My 5 year old son, acts like he doesn't like his Nana (my mom). Please Help!!

Stacey - posted on 08/28/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hi Everyone!

I would like to first start by saying thanks for any replies! This matter is very important to me and I would love to find a way to make it better!



I have 2 sons, Dylan who is 5 and Logan who is 2. Dylan has been acting up for a long time now with my mom, his nana. He doesnt do these kind of things to others. He will tell her he doesnt want her to touch anything of his, he doesnt like her house, he doesnt like going to her house, and that she stays at our house to long.



That is just a few things that he says to her, but some of the most hurtful ones to her. He doesnt do this with anyone else other than me sometimes. My mom is really good to my kids and is always there to help if we need it! This didnt start until my second son came along and his grandfather (his dads dad) passed away!



He caters to others and not to her, he leaves her out of everything! And I do not like that at all! I have told him in the last two days he will not go stay with anyone else until he can learn how to respect her! My mom has never done anything to him! So I dont know what else to do!



For instance yesterday he got a fundraiser book from school. I asked my mom if she would take it to work with her and see if any of her co-workers would want to buy something, as she was looking at the book he comes in and says "nanny your not suppose to touch that"! so right then by instinct i told him she was going to take it to work but now we wouldnt not let that happen and we would definitly not even try to sell anything out of it for his actions!



IF ANYONE CAN HELP ME WITH THIS I WOULD BE GREATLY APPRICIATED! I have asked him if he is mad at her for some reason and he says no and i asked him why he is like that to her and he just says i just am. he has no reason!



The other grandma (his dads mom) he caters to all the time! he would live with her if i would let him! he always wants to go to her house and do things with her! and im fine with that, but he is going to treat my mom with respect just as much as he does with anyone of us!! please help me!!

6 Comments

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Jennifer - posted on 08/28/2009

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my son likes going to my mother in law house which is right across the street but he does'nt like going to my moms!! i think it has to do with my mom in law being more close by and she gets to spend more time with him! and my son who is 5 by the way will tell my mom that he doesn't like her and she will grab him and hug and tell him she loves him and i was worried about it too but my mom said not to worry it just his way of getting her attention so my mom just keeps on with him so now he starting to warm up to her too i don't know it this helps or not!!

Justine - posted on 08/28/2009

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Thats such a hard situation to be in. He might be mad from when his little brother was born he went from being the only one getting attention from her and when his brother came he had to share her. it seems like you have been trying a lot but maybe ... find something/place he really likes to go to and tell him nana is going to lets say lego land and she only wants to bring YOU do you want to go with her and just make it seem like she wants to take him somewhere special just them two.i dont know hopefully that will work. good luck!

Lara - posted on 08/28/2009

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Hi Stacey! I'm not gonna lie, my two year old does the same thing to my grandmother! Anytime she would come near him she would scream, "no!" or "don't touch" or "that hurt"... when in all reality she wouldn't even touch him hard! I figured it was just because he has never really been around her, If you live close to your mom, i would suggest just the three of you going someplace fun like a nearby park or children's museum, a place that he can associate with her that is fun. The more he's around her in a positive and new envionment, the more he'll open up to her? That seems to be working with my situation. You're not alone though! Good luck!

Brandy - posted on 08/28/2009

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As soon as you mentioned your husband's father passing away, a red flag went up. It is no coincidence that he is favoring your father's mother over yours. If he had a close relationship with his grandfather, he could be associating your husband's mother with memories of his grandfather. He is acting out for a reason and it isn't because he is a bad child. A child who lashes out, is a child who is holding something inside. If he refuses to talk to you, you need to find someone he will talk to. You mentioned that he has a great relationship with your husband's mother, so I would suggest that she could try talking with him and getting him to open up. They're could be something about your mother that makes him uneasy, even if she treats him great. There could be something that he saw from her or heard from her that made him feel uncomfortable. His behavior isn't acceptable, and if he treats anyone with disrespect, he should be corrected, but at the same time, there is a reason he's doing it. If you can not get him to open up to anyone, I have to say that a counselor would need to be contacted. He needs someone to talk to. Children often feel pressured to make their parents happy and won't speak their feelings because they are afraid what their parents will think. You need to make sure to tell him you love him no matter what he does and that you are always there for him. If he has something that he wants to talk about, he can open up to you, or ask him if there is someone he would feel comfortable talking with. If he is lashing out to your mother, I wouldn't allow him to be alone with her for a while. Not that your mother is the cause, but because it may just be causing a feeling of uneasiness in him. Only allow him in her presence if you or your husband are around. See if this makes a difference. Above all, as I said, he really needs someone to talk to. Look into getting him a counselor.

Keelie - posted on 08/28/2009

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I kinda understand what hes going through, i had a weird feeling about my grandpa when i was like 10 or so, i cant say why i did, he never did anything to me and he was a great man! But i always got this weird feeling when i was around him, i told my mom that he made me feel weird when i was with him and she just respected that and never made me feel ashamed for it and never pushed me to go around him, eventually i just got over it..I understand that you dont want him to be disrespectful to her, and i would just tell him its ok if he doesnt want to be around her all the time but that he has to be nice when he is, im sure he will get over it soon enough. But then again i dont know whats going through his head and maybe just keep talking to him about it, maybe he will open up about why he doesnt like her.

Stacey - posted on 08/28/2009

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two things i would like to add to this is that he actually isnt even around my mom a whole lot, and two she snuck the book out even from me to take it to work and try and sell things for him. he doesnt know that though. but that is just the way she is, she doesnt want him to miss out on anything and she doesnt show differences between either of my kids!

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