My 5 year old is driving me INSANE!

Heather - posted on 06/13/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right category or topic or whatever but please, someone give me some advice. I am at my wits end! My 5 year old daughter is a terror. Seriously! I guess I will start by saying I was a young mom. 15 when I had her in 2008 and her dad was very abusive/crazy etc. and I felt so lost and trapped that I knew the best thing for her was to let my grandmother take her until I could get my life straight. Finally when my daughter was 3 years old I was "ready" by this time I had already gotten engaged, had a nice house, a great job and a 3 month old daughter. I pictured my life being so perfect when I brought my oldest home. Boy was I WRONG. She came to my house and "ruined" my life ... trashing my house, digging things out of my fridge early in the morning and throwing/squirting them EVERYWHERE. She figured out the child lock on my cabinet and dumped a whole bottle of Windex into our fish tank (killing our entire saltwater community) she started pooping her pants on purpose (yes I took her to the doctor and nothing was wrong) she would pee in the toilet but poop her pants. She would throw toys at her 3 month old sister randomly and laugh. So I thought daycare would help. A few weeks after we enrolled her we thought we saw improvement. Nope. She started blurting out nasty inappropriate things like "let’s play sex" and “I want to kill you" or "I’ll stab everyone with knives" then she started trashing the house again. Finally, she did it. She drove my ex so insane that he dumped me and kicked us out. His exact words were “I hate her. I absolutely hate her. She’s the devil" I was so embarrassed and hurt because I couldn't understand why she was so bad. Well suddenly she started behaving. The next year was perfect and now, here we are AGAIN she's horrible! She's pooping her pants and throwing temper tantrums over the smallest things. She says very ugly things to people like "wow you're fat" or "aww don't look at my butt" Just totally rude and embarrassing things. I can't even take her in public because she will say inappropriate things to other kids about stabbing them or saying you're stupid or I'm going to poop on you. If I ask her nicely to behave she yells "doooyy doooy dooyyy" and makes funny faces as if she's trying to make me mad. I even lost my job because she Scared od 11 babysitters in 5 months by making comments like "shut up or I’ll punch you in the face" or "you want to kill me?'' and one time she even told my best friends son to not show his peepee to her ( which he didn't) and she just blurts this stuff out. When I try to introduce her to people she plays dumb like "uhhh what is my name?' "Are you stupid people?" "im Krista" and then she rambles on about made up stories about the cops chasing her or something else. I have tried EVERYTHING ... Sitting and talking with her about her actions and how they make me feel. Quality time just her and I. Playing all day long to wear her out. Doing crafts or other learning activities. Spanking when needed. Timeouts.Grounding.Taking things away etc etc etc NOTHING works. She's supposed to be starting school soon in a month or so and I am terrified of sending her because she acts out so badly. Her doctor said she is just being a normal 5 year old. Whatever. This isn't normal because I've never met a child like this. I am trying to do everything I can to be a good mom and she's making me feel like a failure. I just married an amazing guy a week ago and we are getting our first home together. I am so scared she will drive him away. I don't know what to do.

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Kim - posted on 06/13/2014

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well darling. let me start by saying.... it will be ok. jst breathe. .. im 27. I have 3 kids. ... ages 10/8/and 3........I have the boy 8yr old. whom has been acting out ...not exactly the same but nonetheless,, hes been lying and hitting/fighting... I took him to therapy and the therapist says its a behavior disorder caused by anxiety of not being with me... me n his dad share custody week on week off.... and even though he misses me. when he gets to my house.. he acts a fool!........my thoughts are this..... your child.. even though a youngster- she is very smart and has her own way to process information and does not have the intelect yet to explain her feelings.... I have experienced the pooping with the younger one when he senses me n his dad are on the outs... I think your daughter is fully aware you were not with her for a very long time. I understand you did this out of love and that was best for her... perhaps the bad language is something they said at your parents house.. where else whould she have heard it- or maybe tv?........ I suggest monitoring all tv shows shes been watching... keep her in daycare/prek.....and have her see a therapist who speciallises in earlychildhood development.... children know who their momns are and im sure she feels a deep disconnect with/. for you.... imagine if one day.. you were suddenly in a home wih people you weren't used to and all the suden theres a male rollmodel and new rules your expected to follow---... its a lot to ask of a child........... my advise is see a therapist.. you go with her. and it will help..... you need to rebuild a bond with her that is normally made in the 1st 1-2 yrs of life.... pray and take time out for her.. it will take time but it will work itself out . xxxxooo godbless.

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