My 4yr old is out of control! Help!!

Jessica - posted on 08/21/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My 4yr old daughter is totally out of control! Lately it seems like she's getting testier than ever! If i tell her to clean her room she pouts or throws a fit until until i've either told her about 5x's to do it or i finally end up yelling. It seems like whatever i tell her to do she either questions or argues with me about it. She's 4!! Its driving me nuts! Not only is she defiant, but she talks back and yells at me too! I feel so helpless because i feel like i can't even reprimand her cause she's daddy's little princess and her dad gets mad at me if i yell or spank her? It doesn't help that she knows that mommy and daddy are not on the same page when it comes to reprimanding her either. She knows she can go to dad and get away with almost anything. I need some advice before she gets any worse!

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Dametria - posted on 08/21/2009

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U SHOULD WATCH THE NANNY 911!! Everyone here will probably say exactly the same thing that they saw on her show anyway! The nanny says dont spank, make sure you and your husband are on the same page and time-outs galore! I myself personally, is all for the spanking (NOT ABUSE)!

Tammy - posted on 08/21/2009

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Well, I'd say the biggest problem is just like you've said - mom and dad aren't on the same page! She no doubt sees that and will exploit that weakness to the max - and it sounds like she already has! First thing to do is get on the same page with dad. Sit down with him for a heart to heart (without the child present of course) and explain to him that the discipline style differences between the two of you are causing you to lose credibility with her. When the 2 of you can present a united front, you'll better be able to tackle her behavior issues. Then have clear and consistent expectations and make sure she's aware of what the consequences are (making sure the consequences are realistic and something you can and WILL follow through on). Stay consistent and never back down.

Kylie - posted on 08/21/2009

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My 4 year old went through the same thing, she went form a lovely little 3 year old to a defiant 4 year old handful. I went to my doctor and she gave me this booklet on understanding and parenting 4 year olds. here is a link, its the first PDF on that page

Get set 4 life -healthy habits for kids. http://www.health.gov.au/internet/main/p...

Stay calm and consistent and set a few boundaries and stick to them there's no need to smack as children at this age they learn by watching their adult role models. It will get better my daughter is 4 and a half and shes come out of that stage already. Good Luck!

Tiffany - posted on 08/21/2009

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All talking is done at child's level - When you tell her to do something explain why she needs to do it. If she doesn't do it tell her again and that if she doesn't do it she will sit in time out. If she still doesn't do it don't say anything just put her in time out (a place where there is no fun (kitchen corner). DON'T TALK TO HER!!! If she gets up put her back repeatedly until she stays there for how ever many years old she is (4 = 4 min). When time is up, get down to her level and tell her why she had to sit in time out. That she needs to say that she is sorry and then tell her to do what you first asked her to do.

She is begging for attention... when she is being good & listening praise her for this. Not that she is a good girl but that what she is doing is good.

DAWN - posted on 08/21/2009

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Smack her on the ass. And make sure she knows that you mean business. tell dad to either bud out or fix the problem himself

Jana - posted on 08/21/2009

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I agree with Toni. A lot of your correction/discipline efforts will be for nothing if your husband is not on the same page as you. Try and talk to him and have him help with the correction.

Toni - posted on 08/21/2009

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i know exactly where u r! my 4 yr old daughter is exactly like this!!!! I'm reading the comments too. I have started time outs a while ago and do work to a degree but sometimes she just wont go, if i try to put her in her room she will kick out ect... I am finding that taking her toys away and rewarding her a toy back every couple of hours if shes behaved seems to work also. (i also have twin 18mnth olds to contend with) so I cant always use the toy method even though I think it works better for her!

Hope you sort things out soon! :-)

ps. Try to talk to your husband about the disipline lines you want to use and ask him to help you by sticking to them.

Jackie - posted on 08/21/2009

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Quoting Sherrie:

Try a time out chair. Put it in the corner of a room and tell her that she can't get up until she's ready to talk, not yell. Try making clean up fun for her instead of a chore, she might want to do it more often and fight less. If all else fails, you can be "a mean mommy" as my family says. I make it clear to my girls that if they cherish what they have that they wouldn't leave it on the floor. Take a garbage bag and put all of the toys that are on the floor in it and take them away, only giving them back after a few days or when things have settled. SAounds cruel, but I only had to "throw away" their things twice and now they know that after the third time I ask, it's going in the "garbage."


I did this with my 3 yr old and he said "garbage?? ok, bye bye toys" and threw them out himself. It wasn't funny then, but I can laugh about it now. This really didn't work with him lol :)

Jackie - posted on 08/21/2009

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time out :) i have a time out chair for my 3 year old and 16 month old. She knows how far to push you. Tell her ONCE, she doesn't do it, put her in time out for 4 mins. (1 min for each year). Don't yell, don't repeat yourself. Sometimes with my sons I count to 5 and if they dont' start to do what I tell them by then, it's time out. I like it also because if they are yelling or frustrated, it gives them a few minutes to chill out. Then I get down in front of them and explain to them why they are in time out. and what they need to do better next time. it's very repitious but eventually they will get it. and it's easier then everyone getting and frustrated. I hated when my son was like that and now it's only every once in a while that he gets really nasty.

Sherrie - posted on 08/21/2009

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Try a time out chair. Put it in the corner of a room and tell her that she can't get up until she's ready to talk, not yell. Try making clean up fun for her instead of a chore, she might want to do it more often and fight less. If all else fails, you can be "a mean mommy" as my family says. I make it clear to my girls that if they cherish what they have that they wouldn't leave it on the floor. Take a garbage bag and put all of the toys that are on the floor in it and take them away, only giving them back after a few days or when things have settled. SAounds cruel, but I only had to "throw away" their things twice and now they know that after the third time I ask, it's going in the "garbage."

Amanda - posted on 08/21/2009

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wow. Yeh I guess you are having a bad time. So i think time outs are wonderful Also when she is getting upset try to ask her about her feeling (sounds dumb i know) ex: you tell her to clean her room she screams and throws a fit say "whatever her name is, Why are you yelling? What made you mad at mommy? Ask her to put her hands on her head and have her take deep breaths." it helped with my daughter. Sounds lame but works. Identify why she is getting mad and why she has those feelings at that time.



Also. Make a time out rug or area but call it her SAFE place.

Tell her when shes throwing her fits to go to her safe place. After she goes. let her sit and calm down adn tell her when she is ready to listen to mommy she can come out.



Safe place should have a blanket, pillow, 1 stuffed animal and maybe two or three books. I know it seems you are rewarding her however she will realize she needs to calm herself down..





really hope i helped....

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