My parents are so overbearing!!

Claire - posted on 01/28/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I really need advice as to what to do with my parents-ths is their first grandchild and I understand that they are excited but they have no respect for the fact that my daughter is my responsibility and not theirs, I have asked the politely and I have shouted like a lunatic yet they still continue with their 'suggestions' and interferance! I may be a young mum (22) but I have my wonderful partner, my degree, my own beautiful home, car and posessions and my daughter has never wanted for anything (in fact it is my parents who have asked me for financial help!!) She is the most happy, giddly little baby, always laughing , she sleeps from 7pm to 7.30 am like clockwork, is hitting every developmental miletone early and literally has not had a single problem since birth. Yet my parents feel the need to criticise and tell me how to do things. When she was born, rather than offering to help me around the house or bring food or anything actually helpful like that, decided she wanted to take my 4 day old baby away from me or watch her for me while i tidied/cooked etc obviously i declined, much to her offence. And it has been going the same way since then. Literally ringing me to ask about her bowel movements!!! When she buys toys/clothes etc (which i have not asked for!!) she will get very angry when she is not wearing/ using them.'I had this pcture in my head of her carrying those books along' well thats all well and good but I would quite like her to carry the toys I bought her? and for christmas I politely asked them not to spend too much as I had spent about £150, and thought that was even far too much for a 5 month old, and out of respect for the parents I dont think grandparents should ever spend more than parents. They said this was a silly old-fashioned idea and I said no, its what believe in so please have a bit of respect. They spent about double-even though they simply cannot afford it. There have been many many other occasions of them ignoring my wishes r my mother literally shoving me out of the way to grab her when shes in the pram/upset and saying stupid things like 'shes teething' when shes trying to grab her bottle or she simply wants me. but one that stands out was when I was out shoppng with my parents and my dad offered to sit outside with my daughter as the shop was a bit tight for the pram. I knew she was getting tired so I said to him if she gets grumpy at all bring her straight in to me or she'll get upset, so his friend comes over, she cries, and instead of bringing her in to me i have to hear her screaming from inside the shop. she literally couldnt breathe he'd let her cry for so long because he'd wanted to look like some kind of wonderful grandfather (he was a pretty terrible dad-2 out of 3 kids hate him he was so abusive). does he apologise? of course not. does my mother apologise when she simply doesnt bother to wipe my daughters bum when changing her nappy?no, she huffs like a child and scolds me for correcting her. Of course I was going to be annoyed, she couldnt 'see' any wipes so instead of asking me for them or looking for them, or even using something else like water, she simply leaves her all pissy-my daughter has never had nappy rash for a reason, i clean her when shes dirty!!!

Sorry, that was the biggest rant ever, my daugher is 7 months and I guess it has been building for a while-constant put downs and not listening to me-or when I get angry about things they use this emtional blackmail about how much they miss her and my dad teeling me my mums on anti depressants so i have to call round more because i upset her!? I go round once a week at the minute but I cant keep it up, im going to have to cut them off-why wont they listen!? My partner is an amazing father and such a good support and they even try to tell him what he should do with our money. its none of their buiness? They're the ones wth the IVA, why would i listen to their money advice?!

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Sammantha - posted on 01/28/2013

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I had the same problem with my mom, (i dont have a dad) i eventually told her that if she can not accept that this was my child and not hers then we would have to take "vacations" of time away from her, it took 3 two month "vacation" times and she got the idea. Tell them that they raised you so that someday you can raise your own child, and they cant keep stepping on your toes.

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