My family is judging me on how i am raising my son!

Tiffany - posted on 03/30/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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During my pregnancy with my son i had developed gall bladder issues and I didnt know it because the doctors thought that it was the baby. Well 2 months after having him i went back to the doctors with the same problem, and later found out i had gall stones. The day I was in the hospital one of my sisters was watching my son, and got a message from another sister telling to tell me to actually take care of my son. That really upset me, and I have decided that i WILL not have people with that much negativity towards me around my son. My family keeps telling me how much it is wrong of me to take people out of my life, and my sons life. I do not need my son to be surrounded by that much negativity. During my pregnancy this same sister who said for me to take care of my son didnt care about the fact i was pregnant. She is very selfish and if it doesnt involve her it seems as though she cant be happy for anyone else. I was 7 months pregnant, and she left me with out a phone due to her not paying her portion of the cell phone bill. She was rude to people at my baby shower, and I dont want that in my life or around my son. My son is a very happy 11 week old baby, and I couldnt ask for a better son. I am happy, i am a working mom, soon to be wife, and my life is hectic. Not only do I work, but i raise my son, on top of all the 'house wife' duties. It really hurts me that my family is quick to judge me on taking people out of our lives. I have also decided that my son will not meet my father. I have no contact with my father due to the fact he is an alcoholic, and has always chose his alcohol over getting to know me. My mom feels as though thats wrong of me. I have also not brought my son to my moms house due to certain things she thinks is ok to do, and chooses not to want to smoke outside and will go in a different room. I am not a smoker, and feel as though if there is in infant in ur home the respectful thing to do is go outside. Going into a different room isnt going to make it better, bc if he goes in that room then he will just be breathing it in.

Also another thing that i have been judged on is my age. I am 22 soon to be 23 in April, and gave birth to my son in January. I have been taking care of myself since i was 16 yrs old, and have been working since then as well. I am engaged now soon to be getting married in October, and I am doing well for myself. I have a job, a wonderful fiance and son, a home, and feel as though i am doing a great job raising my son. I just dont get why people have to be so quick to judge.

If you have any advice for me please leave me comments.

14 Comments

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Sheryl - posted on 04/14/2010

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sound like you are doing a great diet. i also had some family that was not so careing. but i just showed them that i am a good person and try to not let it get me down. stand up for you self. sounds like they may be a lil jel. of you. cause it sound like you got a pretty great life. my mom does not see my boys and well never see them more likely cause she is bio-polor. not just that cause she aloud sometime i would not alow around my child. so that pretty much stop her see him. my aunt is more of a grandma to them then she is. they call her grandma! you are his parents you have a right to let who you want in there lifes. if you don't want someone in there life then they just have to get over it. that just sad cause my own mother in law smokes and she well not smoke around our kids. but anyways sound like your doing great! just keep your head up.

Sam - posted on 04/14/2010

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ur not alone my family judged me too i had my 1st at 19yrs and my second at 20. u have to do wat is right for u and ur family dont be pushed into doing things u dont think is right for u.. even wen i was wit my ex husband wen i told my mum i was having a baby with him she well and truely spat it i still to this day dont have a lot to do with my family due to choices i had made for my family.. they obviously arent happy that ur happy with ur family and u dont need that. u do wat u need to do to be happy and for ur partner and baby to be happy..

Katie - posted on 04/13/2010

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Keep your head up Tiffany. My family is doing the same thing to me only they are comparing me to my mother who left my dad when I was one and I didn't see her really until I was 12 or so. And it really makes me angry and upset that they are comparing me to her. I am nothing like her at all. I love my family and I wouldn't leave my husband and son. Just remember that you have YOUR own family now and you guys are making the best decisions for YOUR family. So about all you can do is listen to what your family has to say and then just tell them thanks for your input but this is my family and we are going to make our own decisions. I hope everything gets better for you and just remember that your are and amazing mom! your son and fiance are very blessed to have you as their mom and future wife :)

Ayla - posted on 04/13/2010

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I had my daughter 6 days before my 21st birthday, i'm also married. Are bodies are built to have babies young, dont let people judge you on that...To tell you the truth I judge people that are in their late 30's early 40's for having children.....

Darliss - posted on 04/13/2010

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You are totally right to do things your way. If they are being bad influences you have to do what is right for your son. Especially with the smoking! that can be so harmful for a baby. What I ended up doing was just telling my family it was my child and if they didnt like it then too bad. I finally had to threaten to not bring the kids over anymore. That helped out alot.

