My daughter has started talking about death....experiencing it, what should i do??

D. MARIE - posted on 08/11/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I dont know what to do!! I am scared and unsure of what to do...My 3 yo daughter has started talking about death, her dying when she was born....also asking my sister when her unborn baby was going to die. This is unnerving and flat out scares me....any suggestions? Could this be from the strain of her father and I getting a divorce, or is this possibly a normal thing?

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Tabitha - posted on 08/11/2009

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Do you know where she may have picked the idea up? Ask her where she heared that, and just reassure her that her and the new baby are going to live a long time. The father wouldn't have said something terrable like that to her, would he? I don't knwo the guy, but maybe he could've?

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Katrisha Ann - posted on 08/11/2009

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My daughter was like that esp during the death of my grandmother. I was able to explain to her that because grandma is old and she was sick she died and is up in heaven with the angels. I tried to make it sound pleasant and associate death with old age. But when MIchael Jackson died, she said why is he dead he's not old. And I had to explain to her that Michael is sick and all. I think the best advise I can give you is to talk to your baby and try to explain the concept of death in a very simple manner. No complications and all. I can just imagine jhow you feel about this. But be strong and kids of today are really smart.

--- - posted on 08/11/2009

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do not worry. I know it is very weird but it is normal. Not all children go through this but a lot do. I believe it is a phase and should pass.
Has she had a family member or even pet that has recently passed on? could she have seen something on tv about someone passing?
If it is an obsession you may want to sit down and ask her why she has those feelings but I am sure it will pass when the novelty wears off.

Rachel - posted on 08/11/2009

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My daughter is also 3 years old. She, like your daughter, is very much into asking questions about death. We have actually had a couple of deaths in the family, starting with the passing of my grandfather back in November. Then my sister-in-laws mother passed away suddenly in March. My daughter does understand that they are no longer with her, (I'm not sure how religious you are) but I explain that they are in heaven and are happy and not hurting anymore. Even if you're not religious, that might put a lighter touch on the subject considering heaven is associated with angels and happy thoughts =D. Your daughter might have picked it up from daycare, maybe someone she goes to daycare with had a death in the family and was talking about it...

Annie - posted on 08/11/2009

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My daughter is almost 3 and I've found that the best way to deal with topics like this is to just be honest. I think tip toeing around certain subjects is unfair. You don't need to explain every detail but I think it's best to be as honest as you can. You want to be the one that teaches her everything, from tying her shoes to hot topics such as death and sex etc. because if you don't teach her, she'll hear it from someone else. Death is just a part of life and it's nothing to be afraid of... it's okay to talk about it. Good Luck.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/11/2009

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this is going to probably sound like the craziest thing in the world but I thought it was nuts too when someone first said it to me....all children supposely are psychic and they remember past lives and a lot of them talk about it around the age of three and four because that is when they start to really communicate. I know like i said it sounds crazy but then again it might be a possibility seeing how my four year old talks about my grandfather a lot who died before he was born and says things that i have no idea how he would know them considering no one in the family has ever mentioned my grandfather what or how he was...so I don't know it could just maybe be something she heard or saw and she may just be worried about it

Azra - posted on 08/11/2009

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I dont have a time to read all posts, to be sure that I will not repeat something that is already written, but I think that it is not so strange for your doughter to talk about death. Maybe she heard it from someone, maybe she saw it on the TV, maybe... but you have to explain to her what death is, how we come to be death, everything. I am sure she does not understand what that mean, but she thinks she know. You have to explain it to her! And it is good in some way for her to know something about it, because that is how she can become responsible in early age, about her health, about some dangerous situations (like electric, car accident on the road etc..) than she will think much more about herself, and how to take care about herself! Good luck!

Aubree - posted on 08/11/2009

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Maybe she had seen something on TV about a baby passing away since her questions seem to be about babies dying. A woman might have had a miscarriage or stillbirth in a movie or TV show .I'm going to agree with the other moms, find out where she got it from and let her know that everything is going to be fine with the up coming baby and herself. It sounds like she might not understand how serious death is or maybe what it is, so talking to her will help you know where she got it and what she thinks causes death or what happens when you die. I hope this helps and don't worry about her she's fine she just seems to be curious.

Megan - posted on 08/11/2009

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wow that is tough, i know i went through a phase when i was a kid (elementary school) where i was very interested in death. maybe she heard it from dad? maybe she did not....who knows just try to see where she heard it from, has a family member recently passed away or a pet? she probably doesn't understand what it all is. don't be too freaked out unless dad said it intentionally.

Aleecia - posted on 08/11/2009

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Ok its probably both. Stress of things like a divorce on a child can cause them to say strange things. Especially one so young because she has a lot of feelings she doesn't understand and can't express. So this could be coming from that. In her mind her world as she knows it sort of did die. But also too it may be her age. Children at her age are very curious about things that they only barely understand. Things like life and birth, and death. This is also the age that a lot of children start wondering about god and other things that are religion related that they may have heard or seen somewhere. I agree with Tabitha the first thing to do is find out where she may have heard something like that. But don't assume she heard those things specifically. She may have heard someone talking about death or a child's death and it could have been anywhere. It could have been someone she knows or on TV or even while you were out shopping with her somewhere. At her age she can easily make the transition from the idea of one person dying to another. Sit her down and explain to her that those are not nice things to say and try to explain to her just what death is. I know that seems horrifying but children take it much better than adults. If you have any sort of religious beliefs now may be a good time to introduce them. Also reassure her that she is not going to die and that she never did. About the things she saying about your sisters unborn baby. Maybe she just feels left out. Try taking her to the next ultra sound and let her see the baby and here its heartbeat. Let her listen to her own and your heartbeat with a stethoscope, so she can see that they are the same and that you are all healthy and alive! If you are really concerned about it though or if it doesn't disappear after awhile you may want to seek professional help like a child therapist. Chances are very good that it is just a phase though!

D. MARIE - posted on 08/11/2009

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I dont honestly think her dad would say anthing like that...he can be a jerk at times, but hopefully he would think better than that. I am very concerned

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