My partner told me to get and abortion.

Rosa - posted on 04/24/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )




I just found out yesterday that I am 5 weeks pregnant and will be my second child. This pregnancy has been very much anticipated and (I thought) that we were both extremely happy and excited. Today, my partner and I into quite a big falling out over something quite stupid which ended in him saying that I better get an abortion and he just walked out the door. I was in shock, horrified, distraught and very very upset at this. I have been crying all day, not knowing what to do. I thought that he and I were on the same page about having another child as we have spoken about it on numerous occasions.
The fact that he would even think to say something like this is quite disturbing. We have been together for seven years and he has never spoken to me like this before. We have always been very close and open with each other. I can barely look at him now and if this is how he truly feels, I am not sure where it leaves me. I cant stop crying writing this post. I have had a termination in the past after my first born, due to my ongoing battle with depression among many other things and my partner was the only one by my side. Despite knowing everything that I have been through, he still said what he said today. I am very angry, but more sad and upset. I really don't believe that saying it out of anger is really an excuse to be so cold. What do I do??????


Avigail - posted on 04/25/2012




From what I hear, you both had an unusually blown up argument over an insignificant matter. That fact alone along with the shockingly hurtful words would signal to me that absolutely an underlying issue that needs to be discovered and addressed. BUT you do not know what that is yet, and don't presume. Maybe it's something at work that is making him feel insecure about the baby, maybe something wrong between the two of you that he has not been able to express before, maybe he just got cold feet suddenly. Maybe it is something completely unrelated.

As everyone else said, you cannot give in to your emotions if you want to really understand what's going on. You must do whatever it takes to calm yourself down, keep your tears in check and really listen to him. Don't drown him or overwhelm him in questions and wonderings about his behavior. Try and think about the most revealing questions you can ask, then ask them quietly, caringly, and with an open mind. Whatever he says , do not React - instead Respond. Take time to think before you do respond to him, and try to analyze if he is hurting and you didn't know it, or if there are other problems that you didn't know about.

If you feel overwhelmed or need to cry, don't do it in the middle of the discussion or in response to anything he says... give yourself 5-10 minutes later (or before) to just let it all out... the pain, the anger, the hurt, the betrayal. Then pull yourself together and with a clear head move forward. You can use this "time out" many times a day if you like, but make sure you are in control of it.... don't allow yourself to give way to constant or prolonged weeping... this will sap your strength, cloud your judgement, making you focus on all the emotions/feelings that are not helpful to you, your partner or you baby.

Best of luck!! and you should have a beautiful healthy birth in good time

Ginny - posted on 04/29/2012




I just saw this quote from Gregg Braden and I wanted to share it here, "Don't do something permanently stupid just because you are temporarily upset." People blow up and say and do stupid things all the time because they are upset. I worked with a client a few months ago and I wanted to share this story because it's so cool. This woman came into my office a few months pregnant and feeling depressed and apathetic about the pregnancy and her life. She was struggling in her marriage and didn't want to be pregnant at all. She was trying to decide what to do.

From what I've seen, the decisions we make don't really matter, it's the energy in which we make those decisions that really matters. If you can take the time to clear and release all the difficult emotions, it's as though a thick mental fog clears and you can connect with your own inner wisdom and inspiration to know the best choice for you. When you can make a choice in this energy, it's easy to live with the choice. Yet, if you make a choice out of anger, fear, guilt, frustration, overwhelm, etc., those choices are almost always the choices we deeply regret because we weren't clear when those choices were made.

What I did for this troubled client was help her to clear and release all the heavy emotions and negativity around her situation. After the emotional stress started to clear, a total peace washed over her and her whole face lit up. She sat up straight and said, "I am going to have a baby! I've been so overwhelmed and consumed with my problems I wasn't even thinking about anything but "the pregnancy." This isn't just a pregnancy, I'm having a baby and I'm so excited! I'm going to go to the store right now and buy some baby clothes. I can see what's been happening with my husband and these are challenges we can work through. I can do it. I'm okay."

This was really fun because she came to this conclusion herself. I didn't give her any advice, I just helped her clear the emotional stress and mental fog so she could connect with her own wisdom and decide for herself. The techniques that I taught her are simple and any one can do them. These techniques help to clear and release emotional stress on a physical level. I use them all the time especially when I'm in a situation like this that feels painful and overwhelming.