Susanne - posted on 04/12/2010

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I had a similar situation. I found out I was pregnant with my daughter at the age of 21. I gave birth to her shortly after my 22nd birthday. I am almost 23. My mother in law has had 6 children, her youngest is 34, and she tries to tell me how to raise my daughter. i also, like you, cut particular people out of my daughters life. I have been looking after myself since I was 16, and cannot understand why people keep telling me that i cannot care for my daughter. My fiance and i were engaged for 2 years before our daughter was born, and because of the age difference everyone looked doen on that too. Everything you are doing sounds good to me. A mother knows what is best for their child!!!!

Jessie - posted on 04/10/2010

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I would say that you are doing what you think is best and that they are in no position to tell you how to feel and what to do. You have your priorities straight so you keep up the wonderful job!

Tiffany - posted on 04/10/2010

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Thanks for all the comments! I dont get help from my parents they hardly ever see my son due to my decision. I am a full time worker and mommy, and have no time for stupid childish games, and i have let them all know that!

Danielle - posted on 03/30/2010

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Wow, that sounds very rough. I was 22 when I had my son. I have also been on my own since I was 16. I'm also engaged to the father of my son. So it sounds like we're living almost the exact same life...except my family has been very supportive. I'm sorry you have to go through that but I wouldn't let it get you down too much. You're independent and if they have anything to say about you and your choices with regards to your son I'd just let them know, "he is my child, I am doing what's best for him just like you thought you were doing the best for me when I was younger." And if they still don't get it I might be a little more frank with them and tell them to mind their own business.

Lyndsay - posted on 03/30/2010

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I don't really think you need advice, maybe just somewhere to vent. It sounds like you've pretty much got it all figured out, and if your family disagrees then poo on them. It's your child, not theirs... they had their own children, they had the opportunity to raise you and you seem to be pretty resentful towards them so why should you bother allowing them to influence your own child?

Amanda - posted on 03/30/2010

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Personally, I think that this is your son, and your life. You should be able to do what you want to do the way you want to do it. So what if you make mistakes along the way, isn't that the point of living. You live and learn. You shouldn't have to raise your kid or live your life according to someone else's standards. You decide what you want your kid exposed to, when where and how. If you feel that you need to stop seeing people for the better of your son, then do it. It's all about making choices for your kid. What will be better for him, not them. Raise him the way you want to, not how everyone else thinks you should. No one is a perfect parent, there is no such thing. And anyone who says they never made any mistakes with their kids is full of S. I wish you all the best in whatever choice you make.

Kimberly - posted on 03/30/2010

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You're in a tough situation and I feel for you. Keep your head up. It sounds like you are very happy with your life as you should be. If you have to tell people to cut it out or get out then do it. There is nothing more important than the welfare of your child. I agree with you about the sister. I can empathize. I have a sister like that too. I think you have a straight head on your shoulders and know what you want in your life. It is hard to cut your family out of your life but think about it like this if they were your friends would you have any problem dumping them? I don't mean to write them out of your life completely just lay the boundaries and stick by them. This is your baby!
unfortunately your family will probably always judge you. Take what they say in stride and keep coming back with "this is my decision and i'm sorry you can't respect that." Best of luck to you and keep that wonderful guy of yours informed and on your side.

Melissa - posted on 03/30/2010

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This happened to me for years. Everything my son ate and everytime he was put in a timeout or told no was scrutinized by my family. It caused me to literally hate them and not want to be there. It got so bad I had a convo with them and told them that their support and guidance was welcome and needed but that I did not need their critisim. If it contiued we would no longer be coming over. This took time. But you have to get serious with your parents-They may view you as a young mom, but you are a mom and you have to show your son that nobody pushes mom around not even gram and gramps! I am now 26 and beleive me I went through it for 4 years before I had had it...it is so underminding for your parents to do that to you...sorry you are going through that. Make sure you get a good job and save some money so you do not need to rely on them financially..unfortunately they may take advatage of the fact that you have no where to turn...my parents did or at least thats what it felt like

Amber - posted on 03/30/2010

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This is your son and it is your choices and not only that your duty to do what you feel is best for him. If people are negative influences on you and your life then obviously that is not good for your son, because what is good for him is for you to be good as well. And as far as the smoking thing you couldn't be more right on that issue. Smoking around infants increases the risk of SIDS you are protecting your baby. If people can't respect your decisions in raising your son too bad. I always said if people want a child raised the way they think is right they better have their own baby cuz mine is mine and I will raise him the way I choose.

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