Mother inlaw trouble i need help.

Kaye - posted on 09/05/2009 ( 148 moms have responded )

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Ok the last time my mother inlaw saw my son was on the fourth of july so i took him down there the first of august but something happened she went crazy and was holding my son squeezing him and running at me with him hitting me and told me to leave well i said ok and give me my son she told me no she was keeping him from me. well my sister finally got him and gave him to me and i wanted to go get his carset out of her house and she told me no and she came at me with my son in my hands. Every since that happened i have not talked to her and she has not tried to call and say she is sorry. I guess im asking if it was you how long would you wait until you go back down there or let her see your son again im just scared she will do it again. Please help.

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Leslie - posted on 09/06/2009

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It sounds like your husband might be in a little denial. Has he ever said anything about his mom treating him strangely as a kid? My mom and I have had a rough relationship and because she's my mom and I love her I often just don't notice some of her strange behavior and it takes my husband talking to me about it for me to see that it's not normal. I'm also the one who's mother has the seizure disorder. I've grown up not questioning a lot of my mom's "bad" behavior or trying to explain it away, maybe your husband has some of the same hang ups?

Samantha - posted on 09/06/2009

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Are you nuts, I can't believe your considering taking him back over there. I don't know what country your in or state, but here in NY grandparents have no right over a grandchild unless given in writing by the parent or due to the childs endangerment - court ordered. What im trying to say is that by law your mother in law, CAN NOT take your child away, and even though your not explaining why she went crazy, a lot of mother in laws tend to be that way, especially if their sons are mama's boys. So be careful, but don't be naiive... If you love your child you'd keep him away from her until this is resolved... and wheres your husband to all this anyway?

Aimee - posted on 09/05/2009

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I have to agree with the posts saying not to go back. Not only does she sound irrational, but she put you and your child in danger. She obviously holds no reguards to having done so, if she has not contacted you. I would not want to put myself or my child/children through having to deal with that situation again.

Megan - posted on 09/05/2009

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I have similar problems with my mother in-law. I don't trust her with my child and I don't like the way I am treated my her. Whatever your gut is telling you is the right decision for you and your child. I choose not to entertain crazy. My son is almost 16 months and has very little contact with her. We always meet in public places and keep a timed schedule of activities that day. You don't want your son to think that is normal behavior. Don't let her set the rules this is YOUR family and YOUR child.

Alicia - posted on 09/05/2009

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If I were you I would not let my mother in law see my child not if she is going to act like a crazy person with him around. Or if you do want them to see one another then meet at a public place. Where if she does make a sceen you will have help.

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Amanda - posted on 09/18/2009

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uummm yea she prolly would never see me or my son again!! my hubbys mom went crazy on me once before we got married... 3 yrs ago and i never forgave her for it she never apoligized so we see eachother but we dont really talk to much and i def. dont trust her alone with my baby!! but yea that woman needs help and i personally would never go there again until she apoligized and maybe got some mental help. my hubbys mom did after she attacked me.. lol thats the only reason i see her now.. she knows she was wrong and shes sorry but she will never say it!!

Kayla - posted on 09/12/2009

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Your child comes first always. I haven't let my own mother see my daughter because of how abusive she is and was with me. No child should ever be put in that situation and the only way she could possibly get better is if she were to get help and even then I would never be able to fully trust her. In the end you have to do what is right for you. If you want her to be a part of her grandson's life I would recommend public places with lots of people around.

User - posted on 09/12/2009

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I have a crazy mother in law myself. She calls us at all hours of the night and tells my husband horrible things. I think that my sole responsability as a parent is to protect my child. Make sure that he is happy,healthy and safe. So I don't let her see him ever. If she is able to straighten herself out then maybe one day she can be part of his life but not now. I think this is a decision that you will just have to make for yourself. When you feel that it is safe. Try meeting her in public first. I thought that I would feel guilty about keeping my son away from his grandmother but I honestly dont. I think he is better off without her.

Becky - posted on 09/12/2009

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Well I personally would have called the police if she was hitting you especially with your son in your arms. I dont know that I would talk to her again or ever let her see your son since she has demonstrated violence to you. What happens when she has him and your not around? does she go ballistic and hit him too?? Its all about your childs safety at this point.

Chicky - posted on 09/12/2009

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has she ever done anything like that before? mabye she has a problem, health wise. i dont think any mother in law would attempt to hurt any child on purpose. mabye you tho. lol :D moms seem to be very protective and you will just have to talk to your husband and mabye decicde what is best for you and your child. i would deffentaly not put you child in that postion again. mabye you should call and talk to her, when you have some time to do it with out distactions.

