this the hard way - like me calling the cops on you for attempted kidnapping." That will let her know just how serious you are ... it will prolly piss her off too but after she's pissed you can go to her (w/o the baby in tow) and explain to her ... "When you had Mike, did your mil take him away as much as possible and do whatever she saw fit regardless of what you felt was best for your son?" If she says yes then you are in luck ... you can point out how that made her feel and that now she's doing the same thing to you ... if she says no then ask her how she thinks it woulda made her feel if she had. Good luck!! Hearing this and remembering my ex-mil makes me SOO thankful that my current mil loves me ... I never thought I would have that so it's really nice.

LISA - posted on 07/11/2009

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well about the once a week thing I gave into my husband too because I thought he was to young at that age but it never hurt him he did just fine so I'd let that one slide... but about the disrespectfulness she gives you 1) talk to your husband again and this time tell him that if doesn't fix it then you will talk to her yourself because you respect him by keeping your mouth shut he should respect you by backing you up
2) if you have to speak with her be calm and tell her that though you understand she is the grandparent that it really bugs you that they do the opposite of what you ask them to because he is your child and that what you ask of them is not that big of a deal and you would appreciate if she would pay attention and respect the wishes you have for your child... and if it continues that you'll quit bring him over and she can come and see him at your house where she should respect you because you give her the same at her home.
my husbands brother was disrespectful for me and when I told him I'd take care of it if he didn't trust me it was taken care of before I got my chance.
you are his wife and he is your husband ya'll are suppose to back each other and not allow either of your families to be rude to either of you...
me and my mom don't even speak partly because of the way she treated my husband...be sure to let him know that if it doesn't change and ya'll don't stand as a family that it may change the way you feel for him... because you expected that when ya'll got married that it was about you two not you two and his mother making what should be ya'll's decision... good luck... i hope this helps you

Taryn - posted on 07/11/2009

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i have the mil from hell shes an alcoholic and she completely nuts she leaves all these message saying how ive stolen her son etc let alone she has 10 kiddies lol... i hate her with every inch of my body and i would be quite happy if she fell in a river as well lol

i have often thought i would rather not be with my fiance sometimes because of her... but im trying to not let that happen because i think then the old cow wins and i would never let that happen lol she has tried to punch me she has spat at me and abused me......i also wish u just got the partner u thought u were getting and not there bloody family as well lol

Emma - posted on 07/11/2009

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I dont have a mother in law from hell as both my husbands pearents are deciced.

But i have the sister in law from hell. I have never hated anyone intill her.

She has bi poler and uses this as an excuse for everything, I was seriously concidering leaving my husband when i was preg with my first child. due to her. She is a constent flash point. I gave my husband an ultamatim, that he had to but boundries in place or else. I have rules regarding her she is not welcome in our house, we will only meet in public places, for not longer than an hour, and she is not aloud to be alone with our children, she can not see them unless i am present. and she is excluded from any special events such as birthdays ect. Exstream you might think, but she has caused so much trouble, i would'nt know where to start to exsplain. Most of this happened with in the first six months of our marraige, we are still together and it will be 4 years in Feb.

I wish sometimes that when we marry you only get the person you love not the baggage that comes with them.

Jessica - posted on 07/11/2009

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Im sorry to hear about your father in law and the miscarriage thats an awful feeling I have been there and no the pain of loosing a baby but GOD has blessed your family with this miracle baby not your father in-law.(I am not a very religious person but i believe that god intrusts us with these little lives no one else.) I too believe in reincarnation but thats a little creepy what shes telling people I hope your not naming the baby after his father that will make her loose her mind lol I thought my mother in-law was close but DAMN! lol Same building thats a little crazy I am trying to move to PA from NJ just so I can get a little distance from his mom sometimes that helps. I mean Mike couldnt go to the college he wanted to go to out west because his mommy said no it wasnt necessary to go that far. We were 22 when I had a job up North NJ 2 hours each way I was driving we were gonna move half way so that he would drive an hr I would drive an hr and she said why should you have to move bc she chose to work so far away LIKE WTF are you kidding me hes mine now not yours! Shes a wacka doodle lol So needless to say I gave again and quit my job THAT I LOVED to be with him and keep everyone happy but me. But I'm no longer doing that I have a family to think of so He has finally agreed to move away so sa soon as I can Im outta here it seems a little extreme to move out of state but she will realize that im serious and that so is he. So I hope everything works out.



You kind of sound like my mother lol I mean about taking the baby back from her. She said It shouldnt have been a discussion I should have walked over to Linda and taken the baby and put him where I wanted him and I would have trust me we have had it out so many times but what do I do Do i ruin my relationship with my husband by fighting with his mother? Or do I say what I want and make up fight either way?!?!? I just dont know what to do either way Mike and I fight becasue he's always telling me dont say anything to her dont start with her, so I dont and I swallow my pride b/c I will not lt her know that we fight about her so I put on a smile (A VERY VERY FAKE smile I might add) and then once we get home I just freak.



