My husband told me i should give my one year old up

Tracy - posted on 06/08/2009 ( 179 moms have responded )

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Hey everybody, Im 23 with two kids whom one is gonna be 4 and the other is gonna be 1 and my husband treats our 3 yr old like a king but when it comes to our one year old he doesn't want anything to do with him. He has told me i should give our 1 yr old up bcuz he wasn't a girl he wanted so is it rite for him to tell me to give up my kid that i carried for 9 mo? He has said it because he wants me to put my kids after him like they shouldn't b that important he should be number one. What can i do? I need help please

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Kirsty - posted on 06/08/2009

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hi im sorry but id tell him to get lost,if the kids are his or not he should treat both the same so that shouldnt be an issue,if he treats the youngest one loads different then that would really affect him as he gets to the age where he can see the differene and that isnt fair on him,my partner took my daughter on and treats her the same as our little boy and then he has a little boy from a past relationship and the only way he is treated different is when it comes to telling him off if he is naughty,it causes a few arguements as i dont think its fair but he says he only sees him once a week so doesnt wan upset him,i aint going tell you leave him as that is ur option and if you can sort it out without going down that road it will be loads beta,you could try a bonding thing like get him painting or something and ask ur husband to help him but if you really dont think he will change with your little boy all i can say is you should never give up a child for a man as ur children are for life a man isnt,you can live without your partner as you do move on in time but could you live with yourself knowing you had given your son up for a man who could easily get bored and move on as once he is addopted you cant go back and i think any mum that does it for the wrong reason couldnt live with themselfs for it so please as a mum do what is right for you and NOONE ELSE he is ur son n dont forget that,take care and good luck kirst x x

Mishell - posted on 06/09/2009

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Ok I'm not trying to be nasty and this is going to sound really mean but what is wrong with you???? Why would you even want someone like that around your children?

Jamie - posted on 06/08/2009

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Tell him to pack hi shit and go. Husbands can be replaced, kids cant.

Allison - posted on 06/08/2009

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In my opinion and no offense but your husband is a asshole and a total jerk. If my husband ever told me some shit like that, I would show him the door. You ALWAYS put your kids first and then comes your husband. I don't understand how someone could be so selfish!!! Don't you give up that little princess....you will never forgive yourself. And tell your husband to hit the door! There are better men out there that would treat you and your children like royalty!

Charlie - posted on 06/08/2009

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WTF ASSHOLE ! im sorry but i cant believe he actually said that and hes his father he dosent deserve you or children if he is that self centerd , selfish , i would kick his ass out maybe give him a parting gift , a mirror perhaps so he dosent get lonely when he sulking that no ones around to love him , pffft , i hope things go well for you and your children . he is cold and inhumane !

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179 Comments

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Zoe - posted on 06/10/2009

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i am sorry but he is completely out off order and i think you should tell him to grow up or get out. he has no right to say that to you and i think he is acting like a child if not worst because he didnt get the sex he wanted. all i can say is its obvious you care for both your children and if your husband doesn't change his attitude towards the youngest soon get out!!!!! i know some say stay with the dad for the sake of the kids but i really think you and your children would be better off with out him !!!! good luck hun hope it gets sorted out sooner rather than later x x x x

Monica - posted on 06/10/2009

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Leave your husband immediately. He sounds like a piece of crap. If he has the audacity to be resentful of a baby, how do you think he'll treat the child as, say an 8 year old or even a teenager? Your husband doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as your children. Get out.

Emily - posted on 06/10/2009

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I dare my husband to ever tell me such a thing. I would tell him to kiss my ass.

Jennifer - posted on 06/10/2009

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All children should come first. Men second. If they can't handle that then they should leave.

Jaqualia - posted on 06/10/2009

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Does he know that its the man's sperm that decides the gender of a baby/ If he wanted a girl, he should have supplied the right chromosome!lol

Marisa - posted on 06/10/2009

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Wow! What a complete jerk! Sorry your kids ended up with a dad like that! Give him up and see how he likes it!

