my bf's mother won't spend time with my daughter

Lacye - posted on 06/15/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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ok. to make a long story short, my bf and i have a beautiful 1 year old daughter. he also has another daughter that is 2 days older than mine. now i know that's not a good thing and i acknowledge my mistake in the whole mess. so saying that, his other child lives over 100 miles away from us. now the only time his mother has come to see our daughter was when his other child was here and she came 2 or 3 times that week. she lives in the same town as us, she comes into town kinda often and we live in town. but she won't come and see my daughter but she made a trip over here when the other child was here. i don't feel any resentment towards his other baby. i love her to death. but i'm mad at his mother because she won't come and see her grandchild that lives in the same town as her. she waits until the other child is in town to come over, which was only 1 time in the past year since the child lives so far away. we go to visit his other baby when we have the money and when we really didn't have the money his mother lent us some money so we could go see her. and she gave my bf some money so he could get his other child a birthday present from her but she didn't even try to give us some money for my daughter's birthday, which like i said is 2 DAYS AFTER his other child. am i wrong for being pissed about all this or am i just over reacting?

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Trina - posted on 07/12/2012

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i went this very same thing and while its hurts fir a long time at some point you will get over it and just know God sits high and looks down low. there was always a great difference in my children and the other grandchildren but there is nothing you can do about it but to love your children and makes sure it doesnt affect them

Cassandra - posted on 06/16/2010

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You aren't overreacting, but at the same time you cant make her act like you want her to. Just look at it like this, you can lead a cow to water but you can't make that cow drink. Be the better person. Continue to do you, and if she never comes around, then thats on her. Let her ugliness be her own downfall. Cause when you daughter creates something that can save her life later on, she will regret her own actions.

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Sarah - posted on 07/13/2012

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She could just feel sorry for this other child, as yours has her son for an actual father. Any one loves your child GETS TO, its a privelege to be part of her life. Don't ever ask her to come see her, and seem cautious when she does. Dont look anxious for her to love your child. This is a type of rejection and you feel it. Your only hope in anything changing is to pull away. But protect yourself in the meantime.

Lacye - posted on 06/18/2010

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thanks to all of you. i feel better about it now. at least now i know it's not something that i've done.

Rozess - posted on 06/16/2010

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my mother in law is the same but my man dont have other kids,we just lived 1 street away from her and she couldn't come to see my son,he is the 1st grandchild aswell,during Christmas his parents didnt buy my son a present,we told her to get a highchair she said she would but she lied to us and him,even his 1st birthday(on the 14th june ) she told my son that she has something lined up for him but she was all shit she didnt give him anything,she can drop my man off after work but she can't come inside to say hi or even kiss my boys. so now i dont give a f$%^ about her,she is the one that will be suffering in the end not the kids so just do what i do and ignore her, i know it hurts but the more you dont think about it you just get use to it

Denise - posted on 06/16/2010

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I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. My dp is 17 years older than me and has got three children of his own from his marriage. We have a beautiful daughter who is 14 months old. Now my family absolutely dote on her and she loves her two cousins to bits. But his family and this is including his parents don't want anything to do with her. Now I don't care about his brothers and sisters (due to other reasons) but I can't believe her grandparents don't care. Neither my partner or I have done anything to them, but they seem to be holding resentment to us. There was issues about her birthday and they complained about how much they spent on her and didn't have the money at the time to do it. I was really pissed off as they knew when her birthday was, they should have been more organised. They didn't want to come to her party which got me going even more, as it was her first birthday and I wanted all family there. In the end I cancelled the party as no one would come. So her dad, me, her grandmother and her youngest brother celebrated it with her. I guess what I am saying is, that they are missing out on her growing up and if that's how they want to be let them. Believe me, it has taken me months to get this through to myself. But I have come to realise that I don't need that kind of stress in my life or that kind of crap. I have decided I will be straight up with her if she asks questions later on, I feel that I shouldn't have to lie to her, but then again they will probably be dead by then so won't have to cross that bridge. Hope this helps and so for rumbling on.

Sarah - posted on 06/15/2010

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I also have a mil who plays favourites with the grandchildren. Me and dp have been together for just over 3 years. I have an 8yo from previous relationship, he has a 2yo who came about from him cheating on me but we are so over that, and we have out 9 month old together. But his mum doesn't like to include my eldest boy even though dp considers him his son. So dp told her that if she isn't going to include him and treat him the same that she can't see any of our kids. Kids aren't dumb and they soon figure out who the fav is, that's why dp told her that.

Crystal - posted on 06/15/2010

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i have a family member who is going through the same thing, except its the father. im going to tell you the same thing i told her. you cant make someone be something they are not, you cant make someone do something they dont want to do. i know how deeply you want that relationship to be there, but if the grandmother does not want to be involved, what can you do? as a mom, i know how hard this must be. you want to provide and be everything and do everything that needs to be done for your baby. but you only have control over you, not other's. i know its heartbreaking because this is something you want badly, not for yourself, but for your child, and you cant do it. it almost makes you feel like a failure. BUT YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. you are a great mom. this is my advice- keep trying to involve the grandmother at least once every other week, weather it be to call her and invite her to do things or whatever it may be, but know that even before you ask, she can say no. and if she does, dont get nasty with her, just try to accept the things you cannot change. but never give up on her and dont let it stress you because there are plently of other ppl that are around that can be a part of your childs life that want to be there and love them. there's nothing worse than having someone there, who doesnt really want to be. your child, when they grow up and understand, they will thankyou and be proud of you for always trying to involve the grandmother. i know this personally. growing up, i was raised by my dad. he would try to involve my mom, but she didnt want to be there. but now, as a mom, i have learn to appreciate him for always trying and keeping hope alive, for me. even if my mom didnt want to be involved. so i will pray for you and your family that everything works itself out. good luck to you.

Brandy - posted on 06/15/2010

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No girl you aren't wrong i'm in a similar situation my mother in law will babysit her other 2 grandchildren but won't even visit mine and she buys the others everything and won't even buy my son something for his birthday..me and my sister in law have 2 girls that are 3 months apart and our 2 boys are 3 months apart which is kinda funny but she has never liked me so she takes it out on my children

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