Need advice: My daughetrs Father wants to get back in touch after 11 yrs. she has only just turned 11 and only seen her at 6 nd 8 weeks old. What do i do?

Debrahalewood - posted on 06/18/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My ex walked out on me after i was a couple of months pregnant, he was violent and and a thief, stole my money, savings, and put me into £5000 of debt, He was or still is very manipulative and still lies to try and get his own way.
He contacted me this Monday, nice as pie, we exchanged mobile numbers but then he got abusive texting, demanding to see my beautiful daughter, He walked out when i was 2mths pregnant, i occasionally saw him but not that much. We had a house together, renting but he wouldnt take his name of the tenancy, i had so much grief with him but eventually i didnt see till My daughter was 6 and 8 weeks old. Even then, he wa sup to his old trick of trying to get money ou of me. I was on benifits, he was working as a chef and he hadnt paid anything towards my daughter. (I say mine, because he hasnt been around for 11 yrs). Took me a long time to get my head around how a man can just walk away from his child. But i did eventually. When my daughter was 3yrs old, i met someone and when she was 4yrs old, i moved into my future to b husbands house. Even at this point i was still wandering if he ever would find my daughter but convinced myself that, that by this point, if my ex had cared, he would have done it already.

years went by and i married, had a little boy with my husband but unfortunately, we ddint last and going through divorce but that is messy enough without anything else

My ex before my husband is back on the see. :-( what do i do? Ive asked my daughter, 'if your birth dad ever popped up on the scene, would you be interested in meeting him' she just replied 'dunno' 'I just want to see Dad' Dad is my husband or soon to be divorced husband. He has brought her up since 3yrs old and hardly knows any different. She is aware someone else made her but thats it. Her problem is that my husband has wiped his hands off her and i court saying they cant force contact as it is not blood child. really isnt fair.

Back to my ex, he has sent text after text for 4 days solid, so i have been answering and letting off 11yrs worth of steam and said what ive had to say. He told me he was a changed man and all that rubbish, told me hi and his wife have been divorced 2yrs and he doesnt speak to his other daughter due to her behavour. he say he wants to see my daughter. what i thought strange from the first texts was that he didnt really ask about my daughter much and it was all about me, saying i look beautiful on my fb profile and asking what do i do and do i work etc. saying he wants to take me out for a meal and go away at weekend. Told him politely I am not interested and if he wants to see (our) daughter, go to court.

He is still texting and pestering me, harrassing me, Ive took advice from my solicitor and she says exchange emails and get his solicitor to deal with it. if he is so keen. But he wont. He just gets nasty and says let me see my daughter i havent seen for fu*king 11 yrs. Ive blocked his number and then i get a text from his wife ( he told me they were divorced) Turns out, she was coming down with him to do me over and to give me a warning about stopping the csa. As Ive had a case open for 11 yrs to try and get him to pay for (his) daugheter but still he doesnt. turns out that there house and pocession are under threat and im not getting a penny reminded them both that it isnt for me, its for his daughter, that she is owed and he should face up to his responsibility rather than being a spineless prick! Also evry thing he told me was lies.

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Danicia - posted on 06/25/2013

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I would also recommend not responding- at all- to his text messages. completely ignore them. wait for him to email you. it'll piss him off but once he sees that it's not a way to "get you" he'll search for a different technique. you may want to look into preemptive measures of protection for you and your daughter b/c if he ever bellies up to the bar and lawyers up you may want to have your ducks in a row just on the off chance. good luck!

Danicia - posted on 06/19/2013

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I wouldn't let him see her unless a court ORDERED supervised visitation. if he is willing to be that much of an ass to you (verbally, physically in the past), then it is easy to presume he does not have good motives for randomly popping up after 11 years. make all communications via email/some easy way to track and turn in to the authorities if necessary and don't just hand your daughter over, no good can come of him popping up like that..

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Debrahalewood - posted on 06/25/2013

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Just reading back what I wrote and sorry for such terrible spelling and grammer. I was typing it on my phone at the time. Thanks Danicia for replying. I have no intention of handing my daughter over.

I find it very sneeky and disturbing that he is trying to see her but wont do it the manly, grown up way i.e. Solicitors, mediation, court etc he rufuses saying it cost to much. My ex is constantly sending texts now by BTPayphones of which i cannot block. I unblock his number to reply and remind him that if my daughter means so much then prove it by getting your solicitor to get in touch with me but there is no way I am passing over my address. My Ex is determined to find out my address :-( He uses the excuse that its so he can file to court a visitation order. But as ive been advised last week by my solicitor, all of this can be dealt with via e-mail. Again my ex refuses to do anything by e-mail. So i tell him obviously my daughter doesnt mean that much to him to prove what he says.

As always, to me, he is a liar and is all talk, i dont belive he is doing well in his job and has a comfitable life style like he says he does. He makes out he is a changed man, when he isnt. If all of this was true, he would man up and pay for his daughter. CSA (child support agengency) have said if he has a issue about DNA then they can provide a test, but he refuses to have one because it costs £200. CSA say if it does come back negative then my Ex gets his money back and i am billed. I know why he wont have the test, 1) he doesnt want to pay a penny 2) He knows she is his.
So as he hasnt appealed against the case and took the DNA test then to the cssa it means he is the father and will carry on trying to get money out of him.

Im still stuck with him texting me and harrassing me. police have just said to keep a log of it, of which i do and still im in the same situation.

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