Jennifer - posted on 06/10/2009

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I think you should tell him to get lost. Who does he think he is..God. I think not. My child is my world and my guy comes 2nd. If he really loves you and your children he would want to come last. Either you need a new man or he needs help. He sounds like a piece of trash to me so lose him.

Jennifer - posted on 06/10/2009

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I think you should tell him to get lost. Who does he think he is..God. I think not. My child is my world and my guy comes 2nd. If he really loves you and your children he would want to come last. Either you need a new man or he needs help. He sounds like a piece of trash to me so lose him.

Jessyca - posted on 06/10/2009

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thats not right at all and i would eather get him to understand that your going to keep your child or he could leave!

[deleted account]

LEAVE. HIM. this is a horrible person. he obviously cant stand one of his children. (anyone read Child Called IT?) This is not the way to raise a child. The baby knows there is a difference and as such the baby will have problems because of it. and frankly, the fact this this person believes he should still be Number One is enough for me. He should be as far away from kids as possible. I know it sucks, and I know its hard. MY baby's father-to-be and i had a talk as soon as it was confirmed I was carrying because if he couldnt be a father than the baby would not have a father...because nothing is more important than that baby. It would kill me but i would pack my things and be on my mother's door step in a heartbeat if rob ever said anything like that to me. Im just going to assume you are not considering giving up your child purely because your husband doesnt want a boy. As an almost mother, there is no way i can entertain that thought. Since youre a mom of two I doubt you could stomach the idea. This is not okay and it is not something that will go away. for the sake of your children's future and for your happiness... get the hell out of there.

Gayle - posted on 06/10/2009

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U NEED 2 GET RID OF HIM, THEY R YOUR KIDS AND WILL FOREVER BE YOUR KIDS, DON'T NEVER SHOW THEM THAT U LOVE ONE MORE THAN THE REST BECAUSE THEY WILL NEVER FORGET HOW U TREATED THEM WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG!! GOD BLESS U AND YOUR FAMILY!!!!!!!!

Stephanie - posted on 06/10/2009

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leave his but he is not worth all of that... your babys come first all the time...

Stephanie - posted on 06/10/2009

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you shouldn't give your baby up just b/c he don't want him... he is not right....

Katie - posted on 06/10/2009

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hi your children should always come first, if he cant deal with that then you should leave him, he needs to grow up start acting like an adult not a child.you dont need someone who isnt goin to treat both kids the same. good luck

Lori - posted on 06/10/2009

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omg!! i am also a mother of 2 boys. I was not too thrilled when i found out i was having another boy and not a girl, but i would NEVER give my kids away!!! NEVER it was gods plan for me to have the two of them and i wouldnt change that for anything! There is nothing like having two little boys :) You should be happy with your children and not ever give them away like they are nothing. Im sorry but i think he is a horrible person for even THINKING something like that!!! Your children dont deserve to hear or feel the way he feels or speaks of them! I wish you luck!!

Samantha - posted on 06/10/2009

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I am sorry but I think my jaw it to the floor. I don't mean to offend you, but is your husband sane? Like completely? How could he ever even differentiate between his own two kids. If the first had been a girl would he still love her the same? My god! Love doesn't come with strings attached, especially for your own kid. I am appalled, I am sorry, but i just can't wrap my head around his behavior! 1st thing, NEVER give you kid up, if you did it for anyone else's reasons but your own you would regret your decision. 2nd, get your children away from him, he is obviously not a good influence on them emotionally. And you need to have a sit down with him. Your kids are yours, and you have to protect them. My dad was remarried when I was 3 and my stepmom, well lets just say it really was like a Cinderella story in that sense. I still quite haven't forgiven my dad for allowing her to treat me like she did, although they have been divorced now for a bit. Het out and her him some help. When and if he gets his head on straight bring the children back into his life. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Well first off no husband or boyfriend who truly cares for you would ask you to do such a thing. Second off your hubby should come before your kids but not the way he is wanting, I mean in the way of not losing your marriage and the romance because of being busy with the kids, he should not get waited on. Sounds like this is a symptom of a much much bigger problem in your relationship, my advice, get out and get out fast and take both of your kids with you. Doesn't sound like you are married. so it makes it easier. sort of :P Do you have close family or friends that can help you through this?

