my 3 yr old is too clingy

Megan - posted on 12/27/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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i have a 3 yr old daughter who wont even let me go to the toilet without having to come with me!!!
she cries if i tell her to wait outside!
does anyone know a way to stop her clingyness!!!! i just need to beable to have 5 mins to myself so if anyway has some pointers they would be greatly accepted!!!!

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Tiffany - posted on 08/25/2012

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I am a single mother of a three year old boy. He has hit a stage in which he wants his mom constantly and will do anything to grab attention. At first I thought of stragetgies to deal with his clingy activity. I was aggrivated because I couldnt sit down without him climbing on me and grabbing at my face. He would say mom I need to talk to you or say I need a hug or a kiss. At first it was beautiful and I love every minute of his attention and then it got out of control I couldnt walk across the room without his feet in sink with mine. Cooking and cleaning became a struggle to get done without a battle of some sort about something he wanted or doing things to just grab attention. He would grab something he wasn't allowed to have and run for dear life ...kinda like a game...I tried all kinds of things ....First I started spending more time with him because I am a college student and work..so figure it was my fault ...guilt myself ofcourse..that didnt cut it...he became more clingy..then I tried reranging his room to make it more kid friendly because it was arranged for the safety of a baby so maybe it was time for some change...nothing...I started letting other people watch him in effort to seperate him for small periods in hope this would give him the time to realize I was always close by....nope didnt work but he got better...mostly family by the way....His dad step in to help as well because we were seperated and nothing he was right by my side...not only was he clingy he wasnt want to go to sleep anymore in his room and would play for an hour some times longer in bed at night before resting...rolling back and forth like crazy and talking...I consulted with the doctor on the sleeping issue where he suggested bendaryl at night...well no I m not..then he suggested a more natural suggestion of melatonin...i was really reluctant to do this because it didnt seem like answer just a cover but I gave it shot..The sleep came easier but the clingy was still there....I start to realize something that I had never thought of so....I bought him a t.v. for his room in thoughts that he might be more apt to go there and play if he had something to do when he got restless...nothing...by the way at this time he was not taking any naps during the day time so he was really cranky ....so I decided this was all his way of tell me something was bothering him...so I sat out on a quest to figure out what ....My first instinct was naps...I had to get him doing it again...so I gave him a melatonin and he fell fast asleep and woke up refresh...and no clinging...hummmm....Then it all kinda fell right into place he started taking naps on the couch ...soon in his bed....then some nights he would falll asleep watching cartoons in his bed...I seen a complete change in his attitude and listening skills in a weeks time..He was more active and would play well on his own...Then he looked at me one day said mommy mouth hurts...There it was he was cutting all four of his back teeth all at once...the answer...he was in pain. It wasnt just that he was clingy like baby...but he was still a baby...all he knew was what he was use to doing crying when something hurt him.....or was bothering him..prior to learning to speak he only knew they way he had got my attention before when something was hurting him and was by trying for my attetion...so....My best advice to you as mom's are remeber in there mind they are still transforming from babies to toddlers ....they like us are constantly learning ...new things and ways to get our attention ...no matter the reason...they are just babies...and this to will pass...but be sure not to over look clingy ...to maybe being something more going on there...as for the toilet...I just gave something to do while I use the bathroom like bringing his cars with him ...same with the shower ..when I shower he plays in the floor...but again clingy and acting out are usually a sure sign of something wrong and I m cranky..

Carly - posted on 12/28/2009

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I know it seems like a right royal pain in the backside but I'd lap all the attention up now, give her a few years and she'll be slamming doors in your face telling you to go away! They're only kids for a short while.. :)

Jem - posted on 12/27/2009

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hi, is there a particular activity she really likes doing? if so encourage her to do that while you do something else. You do need to support her for it to work... first of all do the activity with her and when she has fully engaged in it you stop doing it but stay with her. Next time start doing the activity with her and when she has engaged in it, stop and move slightly away, but stay close, gradually you'll be able to increase the space so that you'll be able to leave the room and get something else done. Remember to give lots of praise for playing on her own, maybe even use a sticker/ reward chart so she has some visual sign of how well she's doing.



I have also tried playing hide and seek with my kids, first of all I would hide a toy and we would find it together and then slowly I was able to get my kids to hide and I would go find them - I found this particularly useful for toilet breaks, I would count out loud from the toilet and go find them once I had done.



Good luck and hope you find something that works for you and your duaghter

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