my sons father's causing problems

Teri-Lyn - posted on 07/12/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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i'm a good mom n i know it, even the nurses at the hospital commented on how patient i am. now that my sons father n i r broken up he's calling me a bad mom, threatening to try n get him taken n just right out being very immature, how to deal?

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Jenna - posted on 07/12/2009

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In reference to what Kathleen suggested about recording a conversation, you cant. That is illegal unless you tell them they are being recorded at the beginning of the conversation, and useless unless you have them state their full name for court purposes. Even then, its not going to help.



My ex is trying to take custody from me as well. However, you cant stress it. Talk to a lawyer. They offer free consultations and will give you the best course of action. If you were married, you might have some issues, but if you were not married (In most states) the mother has permanent custody until a custody order is in place. Also, unless they can find you grossly unfit (Like your a drug user or abuse your children) you will have main custody if it goes to court with the father getting scheduled visitation.



Don't stress this. He is just trying to scare you, and it is working! When he starts off on a rant, hang up on him. When he calls back, ask him if he is done. Continue this until you can have a grown up conversation. Record things (On paper) like phone calls (when and how long), notes of what was said, and times he gets to talk to the child or see them. Also take any notes down of things your child says about what happened on the visit or anything that was said on the phone.



You will be fine. I'm sure you are a fine mother. Keep up the good work!

Jocelyn - posted on 07/12/2009

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try to ignore him, at least for the time being, if he threatens you or keeps talking trash, take notes, write down phone conversations, make sure you keep track of what goes on when your ex has your son and you are not there (if he's had a bath, change of clothes, if his behavior is somehow different from normal, ie no naps) then take his ass to court and go for full custody and only allow your ex supervised visits

Esther - posted on 07/12/2009

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Courts almost always side with mothers so if you're doing everything you need to be doing, he has no chance of getting him taken from you. He can talk all he wants. In one ear, out the other. You just focus on your son and be the best mom you can be. Don't get involved in any ridiculous arguments over this. You have more important stuff to focus on.

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Rachel - posted on 07/12/2009

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Like the rest of the woman said on here he will never get custody of your son as long as you are being a good mom and what ever you do, do not give him a reason to make you a bad mom just ignore him get your number changed or do what ever you need to do to not stress you out unless he has custody of him of course. Just be the better person and make sure your son is taken good care of. don't worry about the little things he threatens you about he does it to get to you.

Chashaona - posted on 07/12/2009

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Let him act a fool and you remain cool. Kill him with kindness. Don't worry about him trying to take your son; he is just blowing hot air. In fact I would tell him to try. Focus on your baby and let him be immature. And I would do as the other woman suggested.......take notes and keep track of things from threats, to child support, and everything else between you to relating to your child. Good Luck.

Kathleen - posted on 07/12/2009

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and i know this may sound a little crazy but one thing i did was actually record a conversation my ex boyfriend and myself had where he was saying he never wanted a baby and he doesent want to look after him he just does not want me to be happy when i asked him who was going to look after my son he said he would give him to his mother... who i would like to add has only come to visit him once and he is one and a half!!!. after i recorded this next time we got into a fight i told him i had it and played it to him and he NEVER mentioned it again. so maybe if you can get evidence of him saying something bad it will work in your favor??!

Kathleen - posted on 07/12/2009

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i have gone thro the exact same thing.. for some reason he is just trying to hurt you! i would just ignore the negative comments hes giving you! my sons father kept telling me i was a bad mother because my son throws tantrums and he doesent understand that all toddlers and young children do it! and as for him trying to get custody its just another way he is trying to hurt you! i highly doubt he will get custody if you have been the one caring for your son the whole time. they almost always give custody to the mother. and to be completly honest he probly doesent even want to look after the baby he just doesent want you to be happy. i know its sad but for some reason this is what males do. so please dont get scared because i have gone thro the same thing where i was worried for months about him taking my baby but it didnt happen!! i think he grew up and realized i was a good mother and i did better than he could.. because i realy dont think he wants the responsibility at all!

Kim - posted on 07/12/2009

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Well theres alot of imature men like that and the worse part is when they drink and invent things that are not even true then by the time you know it the whole family knows and starts adding more drama and spice to the gossip, I would recommend to try to work things out with him for you children, because I come from divorced parents and believe me its not good, if working things out with him doesn't work then you'll just have to ask him for the divorce that will be the only solution..and go your own way because it will eventually hurt you too in the long run.

Nicola - posted on 07/12/2009

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He will never ever get custody of your child. Next time he says it just say see you in court then. He is trying to scare you and get control over you probably hoping you will beg him not to etc. It will never happen in a million years.

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