Tammy - posted on 06/10/2009

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Sounds like he is being selfish, and that is not fair to your children and you and to ask you to give up your child because he was not what he expected is just wrong, it's your deciscion, but in my opinion any man or person told me that I should give up one of my chidlren to benefit them is a person who does not belong in my life and does not deserve to be apart of me or my children;s life!! This is my personal opinion and is not meant to offend anyone, if it does I do appologize!!

Rainbow - posted on 06/10/2009

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Thats seems extremly immature, I mean he is jelous of his own child. You should not even consider such a drastic step. Your husband on the other hand may need to take a serious look at his thinking.

Kimberlee - posted on 06/10/2009

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Can we say divorce? I don't even think that it is exceptable for him to think in that way. Your child needs you, there are already too many kids out there in foster homes that are unloved, neglected, etc.. I worry what he might try to do if you stay with him and tell him you are keeping the child.

User - posted on 06/10/2009

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WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!! No amount of counselling can take back the fact that he said that! And even if the MORON had never had never said it, the fact that he treats his son like is reason enough to leave him. How could u even look at him without pure disgust ever again..... he is just as I said A PIECE OF SHIT!

Shelifia - posted on 06/10/2009

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MEN can sometimes be the most stupid things on earth he should be happy that the lord blessed him with the ability to even have kids he mite never ever get a girl then what hell you dont need to bother with him just let him vent as long as he doesn't like physically show to your child and i say your child because its your child how he feels let him be the dum ass he is he mite come around and mite not but you just make sure both your children know how much mommy loves them .my prays for you and your family to be strong and happy bye

Shelifia - posted on 06/10/2009

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MEN can sometimes be the most stupid things on earth he should be happy that the lord blessed him with the ability to even have kids he mite never ever get a girl then what hell you dont need to bother with him just let him vent as long as he doesn't like physically show to your child and i say your child because its your child how he feels let him be the dum ass he is he mite come around and mite not but you just make sure both your children know how much mommy loves them .my prays for you and your family to be strong and happy bye

Shelifia - posted on 06/10/2009

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MEN can sometimes be the most stupid things on earth he should be happy that the lord blessed him with the ability to even have kids he mite never ever get a girl then what hell you dont need to bother with him just let him vent as long as he doesn't like physically show to your child and i say your child because its your child how he feels let him be the dum ass he is he mite come around and mite not but you just make sure both your children know how much mommy loves them .my prays for you and your family to be strong and happy bye

Candice - posted on 06/10/2009

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I think you should leave his ass he sounds like a terrible person and any man that does not love his child is a jerk! I'm sure you could find someone elase to love you and your kids! Your kids come first you gave them life. Marriages can come and go but your kids are your forever. i've been married 5 years me and my husband love each other very much but our sone comes first and if my husband ever did not love one of our children he'd be gone!

Amy - posted on 06/10/2009

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Ok... well I know everyone has said it already... but leave his ass. And don't let him have custody. Because only God knows what he would do. That is fucked up as hell. I'm sorry, if he was my husband, he would be out the damn door and served a restraining order. Let me tell you something sweetie, I agree with everyone else kids always come first. My husband couldn't understand that, he was selfish and put himself and his needs first before me and our son. He was also verbally / emotionally abusive. There is no excuse for that. So I left him. Now my situation is much different of course, because he does love our son, he just has problems with putting him first before himself. But there is never an excuse for a man to tell you to give up your child no matter what the circumstance. That is your own flesh and blood, a miracle that you carried in you for 9 months and went through blood sweat and tears and pain to produce. Bottom line... FUCK HIM.