Erika - posted on 09/12/2009

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If that was me in your situation I would not go back down to your mother-in-laws! If she wants to see your son I would set up a meeting in a public place. Where I live we also have what is called a visitation house. At this house they have trained employees that monitor the visitation and let me tell you...they don't play any games! At the first sign of your mother-in-law getting nasty they would make her leave and make sure you and your son was safe! Good luck!

Jessica - posted on 09/12/2009

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darling all i can say, if that happened to me i wouldnt go back there until she seeked help, you dont not deserve that and she had no right what so ever to do that!

Tina - posted on 09/11/2009

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WOW, that sounds like what I sorta went through. What I did for the safety of my child was, I washed my hands with that family member. Its not easy, but do it for the safey of your son and never second guess it. I havent talked to that member for going on three years and I think it was the best decision I have ever made because you never come in between a mother and their child.. Best of luck...

Lindsay - posted on 09/11/2009

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OMG!!! If I were you, there is no way I would take my child there again. Not unless you had backup or something with you. I would probably go there without your son first just to talk and then if she acts cool, then i would say it would be ok

Ashley - posted on 09/11/2009

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That's crazy. No way would I let her see your son, not for a great while atleast. She needs to call you and explain why she did what she did and say she's sorry. If she dosn't it would seem that she dosnt really care and you don't need to go through that again.

Melissa - posted on 09/11/2009

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Wow..have you talked to your {husband} about what she did?? What did he say? Personally if it was me I would be totally freaked out and would never let her see him again. Noone needs that kind of crazy in their life, no matter what relation they are. Best of luck hun! :)

Nadine - posted on 09/11/2009

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ok I have a crazy mother in law too and I know that if she didnt like how i was raising our daughter she would complain to my husband which she has done and I think if something ever happened to my husband would try to take her from me. I cant believe your husband took her side. She was hitting you and holding your son at the same time. Hitting you was bad enough and should have had something said to her by him anyway but holding your son at the time should have been leaving right then. Also why did he allow his mother to say she wasnt giving your son back if it had been me I would have callled the cops then and there and had them come out. Why did your sister have to get hime back and not your husband and why hasnt your husband gotten your car seat back. I would have a talk with the husband and let him know that this whole situation was not cool and you will not put up with it and that until he takes care of it and stops taking her side and she apologizes he is not going back over there. If anything only allow her to see him at your house with your husband present so it either wont happen again because hes there or he will see it for himself and wake him up to who his mother really is and how dangerous that behavior is to you and your son.

Nicole - posted on 09/11/2009

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In my opinion, don't go back there alone, if at all. Bring reinforcements in case something like that should happen again. And don't let him out of your sight, not even for a moment.

Christine - posted on 09/11/2009

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I would not take my child back to some on acting so irrationally. Whatever her problem is, she shouldn;t be doing in front of a child!

Anna - posted on 09/11/2009

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Ok if it were me, I would go back to her house without the baby. If you don't try to figure out what was happening then it will eat at you and she might feel like she has "won". Which no one needs to win. you both need to come to a nuetral ground. But putting the baby back in that environment is not healthy. If you and her can't get along then there are 2 things that make it safer for the baby. One act as though you get along around the baby(both of you) or Two just don't go near her. I hope that helps.

Shelsea - posted on 09/11/2009

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let her make the atempt to say sorry or even come see your son! you have to worry about your son first and if she is doing those things while you and she are holding him she doesnt sound too stable. plus if a situation like that happens again you can always make her leave or call the police and you wont be stranded without a carseat

Bonnie - posted on 09/11/2009

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hi chik i just wanted to know how u have gone wihth deciding wether or not to let her see him again ... but im gonna makes this short and sweet ... NO WAY would u let her ! she could get worst and she obviously doesnt care about the saftey of YOUR son that u gave birth to !

Sabrina - posted on 09/10/2009

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Im going through something kinda like your situation,,,my husband and I dont like people including family to kiss Cali on the face, well she is 13mos old now and his grama is the only one who doesnt respect what we say, we have had many issues with her and its now at the point, where is isnt getting to see her until she changes, which will never happen. Its sad to say she will miss out but at the same time we have to proteact our daughter as a unit.



