need advice!

Brooke - posted on 09/19/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My baby is 4 and a half months. I just found out that some time last winter my boyfriend cheated on me twice, with the same girl! Im not sure what I should do. Should I leave? ..it was almost a year ago. And nothing to my knowledge has happened since then. But once a cheater always a cheater! Confused and not sure what to do now.

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Tabitha - posted on 09/19/2009

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I cheated on my husband over ten times, and he's still with me. I'm not cheating anymore, and I wish I never had. Every relationship and situation is different. Do what you need to do to be happy with yourself.

[deleted account]

Wel, I guess you just start by deciding whether or not you're going to try to make it work. I think it took Whit a year or more to fully trust me again-so if the two of you can deal with trying to make it work for that long, and with not totally trusting one another for a while, and you want to, then you just start by deciding that you're going to. He has to be willing to do some things that grate on his nerves and make him feel like a douche-you calling and checking up on him when he goes somewhere, for instance. If he isn't willing to make those concessions while you're learning to trust him, it's not goign to work. I had to swallow a lot of pride and do a lot of things that I hated doing, but my relationship was worth it. It also made a difference to my boyfriend (now husband) that I told him straight away, and that it was just once, because at least I was honest with him and it wasn't on ongoing thing.

Brooke - posted on 09/19/2009

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I don't even know where to begin on rebuilding the trust, I really don't know how to do it. Where do we start? And how long did it take for your husband to trust you again 100%?

[deleted account]

This depends on whether you deem the relationship worth saving; and whether you want to try and rebuild the relationship. Because as a reformed cheater, I can promise you that the "once a cheater always a cheater" saying is not always true. I cheated on my husband several years ago while we were dating. He was heartbroken, but agreed to work things out, although his stipulation was that if anything ever happened again he would walk away. It took us a long time to rebuild the trust between us, and we almost gave up a few times, but we've worked through it and it's not been in issue for ages. At the time it happened, I was very unhappy, both with myself and in the relationship. I had to work through my issues and figure out why I did what I did, and he had to work through his issues of questioning me every time I went somewhere. But I'm glad he didn't give up on me and I didn't give up on him, or we wouldn't have a beautiful son and a life together right now.

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