Sherri - posted on 06/10/2009

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i dont think u should give up ur child hun. it is wrong of ur husband to say this to u like u said ur kids cum first. like some of the others have said tell him to leave that ur kids cum first.

Kristy - posted on 06/10/2009

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I think he needs to grow up if that were my partner i'd have left him. how can he say that about his own child, you and your children deserve much better darl...

Kristin - posted on 06/10/2009

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Yes dump the husband and take your 2 children he dosen't deserve any of them..

Kristin - posted on 06/10/2009

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Wow, Aren't they his kids too??? I agree with Brittney he doesn't deserve you. Sorry but thats just wrong.. Did he only want one kid???

Anna - posted on 06/10/2009

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you need to get out!!! this is a form of abuse and it can get worse!! becarful and get out!!! jmo!!

Nicola - posted on 06/10/2009

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Kids are number one! And my hubby knows it! and I expect that the other way around to, the kids come before me!


He needs to realise what he's asking you, it doesn't matter what sex your babies are if they're wanted and loved! That is the most outrageous thing ever to tell you to give him up, how dare he! Tell him if he has a problem then he should go!

Kirsty - posted on 06/10/2009

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i think your so called husband is disgusting i know that sounds really harsh but i cant believe he would say that ,your kids should come first and if i was u i would have told him to go for just saying it,if i had to choose between my husband and my kids my kids would win everytime ,dont get me wrong i love my other half but my babies r my everything and no one in this world would ever come between that especially a man ,i do feel sorry for u ,your husband is suppose to be someone u can trust,show him the door i would!!!x

Annie - posted on 06/09/2009

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I think it's time for you to get rid of your husband! Your children will always come first. Doesn't matter how wonderful your husband is. It's in our nature to protect our kids. Find yourself a good lawyer and protect your children!

Annie - posted on 06/09/2009

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I think it's time for you to get rid of your husband! Your children will always come first. Doesn't matter how wonderful your husband is. It's in our nature to protect our kids. Find yourself a good lawyer and protect your children!

Amanda - posted on 06/09/2009

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Quoting Becky:

Okay, I posted something earlier on here, but after reading several other responses, I feel the need to say just a little more. This is NOT a "let's just waltz into family therapy and straighten it all out" situation. This is NOT the time to allow any blame to be placed on you for not helping him feel as important as the children. This is NOT the time to try to calmly work it out with him and help him feel valid again or whatever. The man is a nutcase if he would ever ask his WIFE to get rid of one of their children. He is beyond any therapy that you should have to endure with him. He does definitely need therapy - but you NEED to get out first. This is NOT, and will never be YOUR problem - it's his only, and he needs to handle it WITHOUT you or the children anywhere near him.

I am serious when I say (like I said in my earlier post) that you need to get the man on tape saying these things or to say them in front of a witness or during a recorded phone conversation - even if you have to bring it up first or provoke the conversation (obviously, don't lead into the conversation if you think he may get violent, though; only if the discussions have usually been nonphysical in nature). You do not need to be married to the man, but you sure as heck don't want a judge handing him visitation with a child that he resents so much that he wants to get rid of him. Your husband is unstable and needs help, but not at your expense or your children's expense. Do NOT stay anywhere near him - this is how people eventually wind up going to their children's funerals and having divorce papers served to their husbands through prison bars. GET OUT before it gets worse and his resentment grows stronger. You're better than to let someone like this be a part of your household, and I know you love your children enough to get them away from him. There are plenty of organizations that will help - you just need to get the kids (especially the one he doesn't want) away from him. Be strong for your kids here - they deserve better, and so do you!



I totally agree with you on this!  Like I said in my thread this is what messes kids up!  I've seen first hand what it can do to someone mentally, and emotionally! 

