need advice

Momma - posted on 10/18/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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It has been about three years that I am with my partner. We decided to go live with my boyfriend’s mother and father to help out with my boyfriend parents bills. I agreed at this to save up and leave and rent an apartment in the future. About three months ago my father in law committed suicide, and he did this after we told him that we were going to start looking for our little house. He was an alcoholic and sometimes did irrational acts that I was later told. I am now 23 and had a fulltime job. My son is now one year old. After all of this I am faced with a decision that I now I feel forced to make. My mother in law was left with a lot of debts from my father in law and she payed it all now with the insurance money they gave her. My boyfriends mother has another son and he doesn’t want to help her with being a co-borrower. She has asked other family members and none of them want to help her now. The only option is left is my boyfriend. We have been arguing to the point were I feel like sometimes getting away with my son and live at peace in a little room anywhere, but I feel guilty because the mother always tells me “I am being left all alone”. She is 54 and still works I am grateful for because she helps with my son and is kind most of the time, but the idea of us actually still living where it happened depresses me to the point where I now just want to run away. I have to be strong for my son and do what is most healthy for me and my son. Another reason I am careful at this is because my boyfriend has made some comments that maybe everything would be easier if he just jump off the bridge. How can I leave when he comments me like this? I am so stressed and honestly I don’t think anyone has been prepared for this situation. If anyone could respond to this, please I would be thankful. There is now way of making the mother in law sell her husband’s truck or sell her massive collection of jewelry to try to get the money for her to maybe get rid of this house and get another small one for herself and other son that they can manage to pay or something that we could help out financially if she needs it. My boyfriend works two fulltime jobs and I work a full time plus some part time on the weekends. I soo want to be in my son’s life more.I’m tired of getting home and just seeing him fall asleep. I also go to school part time I’m in my last year at college. All of this is intense and I am so careful on spending. I don’t spend a penny on anything I don’t have to. I have been supportive and all but enough is enough I did not sign up for this. I have asked my partner if he wanted to marry me and he says that after all of this is done then yes. This is all to much this is a cry for help. I know they are still grieving and need to be together, but where do I stand. When ever he is off he is out playin sports with his brother or playing video games with his brother or he is with his mother. I don’t even want to be affectionate to my bf anymore and this situation is confusing me and not happy. Even when I cook my boyfriend doesn’t eat it or I have to end up cleaning after her other son who is 28. She likes to cook and leave the kitchen dirty and every night I have to clean it, and the floors. I am particular of the kind of food I eat and want my son to eat so when I am not around she feeds him salty food or sweet treats or unhealthy foods. I feel like I am the aid of the house. Every night I go to sleep at 1 or 2 because all the things I have to take care of. I am burned out. This was supposed to happen when she would be like 70 I was not expecting this coming.

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Michelle - posted on 10/18/2013

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I would suggest you ned to get out and let them grieve. It's not healthy for you or your child. It won't change after you get married so you need to decide if this is what you want for the rest of your life.
My ex always threatened suicide if I ever left, it's the most horrible form of emotional abuse!!!!! It took me many years before I left and then many more to be strong enough to stand up to him.
You need to do what's right for your child, not the adults that just want you around to be their maid. They can look after themselves and it's not fair the mind games they are playing with you.

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