My son's father doesn't know he has a child what should i do? ?

DERION - posted on 09/17/2014 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I've been knowing my son's father since 2012. I got pregnant in 2013, we were together but it was nothing serious in my eyes we had sex but it meant nothing to me. Long story short my mom and i got evicted we moved i broke up with him when i realized i was setting for less. The whole time i was pregnant ans didn't even know! I found out i was 6 weeks..pregnant i never did get intouch with him i went through my pregnancy alone my lil boy is 3 months today. Everyday im looking for him, i wrote him on Facebook i even wrote his cousins but no one have responded. I feel like my only option is to call CHILD SUPPORT services so they can help me locate him and inform him about his son. But am i doing it for the wrong reasons? I dont wan't his money i only want to locat him! But also he is not "father material he parties drinks smoke wees and steals am i better of doing this alone? Because once i open a child support case theres no going back... any advice? ? If your going to rude then dont fucking comment thnk you😀

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Cora - posted on 09/17/2014

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Thank you :) :)

If your instincts are to contact centerlink then you should do that, if your worried about his reaction, don't... as you said you have tried every other reasonable method to contact him, and you can explain that to him if need be. I actually cant think of any other way to contact him that wouldn't cost money so you just do what feels right for you and your son. I think I would have done it the same way you are suggesting ie: trying to contact him personally and failing that I would contact centerlink. Its a hard one especially considering his habits, When I was youndger (17) I was faced with a similar decision when I fell pregnant to a Weed smoking, Drinking irresponsible guy who also made his $ by thieving (dont judge me lol!) it has been 19yrs now (haha please dont do the math) and although I am no longer with him, he stepped up and became an awesome father, sorted his shit out and has always been there for his daughter. Now Im not saying your situation will be the same, or that our life was perfect because there where many shit storms to deal with but for me.. Im glad he is in our life still and my husband and I consider him part of our family. Good luck!

Brandi - posted on 09/17/2014

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Anytime. Life to short to let things drag ya down, just gotta get back on that horse lol. No other way to it cheeka. Be nice if it was that easy 😉

Cora - posted on 09/17/2014

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It’s your choice whether or not you think contacting centerlink to locate him it’s the right choice. The way I understand how centerlink works is you can have them locate him, and you can opt to not have them collect money on your behalf, they will then issue you and baby’s Dad with a suggested amount he should contribute and it is up to you and him to organize a private arrangement if you so choose. Both parties are not obligated to exchange $ under this arrangement and you are officially informing him of his son. Hope this helps (I could be wrong depending on your circumstances lol this is just from my experience with child support)

Brandi - posted on 09/17/2014

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Well you should forsure let him know bout your baby boy. If he chooses not to give a damn then it's his loss not yours! But at least you were the bigger person an gave him an option to try an step up. So hold your head high girl an he will either be there or he won't, but at least your lil man knows you will always be there.

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Cora - posted on 09/23/2014

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Sorry about that Jodi. Im new to Australia and just assumed because child support sent me to Centerlink to sign some papers they where somehow linked. thanks for pointing that out, I'd hate to steer anyone wrong.

Derion did admit she could have "handled it better" I think we can leave it at that, Derion has some hard decisions to make regarding her sons future so... Good luck Derion, hope all turns out well.

Jodi - posted on 09/23/2014

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Actually, Cora, we don't go through Centrelink for Child Support in Australia, we go through the Child Support Agency, just wanted to clarify for any other Aussies who may be reading this.

And Derion, I thought you were rude in your opening post in the way you requested politeness. You can't expect positive comments when you begin it with such negativity. If you ask for no rude comments, YOU need to show politeness in kind.

Cora - posted on 09/22/2014

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Fair comment Evelyn, sorry Derion Ive just realized I was rambling on about Centerlink although you have prob realized its who we go through for Child Support in Australia (New Zealander living in Au). I agree with pretty much all of the advice so far, before involving the Lawyers just do what you can to find him if that's what you want to do, just let him know so you know you did all you could for your son to contact his father. All else fails contact child support and see what they can do.. in New Zealand we have a service called Citizens Advice, its a free community run service offering advice, as well as free lawyers offering one off advice on certain days etc. If you are still unsure where to go from here and you have a similar service in your country, they may be able to help :)

DERION - posted on 09/22/2014

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Omg cora the JODI GIRL really pissed me off! I know i should have handled it differently, but she was being RUDE, I know it was wrong to put 'Don't fucking comment ' but i only wrote that because ive seen "alot" of people on here leave rude comments. i was just letting it be known that im not gone tolerate it.

Cora - posted on 09/22/2014

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I don't think she meant to offend too much by it, lol I have seen the comments on other posts can get quite negative but your right she could have asked for positive comments only... lol I think its funny..

Jodi - posted on 09/22/2014

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"If your going to rude then dont fucking comment thnk you"

Wow, so you write a nice post asking for sincere advice.....and then end with that?

My advice? Your fucking problem. I was all ready to give you some honest, genuine advice until I read that.

Honestly lady, if you want genuine advice on this page, there is absolutely no need to put a comment like that in your opening post. Saying "If you are going to be rude, I'd appreciate if you didn't comment" would have sufficed. But speaking like that to people who haven't even said a word to you yet? Nice......

DERION - posted on 09/17/2014

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Thank cora i love your name btw! And its just a messed up situation. ...because i cant locate him!! What would you do if you were in my situation? And you were pregnant but didn't find out until later on...and you in this person lost touch?

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