As for the visiting I dont have a choice b/c if i dont go he will just take the baby over there himself and like everyone has told me I cant really stop him hes Hunters Father who the heck am I to say NO you cant take him there. Im just his mother what is that lol And she raised 2 kids before I started raising one what does she want a cookie?!?! Her daughter has a drug problem and hangs with the wrong crowd we have called the cops on he numerous times b/c his siter will attack his mother and its not a good scene but she did it right...RIGHT! I keep telling her I dont want her advice when I do I'll ask dont just give it. Hense why I'm here I need an un-biased opinion and actaully ask for it as opposed to it just being stuffed down my throat



Good luck in child birth its amazing Its so nice to match a face with the little kicks :)

Josephine - posted on 07/10/2009

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My fatheri in law passed away in Feb and the week he passed I found out I was already 7 weeks pregos, the same week he passed. Now my mother in law tells people that (after finally being pregos after 5 years of being married and 1 miscarriage) that he blessed us with this baby and since i am having a boy its her husband that is in my belly!!!! I hate it when i hear that, I don't think thats normal and i think people think shes crazy. I do believe in reincarnation but before he passed, I was already pregos........ I live the life of Everybody loves Raymond and I so understand what your going through with your husband taking his moms side and your being the bad person. I too am trying to figure out how to fix this problem and I live in the same building as her!!!!! I want to move and he doesn't and ever since I have been pregos, all i have experienced was drama, upset all the time and stressed. I always have the concern about her doing something opposite i tell her not to the same as your mother in law and now i see she might just end up doing whatever she wants since "she has raised 3 kids and they turned out ok" uuggggg!!!!!!
Stop making her win and if you don't feel like going every week, then don't and if you see her doing something after you told her not to, take the baby away from her. I let to many things slide and people walk over me and now im fed up with it and they are not happy. I am trying to learn not to care because its me and my baby that I have to worry about.
Good luck and PLEASE let me know how things go!!!!

Jessica - posted on 07/10/2009

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Sorry for the double posting my computer got messed up lol and said it wasnt posted :)

Jessica - posted on 07/10/2009

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Thanks girls...that was really helpful. Im just at the end of my rope Im just tired of my rope I'm sick of freaking out and looking the a lunatic when I dont feel I'm wrong!! Hes my son. I mean its an even harder pill to swallow b/c she is only 3 blocks up and 6 blocks over so once a week I find myself getting bitter at the fact im pack my infant up (which we all know isnt an easy or quick thing to do) to take him up the street to see people who are just lazy...I mean Linda and I have duked it our many a time on things like this especially before he was born. We were over there tonight and shes holding the baby over her head and moving him all around when mike told her not to that he just ate she said its ok I dont mind him throwing up I wanted to freak out b/c he just dropped it and I wanted to say maybe you didnt hear him he said stop it and just like mike said the baby threw up on her!!! Then he started to cry b/c then he had an upset belly from be thrown around. She also complains about the short amt of time were there. WELL WE LIVE RIGHT UP THE STREET STOP THE HECK BY...but she doesnt want to. I have told her on NUMEROUS occasions how I feel and nothing changes. She tells me you used to be a nice girl and I told her well you used to be sane HAHAHA She also came up to me today and said are you buing formula thsi week? NO IM GONNA STARVE MY SON what the hell kinda question is that well she then turns around and hands me $40 and says go bu him formula I was like whatever....Mike and I keep fighting over it and all I can say to him mis look here I dont have to prove im his mother I was there I carried him your the one who has to prove your his father (HE MOST CERTAINLY IS HAHAH but you get the point of my argument.) I Mean she has gone as low as to talk about me at my own baby shower. Like my family is around you didnt think they would hear ya?!? lol Well then my mom had to go momma bear on her and tell her all about herself, my mom used to defend herto me and say you know its his mother shes not going anywhere you knew how she was before you got into this but she then had to tell her OK you talked about my kid in my house HAHAHA. I guess its just hard b/c My family never questions anything I say or do they acknowledge hes my son and keep their mouthes shut which is how it should be if you ask me lol Sorry to talk your ear off it just feels so good to talk to unbiased people away from the situation. Maybe im wrong maybe im right Im here to find out so far I'm right lol

Jessica - posted on 07/10/2009

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I hope your wrong too but let me tell you its even more frustrating when they literally live 3 blocks up and 6 over its not like a far hike!!!!!! Our familes are so different that my mother NEVER second guesses me whatever I say goes there is no debate and I keep telling Mike that if he continues to take his mommy's side he can go be with her and he tells me hes sorry and he'll take care of it but it never seems to get better until I absolutely freak out and loose my mind then they all look at me like Im a looney toon and say well shes just crazy HAHAH But I have to be if hes not going to stand up and protect his family than I will. His mom and my mom have even gotten into it becasue my mom used to say be patient things will get better its his mother shes not going away you knew this when you got into it blah blah blaj but then his mom talked about me at my own Baby shower in MY MOTHERS HOUSE!!! so then my mom had to protect her family and went into mama bear mode and told Linda (close to Lesa lol) all about herself! Like how pathetic can you be!?!?!? I just feel like Im Hunter's mother and what I say should be law. And as awful as it sounds I tell mike all the time I dont have to prove im his mother you have to prove your his father and keep it up LOL he is most def his father but you getthe point of the threat HAHAH Im at my witts end and I just dont know what to do anymore....

Meagan - posted on 07/10/2009

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I know how you feel, I felt the same way but finally confronted my mother in law and told her what I thought. I wasn't really rude, but told her how I felt. Things have improved a lot since then but aren't perfect. so my advice would be to explain to her it is your child and not hers. Let her give you advice, but let her know you are going to do what you want. good luck.

Felicia Neikolle - posted on 07/10/2009

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OMG ... is her name Lesa? lol ... My ex-mother-in-law was just like this too. I learned a couple valuable lessons in that experience ... the first, NEVER let someone who doesn't live with me or wear a ring that was attached to ceremony involving "I do" tell me how to raise my kid (whether it's which doctor is best or the baby can come out of the netting b/c there's no bugs) and the second, a man who will side with his mom (especially when she doesn't live in the house) over his wife will NEVER be there to the capacity required for his family. I'm sorry ... it really sucks. If he won't do it now when the baby is still just that a baby ... he'll NEVER do it. I agree with you too on they should be coming to visit y'all ... my exes would pass my house twice a day every day and still complain they never got to see the kids b/c we didn't come out there every week. I really hope it gets better for you and he proves me wrong ... there is, after all, an exception to every rule.

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