My kid's father crazy family

Monica - posted on 01/09/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I'm 20 years old. This is my first pregnancy and I'm having twins. A boy and a girl :)

I have been raised in a Christian home. My grandfather and my dad are preachers so I'm considered a preachers kid. I admit I did slip up and has sex for the first time before marriage and ended up getting pregnant. I'm grateful that I have a forgiving family and they understand that people slip up sometimes. They are my main support and I am very blessed for that.

The main issue I have is who I got pregnant by. He's no good at all. He smokes weed constantly, doesn't have a job, and is in a gang. I have an issue with having my kids around him and his family because they are really bad influences! They all smoke and cuss and the girls of the family act just like guys always trying to fight somebody for anything! He always asks when the babies are old enough can he keep them for the weekend. Even if his family wasn't bad influences I wouldn't be comfortable with leaving my children with him. On top of that I don't want to start any drama with him and having to deal with his mom and cousins trying to fight me and my family. I just do not feel comfortable with my children around them at all. Neither does my mom. Is there any advice on how I can keep the peace between our families. I would really like something helpful.

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Monica - posted on 01/10/2014

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I understand all if that. I really want to know how can I keep my children on the right path and not following in his footsteps and lifestyle if he does want to see them.

Monica - posted on 01/10/2014

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I think I've only talked to him about 5 times since I've been pregnant and I'm having the babies in February. He acts like he doesn't want to be there but his feelings change so much that idk what he's gonna do next.

Michelle - posted on 01/10/2014

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It's not up to if the babies spend time at his family's house, like Jodi has explained.
You chose to sleep with him so you have to deal with the consequences. I understand you "slipped up" but you can't change the fact that he is the Father and his family is related to your babies.
All you can do is go to court and try to stop him getting visitation but I don't like your chances. Not feeling comfortable with him having them isn't enough reason to deny him having a relationship with his children.

Jodi - posted on 01/09/2014

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Unfortunately, you aren't going to have a choice. That's what happens when we choose who we sleep with - we are also potentially choosing the father of our babies. Biological fathers have rights too, and being a mother doesn't make it your right to decide whether your children can have anything to do with him.

Has the biological father given you any indication of what he wants to do?

Just remember, if it does go to court (and you should get a court order for custody and visitation just to protect both you, the father AND the child, as well as an order for child support), the judge is likely to allow visitation. By all means, you can request supervised visitation, but you need documented evidence of why this is necessary.

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