my husband cheated on me before we had been together even a year. Should I stay?

Stacey - posted on 11/07/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I met my husband Jan 2012 he was my knKnight in shining armour, he proposed and we eloped in Apr 2012. He pushed to start a family right away I finally agreed and we got pregnant right away in sept. I found out this august that he cheated on me. I found sseating messages on his old phone. I confronted him and he swore on our daughters life that he had not talked to anyone else. Well, I was working trough getting over it and a month later I decided to go through our phone records to ease my mind. Well what iI found out astonished me. He has been texting about 40 women and deleting their messages. He text them first thing in the morning (before me) and last thing at night. He even admitted to getting off the phone w/ me so he could chat with them. He works out of town a lot that is why he was able to talk so much at night. He texted a few through my labor and right after I gave birth.:( he said he was talking about how I was doing. Yet I found fb messages from one of them he was talking to 3 Days after our daughter was born asking if she had come yet. I lost it then and went super detective. I broke into his email and FB account and posed as him and messaged some of those girls. I found out he blocked his ex fiance from my fb so i contacted her and acted like him. She said she was tired of him always asking for pictures, and when I said "oh, you know I love my wife and would never cheat on her." She replied. "Thats not what you said before." I finally told her it was me and she told me that he contacted her in oct. I was 2 months preggers and told her we were divorced. And he missed having sex w/ her and wanted to know if she would hook up next time she was in town. He swears he never had sex with any of them or even met them in person just flirty or casual talk. I called about 6 of them before he destroyed the evidence and they all confirmed they never had sex, but he flirted. He lied over and over and over again about everything. There is so much more that iI don't want to write for the sake it would be a novel lol. I want counseling but he doesn't, he wants me to drop it. He cried and begged me not to leave (one time) but threatened to kick me out twice cause I wouldn't stop digging. He says there is no doubt he will ever do something that stupid again. I am at a loss, it has been a month and a half since then and I am so bitter and angry. I act OK with him, I never kicked him out or anything. I have always been a super nice forgiving person. Actually when I was yelling at him and told him he didn't respect me. He admitted. He actually said he didnt respect me for 4 Reasons, for each one of thetimes I got raped and didn't report it and for forgiving the man who molested me as a child . This happened wheh I was really young and took me a couple years of counseling to stop blaming myself so it was a huge slap in the face.

Now, we bicker on a daily basis over stupid stuff. I am not happy, and even dream and daydream of having a good man. He is very loving now, and has always been super sweet. He always has and continues to tell me I am beautiful, and compliments my mothering skills, and eevery time I cook, he acts like its the best thing ever, really does try. Plus he is rresponsible and a wonderful wonderful father. That is the man I fell in love with. But he is so weird he has 1 male friend...yep just one. He doesn't talk to my family or his, just sits there like a bump on a log in every social setting we r in. People all the time ask me if he doesn't like him cause he come off pissed off. I talked to one of his friends and she told me she thinks he has a sexual addiction, I found he searched for tons and tons of stuff on fFeb sexting, casual sex, personal ads, cheaters club, sexy teens, the list goes on and on. His friend said he would talk to her about girls and how he thought of cheating.
Sorry so long, as you all can see I needed to get that out!!! I feel better. Now, I need some help. Should I push counseling? Or realize that I made a mistake marrying someone before I truly knew who they were? I love my daughter more than life its self and I would have been long gone if it were not for her. I want to keep out family together for her. Some days I am not sure if it is worth,it. I am so hurt right now I feel like I will not trust him for the rest of oour lives. And if I am a mad mama that does not make for a happy home. I don't know what to do! Please your opinion, or knowledge from previous experience is greatly appreciated!

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Michelle - posted on 11/09/2013

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This is a really hard situation...the deal breaker for me would be the lies over the cheating. Yes, the infidelity is BAD but I detest liars. My personal opinion and advice to you is if you think you can trust him down the road, work on that. Make it a point to put the past in the past and move foward...if you do not think there is forgiveness, then walk away and keep the phrase in mind "If you let something go and it was meant to be they will come back." This phrase is very very true! My now husband did the same thing with 1 girl. I watched it all happen online. When I confronted him, he realized he was not getting off the hook and I moved back home. Two weeks later he came by crying telling me how wrong he was. I would not give in. He had to prove it. He tried but for a few weeks, he still spoke to the other woman. When I found out he stopped (I know way more than he thinks I know) that is when I began to allow him back in slowly but with my guard u. And here we are today...a family... and I could not be happier.

Good luck to you! Stay strong. If you need to talk, feel free to message me. Sending you good vibes.

Stacey - posted on 11/07/2013

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So sorry, I typed this kinda fast and didn't proof it. There are a ton of typos from auto correct ha ha.

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