Becky - posted on 06/09/2009

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Quoting Colleen:

This sounds like a situation ripe for abuse, verbal or emotional. Read the book "A Child Called It". This can really cause problems for your baby boy later in life. Please think carefully about what is your best option.


My mother told me about this book several years ago - I did not read it (can't handle that kind of stuff - too emotional), but I agree that this would be an appropriate book for you to read while kicking the jerk to the curb.  Knowing how a parent like your husband could affect your son later on in life may help give you the final resolve and push to get your babies away from this guy.

Kate CP - posted on 06/09/2009

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Quoting Sarah:

if your husband keeps treating him that way the lil boy will not only hate his father, the child will more than likely become gay trying to feel excepted by his father's wish for a girl.


I'm sorry, but that's the dumbest thing I've seen all day. Just...wow. 

Becky - posted on 06/09/2009

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Okay, I posted something earlier on here, but after reading several other responses, I feel the need to say just a little more. This is NOT a "let's just waltz into family therapy and straighten it all out" situation. This is NOT the time to allow any blame to be placed on you for not helping him feel as important as the children. This is NOT the time to try to calmly work it out with him and help him feel valid again or whatever. The man is a nutcase if he would ever ask his WIFE to get rid of one of their children. He is beyond any therapy that you should have to endure with him. He does definitely need therapy - but you NEED to get out first. This is NOT, and will never be YOUR problem - it's his only, and he needs to handle it WITHOUT you or the children anywhere near him.



I am serious when I say (like I said in my earlier post) that you need to get the man on tape saying these things or to say them in front of a witness or during a recorded phone conversation - even if you have to bring it up first or provoke the conversation (obviously, don't lead into the conversation if you think he may get violent, though; only if the discussions have usually been nonphysical in nature). You do not need to be married to the man, but you sure as heck don't want a judge handing him visitation with a child that he resents so much that he wants to get rid of him. Your husband is unstable and needs help, but not at your expense or your children's expense. Do NOT stay anywhere near him - this is how people eventually wind up going to their children's funerals and having divorce papers served to their husbands through prison bars. GET OUT before it gets worse and his resentment grows stronger. You're better than to let someone like this be a part of your household, and I know you love your children enough to get them away from him. There are plenty of organizations that will help - you just need to get the kids (especially the one he doesn't want) away from him. Be strong for your kids here - they deserve better, and so do you!

Jess - posted on 06/09/2009

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as a mum you just have to make sure that your babies are safe, healthy and happy, perhaps your husband needs some psychiatric counselling, its sounds as though he has failed to form a healthy bond with baby no# 2 and is resentful.....possibly a form of post natal depression (yes it can get dad's too) I'd have a chat with your local family planning nurse and ask for a referal to the appropriate place. this situation can become physically and emotionally dangerous for the poor boy

good luck

Amanda - posted on 06/09/2009

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Wow! For a father to say that he wants one child over the other is outragous! I'm so sorry you are in this situation! This is the type of thing that messes up kids!!! No joke, my messed up ex was a product of it! Your young and you obviuosly love him but how much love can you have for a man who accepts only one of the two kids he helped produce!! Seriously drop him like a bad habit and get sole custody of your kids, because girl this is headed down a road that you don't want your kids facing! I would hope the love for yourself and your children outweigh you even contemplating something so ridiculous!

Jamie - posted on 06/09/2009

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WOW! Those boys are your boys! They are your life not a pet you can just give back. I would tell him to get lost! Regardless of anything else your children are number 1! Hes nothin but scum for trying to make you choose between him and your child! I hope you do the right thing for you and your boys and get rid of the loser!

Shenna - posted on 06/09/2009

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I thank the only kid that you need to give up is him. Your children is the only thang that you have in life and the lord never gives you anythang in live that you can not handle. Children are blessings from God and he don't make any mistacks.So I belive the only kid that you need to give up is him

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