I honestly wouldnt take him back there, he could end up hurt or even worse she could try and flea with him. He is your son and if she wants to see him you need to make sure you have protection for yourself and him while she is visiting if she comes back around, ask your dad, a brother, or a guy friend to stay the entire time and if you dont like the ways things are going get your son back. Remember you have to think what is best for you and him. Good luck!

Brooke - posted on 09/10/2009

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I dont think there is any reason to sit around and wait for an apology!!!! IF & When you get it, it wont mean anything! If you allow this to continue then you are putting your child in danger!!!! No mother wants that, but if Childrens services get called you stand to lose custody!!! If your man doesnt stand by you then walk away!!! I know it is easier said than done, but i've been in the same situation, but, my (ex) mother in law poisened my son!!! Walk away your child will grow up healthier and happier!!!!

Carolina - posted on 09/10/2009

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Okay i have had my problems too my mother-in-law doesnt really bother to see my kids and we live 5 mins away so i dont bother to bring them to her. If i was you i wouldnt take your son to her again. Your son comes first so there is no point.

Rachel - posted on 09/10/2009

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your son does not need someone so unstable in his life, grandmother or not. those situations could effect him in the future

Regina - posted on 09/10/2009

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If she is so lucky as to see her grandson again, it would most certainly be in a public place with lots of people around! Wait as long as you want, this is your child, not hers!

Jen - posted on 09/10/2009

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The best advice I got when I got married was that we were making a new family and that has to come first. If I was to have problems with my mother in law, it was my husbands responsibility to stand up for me. I agree that you shouldn't take your child around your mother in law, even if she does apologize (unless you feel 100% that it will not happen again) I am very concerned for you about your husbands behaviour. He has obviously had problems in his relationships before and it doesn't sound like he's learned much from that. I hope that if he mistreats you that you can be strong enough to get yourself out of the situation. Take care of yourself and that little man of yours.

Michelle - posted on 09/10/2009

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I would call her and ask why she did that and why she would try to hurt you with your son right there to see it all. If she can give you a good enough reason and say sorry I might. Im not sure the situation though so I can say specificlly what you should do. I am sorry you had to go threw that. No child should see that ever!!!

Lisa - posted on 09/10/2009

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I would never see her agian. There is boviously something very wrong with her if she is willing to hurt her grandchild by squeezing him and if she threatens to kidnap him from you. I would say she is a danger to you and your child and wouldnot bring your son down there again. If you do there could be crazy consequences. If she was just yelling, I would give you different advice. But because she got physically violent, I would be very very scared she would try this again.

Amber - posted on 09/10/2009

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For the safety of your child,she does not need to be around the child.She has issues and needs some help.

Melissa - posted on 09/10/2009

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That is totally uncalled for! Do not let her see your child till she can act like a sane adult. You dont owe her a thing, so dont feel bad. She is only hurting herself here. When she is ready to see yall and calm she will call, and when she does dont rush to see her. Ask her about her actions and tell her you will not allow your child to witness all that. GOOD LUCK!

Jolene - posted on 09/10/2009

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Uhm, is she ok mentally? Regardless of the reason though, I would NOT go back there and I would not attempt to contact her. If she wants to see your son again you should only consider meeting in a public place like going for lunch or something.

Alison - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting julissa:



Wow, mother in laws just don't seem to know there boundries!!!! I'm waiting for mine to do something like that so I have an excuse not to see her. 






AHAHAHA thats what I was going to say....Mother in Laws...cant live with them, cant kill them....I say dont let her see your child your life will be better without a mother in law to deal with..... It saddens me though to think that one day I will be a mother in law myself...

Jenna - posted on 09/10/2009

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Im having some what of the same problem but I havent had my son yet my mother in law came at me drunk while I was pregnant screaming in my face to the point where her nose was touching mine swinging things in my face calling me a c*nt and I wont talk to her at all she has yet to ask me or her son how the baby is or if im okay when he called to tell her he was having a boy all she said was okay now I know way to much of what happend to him as a child with her and I will not let her near my son alone!! or even with just him because shes "god" in his eyes and when she drinks which is all the time she turns into a whole nother person I personally do not think you should let her see him at all because next time it might not end that way

Julissa - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting Kaye:

Mother inlaw trouble i need help.