I really wanted everyone to have access to these techniques because they are invaluable especially for us moms that have to deal with so much all the time. I put these techniques in a how-to audio format so they're easy to listen to on the go and they're free on my website. By the end of the audio, you'll know how to do them. One of the audios, is geared toward healing the emotion of overwhelm, especially emotional overwhelm. I would think that would be especially helpful at a time like this since you mentioned that you are feeling so many things, hurt, anger, sadness, ect. Please feel free to download the audio featuring these simple techniques, you can download it at if you want. I think the techniques in it will help you to work through and clear all the heavy emotions so you can gain some wisdom and clarity for how best you can handle your current situation. Good luck to you and God bless!


View replies by

User - posted on 11/19/2012




My "partner" has said the same thing to me both during an argument and outside of one. He told me it would be a grown up decision to end the pregnancy and focus on getting further in life. How much further can you go than creating and nurturing another person?

I feel so much sadness for women who don't have the support of their partner.

Davishia - posted on 05/02/2012




tell him to go jump off a bridge he should have though about that before he had sex with u dont do nothing u will regret maybe not today but tommorow u will

Brantley - posted on 04/26/2012




I'm sorry to hear you are going thru this. My son's dad told me the same thing when we had a fight. The thing is, its not about him, its about the baby. I personally do not believe in abortions, hut it is up to you 100% anyway. Words hurt really badly, but you are the one that makes that decision not him. It sounds like it was, as someone has already stated, a really bad comeback. If you have talked about this for quite some time and you have been in a relationship for 7 years, I would let things cool off a little bit, clear both of your heads, and then address the situation. However, as I said before, it is your decision, not his. :)

Stephanie - posted on 04/26/2012




Men sometimes say things they don't really mean, especially when they are angry. But if he truly feels that way then you need to reconsider your relationship to him. Children are precious, each one a gift and a blessing. Don't do anything to that child growing inside you. Instead sit him down and find out where he really stands. Once you know then you can decide whether or not HE stays or goes.

Anna - posted on 04/25/2012




Before you make any decisions regarding the future of your relationship, I encourage you to have a raw, candid discussion about what was said with him, and about how he feels about another child. Ultimately, your life is yours and you deserve to have people in it who are supportive and respectful.

September - posted on 04/25/2012




I do agree that saying something like that out of anger is wrong. However my guess is that he did say it in the heat of the moment because he was angry. It was a very low blow and super hurtful I'm sure. I think you should talk to him about how you're feeling. Good luck. ♥

Bonnie - posted on 04/25/2012




Maybe he just lashed out and didn't really mean it. It kind of sounds like he just came out with it because of your argument. I would sit down with him and find out what he truly wants. In the end, the final decision is yours.

Tina - posted on 04/25/2012




I know this is quite nasty and hurtful. It is quite possible he's also scared. You'd think after having 1 child together and talking about having another that he'd be fine. That's what I thought too. But my partner could be quite mean too when I was pregnant with my second. He worries that he's not good enough as a father. He has gotten better and is more helpful. You 2 need to try to talk calmly and find out what's really going on. Is he really feeling what he said or is he scared.

Louise - posted on 04/25/2012




If every thing is ok with the rest of your relationship then you need to just put this down to pure rage and write it off as a really bad comback. If cracks are appearing in your relationship then you really need to sit down and ask each other if there is a future together and if you both want this baby.

I am sure he is feeling awful about what he has said but does not know how to go about putting things right. Sometimes things that have been said in the heat of the moment really hurt and need to be discussed. Approach the subject rationally and without being in tears, if you can. You need to clear the air so that you can move on, no matter how painful.

Catalina - posted on 04/25/2012




I am so sorry that you are going through all of this!!

You have to consider if this was an outburst, we all at times say things we regret. I am not excusing your partners actions, but thought i would put a disclaimer out there before i immediately start saying to leave him!

It's really important that you try to stay calm, for you and the baby. Maybe talk to your partner with a mediator, tell him how hurt you are. Discuss his feeling considering the new baby, and go from there. Through all of this remember that baby feels what you do!

Everything has a way of working itself out, I wish you the very best! :)

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