Ok the last time my mother inlaw saw my son was on the fourth of july so i took him down there the first of august but something happened she went crazy and was holding my son squeezing him and running at me with him hitting me and told me to leave well i said ok and give me my son she told me no she was keeping him from me. well my sister finally got him and gave him to me and i wanted to go get his carset out of her house and she told me no and she came at me with my son in my hands. Every since that happened i have not talked to her and she has not tried to call and say she is sorry. I guess im asking if it was you how long would you wait until you go back down there or let her see your son again im just scared she will do it again. Please help.


Wow, mother in laws just don't seem to know there boundries!!!! I'm waiting for mine to do something like that so I have an excuse not to see her.  I'm still waiting for her & her husband to give me an apology from 2 1/2 yrs ago for something they did!  Not holding my breathe but until I get one it won't be easy for them to be around my sons.  You need to put that lady in her place, you're the mom & she has no room to screw up or do things like that.  If you do decide to call tell her how things are going to be or you just won't bring your son around her or any other kids in the future. She would be a bad influence you could say.....

Julissa - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting Kaye:

Mother inlaw trouble i need help.

Ok the last time my mother inlaw saw my son was on the fourth of july so i took him down there the first of august but something happened she went crazy and was holding my son squeezing him and running at me with him hitting me and told me to leave well i said ok and give me my son she told me no she was keeping him from me. well my sister finally got him and gave him to me and i wanted to go get his carset out of her house and she told me no and she came at me with my son in my hands. Every since that happened i have not talked to her and she has not tried to call and say she is sorry. I guess im asking if it was you how long would you wait until you go back down there or let her see your son again im just scared she will do it again. Please help.


Wow, mother in laws just don't seem to know there boundries!!!! I'm waiting for mine to do something like that so I have an excuse not to see her.  I'm still waiting for her & her husband to give me an apology from 2 1/2 yrs ago for something they did!  Not holding my breathe but until I get one it won't be easy for them to be around my sons.  You need to put that lady in her place, you're the mom & she has no room to screw up or do things like that.  If you do decide to call tell her how things are going to be or you just won't bring your son around her or any other kids in the future. She would be a bad influence you could say.....

[deleted account]

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO, THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, if she did it one time, she WILL eventually do it again, i know this from experience, not EXACTLY the same situation, but almost, dont call her, let her call you, and if she wants to see him, DO IT IN PUBLIC, dont give her a heads up, if you are in public it IS kidnapping if she wont give him back, and if she hits you there are probably going to be witnesses, stand your ground, please!!!

[deleted account]

i believe she is nuts i say never go around her again let me ask you this would you give a man another day or time if he ever hit you or your child i dont think so he would be sitting in jail dont care who he is so thats how it should be with her dont care who she is anyone who hits once will hit again listen to me from experience she is a nut case she should have never gone after you with your son in your arms or her arms you never put a child in any danger

[deleted account]

OMG that would have been scary!, I personally would not take my child back for safety reasons as you have said she came at you whilst holding your son, she cant care to much given she did not worry about your sons safety or even behaving in that manner in front of him. If you do choose to keep the in law in your life I think you need to make it clear that you are the mother and what you say goes, if she can not except that then she has made it impossible for you to let her be apart of your families life, also maybe you could suggest a medical evaluation of her mental state to get to the bottom of this odd behavior because whats to say it doesn't happen again if you go back, maybe the outcome could be worse, us mums prioty is to have a safe and loving environment so whatever you decide I am sure you will do what is best for your family . Best of luck Kaye I really feel for you. x

Kelly-Marié - posted on 09/10/2009

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Lets face it you obviously want the best for your son. And at this moment you need to think about him first. If it were my son my mother-in-law would never see him again. You should not feel guilty of obligated for him to know his grandmother. In my opinion if a grandmother can act like that in front of him she is not worth being called a grandmother. She should have also had his interest first to what she might be feeling. Don't let this bug you too much. Let her contact you first. You have enough to worry about raising a child then keeping the peace. Good luck.

Melanie - posted on 09/09/2009

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I am so sorry that this has happened to you! I wouldn't let her see your son unsupervised... Meaning she will have to come to where you are. If she wont then she wont but when she's ready don't keep your child from her... Let her have that visit, just not unsupervised.... I'm real big about kids knowing there grandparents but with this lady as a grandmother I may think twice (hehe)

good luck

Mel

Shemika - posted on 09/09/2009

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In my book grandparents have priveledges, not rights to a child, I would not let my child anywhere near someone who would freak out and put my child in danger , much less someone who told me they were " keeping "my child. We don't know the whole story of course but as the story is told here sounds like granny needs some mental help.

Shelly - posted on 09/09/2009

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I had a VERY similar situation with my grandmother-in-law. Don't let 'grandmother' fool you - she's very lively! For me, I just drew the line and said 'no more'. She needed to apologize and if anything like that happened ever again, she wouldn't ever see her granddaughters again. My husband was very supportive and that made a BIG difference. I would not allow your mother-in-law to babysit or be left alone with him again for a while, but I can be a serious Mama Bear. =) At the end of the day, family is family. She'll shape up to see her grand-baby!

[deleted account]

I wouldn't. EVER!! Have you talked to your husband about it?? What's his opinion on the incident?

Crystal - posted on 09/09/2009

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Well my mother in law is psycho...but I can't say when you should let yours see your son again. Mine has never seen my son. I refuse. She tried to cause problems for me and my husband since before we were even married, it go so bad after we got married that when she found out I was pregnant she told everyone the only reason her son married me is because I was pregnant (I didn't become pregnant until 4 months after we were married) and she also told everyone he didn't want anything to do with his son, he just didn't know how to leave me (NOT true). If my mother in law had ever had the privilege of meeting my son and had done what yours did, I wouldn't ever let her see him again, but that's just me. You need to do whats best for your son and your family...

Megan - posted on 09/09/2009

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She might be bipolar so I would not take your son down there until she has been seen by a professional. You also need to make that clear to your husband that way he can try and get her some help so you guys can be a fmaily. Its important for a child to see his grandparents but not if the grandmother is a danger to him or others.

Susanna - posted on 09/09/2009

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hiya!

i wouldnt go down again until i was given some sort of explanation as to why that happened and then given an apology too! sounds very odd and u deserve to know why!

x

Lauren - posted on 09/09/2009

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I am pregnant at the moment! and my mother in law is being a pain in the arse too! i understand how u feel since my partner told her im expecting she has not asked how i am or how we feel about it! or even mentioned anything about it! i showed her the digital test that we did, to confirm the pregnancy and the midwife pregnancy notes! she said she is not interested in them, shewants a scan! i feel as if she doesnt believe i am pregnant! she is doubting me! she had been rude to me ignoring everything i say about the baby, i have even tried to tell her when our first scan is but she doesnt seem interested! And if i were you hun, i would never take your child/children back to her again! what if next time she does some actual harm to you or your child!?? That environment is not suitable for a child, remember kids pick up on the tension bad feelings, negativity towards them/ there parents. i wouldnt go back there even if she had apologized! maybe she feels you are not good enough! some parents think they know everything about there children! i.e what is and who is best for there son/daughter, maybe she feels threatend by the relationship you and your children have! maybe she didnt have that with her children! i wouldnt go round there its not good for you or your kids! mums dont need the stress of the family in laws! i know i certainly dont!!!! good luck hun xxx

Marguarett - posted on 09/09/2009

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ummm I wouldn't let her any where near you or the kid. just my opinion anyways. Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 09/09/2009

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First of all, I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. If it was me, I wouldn't go back. I would let her make the first step in contacting you. Then, I'd only let her see my child only at my house, under my terms. That way, should she try to hit me again, I can call the police. I know that's not what you want to do, since you didn't mention you contacted the police the first time she hit you. Until she can prove to you that she's "normal" again, I wouldn't let her alone with your child. This is proof that she does not make good decisions. If she is going to do all of that stuff with the baby in her arms, imagine what she is doing when this bull is not happening. Lastly, all you can do is pray for her. Her drama is out of your hands, only God can save her.

Amanda - posted on 09/09/2009

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NEVER! My sister's boyfriend did something of the same sort, he was hitting her while she was holding their son and he accidentally hit the baby! Needless to say she not with him anymore but she filed charges against him as well as you should. That stuff can't be taken lightly otherwise you'll end up in the same position as I was. My daughter's paternal Grandmother abused her. You can't let people do things like that to your child, family or not! You're the one who is responsible to protect her and she should respect you for doing so.

Cassaundra - posted on 09/09/2009

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it depends on her reason for doing this... if she did this just because she wanted to keep your son from you then i probably would wait til she apologized for her actions

Mica - posted on 09/09/2009

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honestly hun, shes made her own bed now she must lie in it.......

what happends the inlaw has done some damage to your son whilst squeezing him and running at you????

what happends next time if your sister cant get him back??? personaly if it was me i wouldnt go any where near the inlaw coz next time it could b worse.

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